Vengeance

It is a horrible feeling when people pin their hopes and expectations on you, or when circumstances seem to indicate that you are supposed to be this and that, and yet, you seem to just not hit the mark, and people point it out to you - how you're not this and that, and that you're supposed to be this and that, and you just feel really horrible, as if YOU wanted people to think of you that way, or whatsoever, which you're not.

I get it, 

I am not smart, 

or intelligent, 

or emotionally-sensitive, 

or sensitive, 

or wise, 

or considerate,

like how I am supposed to be.

I am just fortunate,

to be who I am,
to have what I have,
to do what I do,

and true enough, every remark can be viewed positively, each a critique of your character and ability, and should ideally be viewed positively, as points of improvement. But really, sometimes it hits home and you just feel horribly incompetent as a human being, as if all my actions are for naught, that they are unwanted, or worse, that they are wrong and that all my efforts to be a better human being is seemingly to no avail and I am still that horrid human being that you have always painted me to be. 

Of course I have no desire to tell you of my desires and efforts to improve myself, but really, something must be evidently wrong to be reminded over and over again of my incompetence. It really is a wonderful feeling, its light at the beginning, and you feel normal, then it hits you and you sink faster than the Titanic. Wonderful.