Behaviour

A rule of thumb : Do not look negatively at people, or even things for that matter.

I was taught to not judge people, for their appearance, their words, their actions, their behaviour. It was a difficult lesson, one that took many years to bear fruit. At times, we jump to conclusions, making conjectures regarding others based on the empirical evidence we gather from our interactions with them. This is natural. And as my father had once said, Natural does not mean its right. On the contrary, sometimes what we are naturally inclined to do are the complete opposite of right. Alas, this is a different story and I have digressed. When we have a pre-conceived idea of people based on our judgements, we tend to overlook on other aspects that might hint otherwise, or likewise. We have, concluded.

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I was taught to just accept things as they are, in any situation, be it bad or good, always to smile and take it as it is. Silence that urge to snap back, or make a judgement. It was difficult. I tried and I tried, to look at things square in the eye, and not let my heart fidget. I would say I was privileged to have been taught such a lesson, it teaches me to tolerate and be patient with things. Even now, at this prime age, where the confidence of youth and knowledge are ripe, it is ever more difficult. But alas, hardships bear the greatest lessons. Even now, I have a greater appreciation and understanding of this lesson taught many years back, it is simply to relent to God and accept fate as decreed. Oh the layers, how they peel as the years go by.

Despite this, it would be foolish to completely ignore the fact that behaviour is undeniably closely linked to what lies underneath, the Heart and the Mind. Behaviour is an expression of self, and how can one express that which is not true? Behaviour gives an indication of the health of the inner-being. 

Indication. Not a definition.

This is where the problem lie. What is self? We, including myself, only have a fraction of understanding of who we truly are, our self. How then can we say that we are expressing our self when we barely know it? Alas we arrive the fundamental obstacle with religion, knowing our self. A truly difficult lesson. Sages of past have said that in order to see one's self, one requires a mirror. Ancient phrases speak of a needed journey to discover one's inner-self, through experiential reflection. In both, we can see that this quest - to discover one's self; inevitably requires the aid of another, an instrument, a Teacher.

I am asleep.

It seems to me, that I have an almost insatiable hunger for knowledge.
I have never seemed to mind learning something new, just a matter of preference.
But eventually, what is knowledge without application?
It would be like a tree with its fruits so ripe, but never to be picked.
I have been told that there isn't a need to memorize many things,
but as it goes with whomever that said that, it is all a matter of interpretation.

'Its the questions we can't answer that teach us most. They teach us how to think. If you give a man an answer, all he gains is a little fact. But give him a question and he'll look for his own answers.'

There are many questions, and I am still looking.

deep in th stillness of night,
as people lay asleep in their beds,
an hour void of th din of life,
small thoughts swirl all around.

there is something to learn,
a lesson is always there, somewhere.
no thing is ever point-less,
it merely takes some time and effort,
before it can be found.

questions lead to further questioning,
why, what, how, who, when, all the same,
they propel th mind to seek answers,
answers that can only be sought after.

intellectual pursuit and enlightenment,
one precedes th other, dawn to dusk,
for betterment of mind and soul,
th much needed nourishment of th day.

think, for it leads to questions,
question, for it leads to answer,
answers, understand and accept them,
then, and only then, will you ever learn.

Thought.

Validation.

Approval.

Acceptance.

Encouragement.

Empowerment.

Renewal.

Vigour.

Determination.

Motivation.

At times,

We are faced with;

seemingly overwhelming odds, irresistible temptations, stubborn distractions and immovable laziness.

Often,

We tend to;

give up too quickly, give in without a fight, lose our focus and procrastinate for too long.

in·er·tia  

/iˈnərSHə/

Noun A tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged: "bureaucratic inertia". A property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, unless that state is...

Sometimes,

All we need is;

A little Push.

Thank you.

Sometimes we search and search for something, something we do not even know, just a desire to acquire something. Ephemeral or ever-lasting, it does not matter. We dedicate hours, days, lives in search of it, but we never find it. Some things are not meant to be searched, they are not found.

A tiny thought went through my mind yesterday. In our youth, we have the time and energy to pursue life, but we lack the time to. In our middle age, we have the money and the energy, but not the time. And lastly, when we are old, we have the money, the time, but sadly, not the energy. We are always lacking something in the pursuit of life. An asymptote in the graph that is Life. We can only approach it to such a degree, so close, but still, it will never be. We will never get it, chasing shadows. That was how my cousin put it. Life is like our own shadow, no matter how fast we run, no matter how we twist and turn, it always be beyond our grasp. Instead, we should turn towards the Light, pursue the Light instead. No one said it was not possible, but often we get distracted by the little things. See, once we chase the light, our shadow will follow suit. As such, so will life pursue us, as a distraction, a temptation, a hindrance, an obstacle, in our pursuit of enlightenment.
Such are the trials of this life on Earth. The simpler they are, the more deceivingly dangerous they are. You want that ice cream? Oh, but if you do, there won't be time for Asar. You want to take a walk? Zuhur is ending soon. Out with friends? We have just entered Maghrib.

I think I am very very grateful to have friends who are non-muslims but yet still understand when I tell them I have to do something, for Islam. They would nod, smile and encourage me to carry on. Alhamdulillah. There are the type of people whose minds God have blessed to be open, to be receptive towards Islam. Alhamdulillah. They will ask and I will answer, and if I am unable to, it will compel me to find out. Alas, how can ignorance be granted? As I walked to the masjid as azan Maghrib was recited loud over the microphone, echoing around the vicinity, I looked within myself, and asked, 'how can anyone ignore the call to God, when it is so wonderful and beautiful?' I teared. Alhamdulillah.

We live in a world where Islam has been distorted, repressed, suppressed and ignored. Though we may simply say it is the fault of the non-believers, I stand to say that is also our fault, the believers, for standing tall and firm when our religion is compromised. Secular? Modern? I am not too sure that such terms exist, that religion is something that can be compromised. It all boils down to a simple desire of adherence, or ignorance. Such is the nature of temptation in our current age, and I fear that it is a temptation that will seduce a great many of us.

Alas, the hour is late, I have missed the Hour. Till then.

I need a teacher.

Often, I catch myself asking many questions, regarding the many things around me. Behaviour, actions, mechanisms, structures, systems and nature itself. Most of the questions usually revolve around a simple question, 'why?'. 

I was once interviewed by a professor a few years back, and he asked me, 'what is the value you value most?'. After some thought, I answered 'Understanding.' My reasoning was because once we have an understanding regarding something, it would allow us to have a clearer picture to the reasons for such things. My logic was simple, if we understand the reason behind something, we can rationalize OUR actions or thinking towards it, be it to consider it right or wrong, and such implications can extend towards our tolerance of such thing, our preference of such thing, and even our desire for such things. 

Take for example, religion. People follow the practices they see, a matter of mimicking an observation in their environment, from friends and family. It would be grossly shameful for me to even think whether or not this is not ideal, for alas who am I to judge. But back to the matter, if we understand the practices and lessons and values of a religion, and it is undeniably correct, would any sane person reject it? There is a verse that I cannot recall entirely, but of which the gist states that blessings are to be given to the learned. Why? Upon the journey of knowledge, we will eventually be shone the truth of things, and when one partakes in such a journey, it is not only to discover knowledge, but just as importantly, it is also to discover oneself. Upon seeing the truth of things, will one not be enlightened? And thus, blessed are they of the learned for they will definitely have discovered God. It is becoming ever more difficult to find avenues where such questions regarding religion can be quenched. Difficult, yes, but infinitely rewarding I trust. Alas, I am far from understanding of my religion, I am but a mere sapling, seeking the Light to nourish my existence. It gives me the shivers (Literally, it just did) when I think of how my time is spent, not on this journey of discovery but on other things, and I fear for my very existence. MasyAllah. 

I am displeased with myself, but I want and will make amendments.

The silent hour of night holds me steady.

I am not sure if it is the amplified sound of each and every key that I type, or the echoing silence in the atmosphere, but whichever it is, it rings in my head, ominous and tiring, all mine.

While many sleep, they say this is the best time to be awake. Like traffic during the day, it is so hard to go about. But once night comes by, swings by and all sway to its call, alas, it is empty once more.

The irony, no thoughts swirl by behind my eyes, no burden hefting its weight, no worry pressing for attention, no problem seeking a solution, it is a blissful emptiness that resides within.

Within that emptiness, lies a secret held within myself. No words are necessary for this communing, merely an awareness and an intention. Like the wind whispering inaudible tales.

No concept of time bind me to reality, floating by in a dreamlike state, going by as I please, doing as I please, actions with no consequence to others but myself, on a whim, simply because.

I come and I go as I please, mercurial.