we close our eyes and drift to sleep, our mind, it wanders to thoughts left behind.
what we dream, we feel and we see, emotions, sensations, and chemical reactions.
we don't choose what we dream, guided by unseen forces, told by unheard voices.
what is it that we dream of, seemingly random, but we know deep down it isn't.
we see objects, places, people. and it all seems so real, this indoor cinema we are.
I am a dreamer. my mind is hardly ever silent, ever active, especially at night.
they say our mind is most active when we are asleep, i don't doubt that.
They come and go, sometimes one, sometimes many, just waltzing through my mind.
pieces of my reality here and there, with a pinch of desire here and there.
I need to dream, it calms the swirl of thoughts that reside, and lets the heart take over.
maybe that's why when you try to understand your dreams with thought, it doesn't work.
Yet you know inside, inside, something clicked and there it is, understanding.
I aspire to be a Man of Science, of hypothesis, theories and Logic.
I aspire to be a Man of Religion, of faith, submission and God.
I realize this dichotomy can only be fully realized if I hurl myself fully into both.
A wise man once told me, scientists today are on the right track, they just tend to stop midway.
I hope to God that I will one day be a scientist, and a good one at that.
For my hope in today's world is slowly dwindling away and it must be renewed.
And I know, somehow deep down, I will be, and hopefully, "All iz well."
I live in the present and enjoy the present, I don't think,
Its a fault of mine, its what I do.
It makes me smile, I hope it does you too.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Equilibrium, is it so hard to achieve?
sometimes, we want more of something, but that doesn't mean that its wrong does it?
wanting more is fine. what matters is how much more. this is where there arises some concerns.
you see, greed, this scumbag part of humans to always want more, the temptation, to desire for more than necessary, to never be contented with what we have, is a real shit when it comes to ruining the human spirit.
it drives us, motivates us, but almost inevitably, we will surpass the line which says 'stop here' and shit goes down, in a spiral. I don't get it. its a disease right there, this attachment we have with worldly possessions. it distorts our sense of appreciation and other crap. everytime i think of how the world functions on greed, how the guy with the thicker wallet tends to get what he wants, it sickens me. it repels me. shit i don't want more money, but sadly, its a world where money truly is the oil that hinges the gears of society, and even nations. fuck that shit.
no. what we need is equilibrium.
Thursday, February 09, 2012
I believe I am a strange young man. Sometimes, I feel young, thoughtless and reckless, out to have fun. Others, I feel old, almost ancient, clear headed and not at all bogged down by this miniature Life. However, there are those times where I am suddenly in a swirl, neither old nor young, phasing in and out, somewhere in between. I am pretty sure if anyone can read my mind, they would be rather... confused. The reason may be because I have stopped, a while ago, to think. A natural process, but no, this does not mean that I do not think, I merely don't allow this shallow and limited logical process to reign supreme over me. Instead, I listen to the whispering Heart. My father once questioned, one of concern, What do we do if there is a conflict between the two? The answer was simple. There will always be a conflict, but no matter what, always listen to the latter. Simple, yet deceivingly difficult. At times, I feel that I am a lie. A contradiction. But that is the very nature of this path, it sends shivers of fear down my spine, yet gives me the simplest and most sincere of happiness. Possibly the hardest thing that is tied to the simplest of things is to face yourself, to know every facet of your being, your character, your beliefs and your thoughts. This seems to be the hardest thing to do in this era. Now, people want to be someone else, live another life. In this age of wanton desire and greed, we lose ourselves. That is where we all go wrong. Every day I am learning about myself. My thoughts feed this journey to disobey them, a paradox. In the end, we all submit to the grander scheme of things, for what do we know, we know nothing. That is where my thought ends, when it realizes its non-existence.
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The lights go dark and I'm left all alone,
here in the dark, my thoughts they roam.
Memories, emotions, they seem to be one,
as I mingle in between and among them.
No thought comes to mind, yet,
the mind goes to all that's thought.
We see ourselves, deaf and blind,
no, not through the sights and sounds.
We see ourselves, naked and bare,
for one can never lie to The One out there.
A shiver runs down my spine and everything stops,
alas, it is time for me to dream.
Friday, January 20, 2012
This concern they have for me, I wonder why. I guess its natural for them to 'watch out' for me, but they are blissfully unaware of what goes on in there, in the mind and in the heart. With heart in throat, I assess their choices, their reasoning, the outcome. I guess its natural for them to think as such, their thoughts in the same general direction. I am not invincible, for all that I do, I am merely human, and humans feel. I deny my emotions, yes, I deny my heart. They say to take care of my own, but I deny it. It cannot be. I have trained, yes, consciously trained, with time and effort, to still the emotional swirl that exists in the heart. No, that is wrong, indeed. I have trained rather to not let the emotional swirl to affect me. To rise above this human nature. It is unnatural, but I go down this path for my own sake. Heck, the ones that I show are the ones that most easily understood, happiness and anger. Why? Because I see no point in the rest, think and it will be clear to you as it became clear to me. But it seems that I've grown complacent, maybe. Their words, they slither and plant themselves in my mind, be it firmly or loosely, it doesn't matter. I grow weary of thinking, for years, I have thought so much, thinking it is the wise thing to do, but alas, I have learnt, to think, that will only work so much. Sometimes, we must let it play out, things will happen as they do, if they don't, there is only one to blame. Relent and accept. Listen to the heart, ignore the ever on-going conflict between the heart and the mind. Simple, but oh so difficult. People think too much. I try not to, but inevitably, people think for me and here I am, in this predicament that I have sought to evade. Why oh why. Heart in throat, I consider and weigh out. Even then, I listen to the most subtle of messages of my heart. Why? Because that is the correct way.
I seek from You as others do,
for clarity of thought,
of the mind
and of the heart.
For I am lost without You.
Monday, January 16, 2012
They say, in time, all shall be revealed.
Thinking is and will always take too much effort.
Sometimes, what we seek, what we want, what we have, is not what we need.
So what then gives us what we need, and how?
A better question yet, how do we know what we need?
With so many things presented to us, sometimes, thinking merely hinders the process.
One moment, one insight, is all we need.
We can only supplicate and hope we know.
With enough conviction and faith, it will come to us, one way or another.
... .. . . .. . .. . .. . .. .. .. ... . . .. . . . . .. .. . .. ... .. ... .. . . . . .. ... . . . ... . . . .. . .. .. .
I hear my heart pounding in my chest,
blood rushing through my veins,
skin sheening with beads of perspiration.
My head hurts,
My heart hurts,
but it is all okay.
Cos for a moment, one moment,
in a day of 24 hours, 86 400s,
I stop thinking, and all is fine.
All that I feel is me,
aware of my existence,
the world stops, I am alive.
I feel small, oh so small.
All that I am, a mere gift.
My breath, my life.
My mind is at peace,
my heart is at peace,
and all is fine.
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