I want to heal,

I want to feel,

Like I'm close to something Real.

I want to find something I've wanted all along;

Somewhere I Belong.

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Holding onto your words may seem like an easy to accomplish, but how mistaken are we.

Sometimes, in this day and age, our perception of promise has been so diluted from casual jokes and loose agreements that we forget that for EACH word spoken, it is but a promise made by our own self.

What I speak of is Amanah.

Amanah is loosely translated from Arabic to English as 'trust'. Amanah is not a value inculcated in an individual, it is a way of life that encompasses all that we do. Amanah is the promise in our words and actions, it is the 'yes I will' we say when asked to do something, it is the silent purpose that drives us to do something just because we have agreed to, it is the heavy responsibility of upholding the agreement, the belief and the truth.

Today, I bear witness to a superb example of keeping one's Amanah from one superb example of Humanity. It pains me yet it grants me humility and realization, to see such a flawless example, only to be acutely aware of my very own flaws. It grants me a closer connection to The Ideal and inspires me to aspire to be as such.

Bitter medicine is good medicine.

A generic statement.

By the Time, verily Man is in loss.

Except for those who believe and does righteous good deeds.

And invites one another to the Truth and invites one another to the Patience.



Its quite a simple way to live by, just be Good. There is no solid definition for this, but I believe it lies in our core to be that way. Like, there is a small voice that always tell us what is the right way to be, in our actions or words. But that voice seems to be drowned by the sound of thought and the weighing of pros and cons and all the little thoughts that make up our decisions.


Yet it is so difficult?

I am sleepy and the sound of me typing seems a wee bit too loud.

I am hungry and food would require effort to be prepared.

I am tired and my body is wishing for a good long rest.

I am alone and my thoughts are whirling about in my head.

I am contented and Life has been kind in its recent unwinding.

I am conscious and memories play back like an old movie.

I am aware and my mistakes are but lessons in disguise.

I am open and advice is taken freely without any ill-feeling.

I am awake and suddenly it comes to me.

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Sometimes, all it takes its a simple reminder;

a handful of words carelessly or carefully picked, perfect in combination and endless in its portents.

Needless to say, I make plenty of mistakes;

some I am not proud of, understandably, but worst even, those of which I am unaware of.

Thankfully, I have been blessed with openness;

openness to accept words kind and unkind, occurrences fortunate and unfortunate.

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I am happy and thankful to be reminded, but once the dust settles down, I am suddenly all to conscious of my previous actions, suddenly I am brought back to a day or two, a week, sometimes a month, and I am recollecting as to where I have gone wrong, where and how did the fault come about. Have I been doing something wrong all this while? Curiously, the flow of thoughts seem to take a nanosecond and yet, it goes so far. I am fearful and seek repentance, I become painfully aware of my mistakes and it strikes a revealing strike and leaves me vulnerable. I scramble towards a buoy to save myself and I take a moment to recollect myself. Silence comes as a shade and I ponder in silent recollection and reflection. I realize the what, how and why and I sigh, of relief and of solemn acceptance of fault. Who is to be blamed but myself. Deep breaths accompany regret and slowly, peace returns to my heart. I am aware and enlightened, I see within myself a change stemming from realization, acceptance and determination. Instead of looking back, I look forward, to the days, weeks and months hopefully ahead, and I smile. Light has shone upon the shadowed pathway once more and I am relieved. Mistakes occur, undeniably, and I look at them with a bitter-sweet emotion, relived that I am aware of them, yet saddened that I have to make one to realize something within.

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All it takes is a simple reminder.

(as I typed this, my mind has entered a semi-dream state and my senses are heightened to an unusually abnormal level, it scares me, everything seems too loud, too far, too bright and right as this very moment, I am fending off the fear to just shut down my computer. the noise, it drowns the deafening silence that wraps around me , every action I make seem like an effort. this semi-dream state is frightening, my nightmare come to life, a form of heightened reality that I have to sometimes live with. 

Oh Life.)

Logic is a mental derivative function that utilizes empirical evidence such as facts or valid assumptions based on observations and/or factors already known and accounted for.

The whole basis of Logic is that it functions on information either acquired or deduced.

Hence, if there is no such information, logic cannot apply as thought would not occur.

Thus, if it is written that 'that ye know not', logic can no longer follow. And thus, why we Submit.

Blank.

sin·cere  

/sinˈsi(ə)r/

Adjective Free from pretense or deceit; proceeding from genuine feelings. (of a person) Saying what they genuinely feel or believe; not dishonest or hypocritical.

Sincerity is the value that is most difficult to acquire. 

It eludes the hearts of Men like a bird flitting through the branches, and even if it is present, without proper care, it is quick to evaporate, much like a drop of dew in early morning. Hard to get, harder to keep.

Alas, for all that it is worth, it is the Key. It is the 1% that is needed for it to be 100%.

And best of all, it is one of the deepest secret that we have within ourselves. One we cannot describe or prove to others, it merely is and no other should be the judge of that.

My young ears have been fortunate to have heard the words spoken by sages and I recall one saying that the purest form of Sincerity is to expect Nothing At All In Return. Now that I look back, I realize that if that is the purest level, surely there will be lower forms of it to exist within our hearts and in our actions. I worry greatly, and take great care when it comes to Sincerity. Out of the many values that Islam teaches, I value Sincerity most highly. What is a deed done if it is not sincere? The very thought of a deed's accountability affects the sincerity of the deed itself. 

Sincerity is tightly linked to Ni'at. 

As such, both form a portion of the core of our actions. Such a fundamental aspect, one that I am very conscious of. I strive for it, silence is a great companion and facilitator. My words may corrupt my Sincerity and so, silence is best. It is only for Him to know.

One thing leads to another, Sincerity leads to examination of Ni'at which leads to examination of Self which leads  to so many other things that my mind in this state is unable to completely view. Just too many.

Alas, Masy'Allah I am sobered by how beautiful Islam is.

It is a 

Full Circle