Creases on a shirt.
Bumps on a road.
Dust on a glass.
insignificant inevitable imperfections.
Tears in the smile.
Sadness in the eyes.
Cold in the warm.
impossibly innocent indecisiveness.
lub dub... Lub dub...
systole diastole... Systole diastole...
No one can deny the beating of a heart.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
Post
Learn the Heart -
The cavities that fill it up,
the Life that causes it to beat,
the blood that it pumps,
the various conditions it has,
the strength behind each beat,
the purity in its flesh,
the mirror it holds to self,
the story it tells.
Learn the Heart, know the Self and embrace your Lord.
.. ... .. . . ... .. .. . .. . .. ... . . .. . . .
The cavities that fill it up,
the Life that causes it to beat,
the blood that it pumps,
the various conditions it has,
the strength behind each beat,
the purity in its flesh,
the mirror it holds to self,
the story it tells.
Learn the Heart, know the Self and embrace your Lord.
.. ... .. . . ... .. .. . .. . .. ... . . .. . . .
What do you seek in this Life?
Success? Happiness? Companionship? Achievements?
What is there to seek in this Life, there will always be a way, so neatly carved out by generations before us, to peruse in the endless chase of worldly goods. It never ends. How many in history has gotten rich beyond measure? Do they stop there? Do they ever think it enough? Do they realize their wealth and stop to chase something else?
No!
It has been proven, time and time again, how people have gotten rich, famous and powerful, and still, their thirst is unquenched, they lay in bed wondering, how to safe-keep, how to protect, how to expand.
DO WE EVER LEARN?
Sadly, No.
We are creatures with a gaping hole in our hearts, with a greed insatiable and our eyes, blinded to all except what we have beneath our feet and in our hands. We cannot see the plug at the bottom of the wretched pool we drown ourselves in, poor. We always want what others have, selfish to our circumstance and ignorant to what we already have. Everything looks so glittered, we become enraptured, our attention captured.
Really?
Is this what we seek in life?
Death.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Facial expressions
I have no qualms in expressing myself in words. In them, I breath life to my unspoken emotion and the blood, sweat and tears from the unchanging smiling face, they speak their stories in wiggles and lines written in space. The facade grows thin and weary and yet, here they stand, hopefully steady. I stand perched high and above, the weight grows heavy and my shoulders strain beneath them. What else can I do but let go and fly towards the sky and be free, as I am made to be.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
History and little monuments.
Primary One 1B
I was sitting in the school with my friends when my name was called out by the principal. I am not sure why, till now. Two other boys and myself were brought to an isolated room with the principal and some teachers, and gone caned, or rather the version for primary kids, getting whipped with a ruler.
I was in the second last class. One day, the teacher announced that a new student was joining our class. I was so happy to know that it was the girl I liked in kindergarten, and remember being just happy on that day, her name was Hanisah (That's all that I remembered of her name).
I was in the same class as a friend from kindergarten days by the name of Firdaus, he had slightly fanged teeth and I used to call him 'vampire'. I had a class picture, but I lost it, sadly really.
We shifted to Pasir Ris from Bedok when I was in Primary One. As a result, I had to take the school bus to school everyday, and was accompanied by my little sister and my maid. I remember making prank calls to the police with my sister and giggling, mischievous kids we were. If we weren't doing that, we were in the field nearby, catching tigermoths and pretending it was a jungle to be explored, with the creepy crawlies underneath.
Primary Two 2B
It was my birthday, we were having class and all the students were seated on the floor in a circle around the the teacher. I can't recall for sure what lesson it was, but I can definitely recall who the teacher was. I had a stomach ache and nearly pooped in my pants. Life.
I had my first taste of brotherhood beyond the family when my friends and I decided we'd stick together no matter what. This agreement was done as we were going down the staircase towards the canteen for recess. It was made between a group of Malay boys, and to this day, I still hold them dearly to my heart as sincere friends, namely Farhan Sallehudin, Syahrizan, Hidhir, Farhan Zainal.
It was English class, and my class was being non-cooperative. Something I did must have tipped her off the iceberg and she left the class in tears and didn't return. The whole class just carried on with what they were doing. Little devils, the lot of us.
Primary Three 3E
I have, and always will be, a joker, always making jokes, and making fun. It was the end of the day, we were lined up at the parade square for assembly. I must've said something, or laughed too hard, or made others laugh too hard, I was called out by my form teacher (I still remember his name) and brought aside when everyone had already left for home. He scolded me and called me a clown. I was a mess of tears, you do not call a student a clown and mean it negatively. My brother saved me and brought me home, comforting me along the way. I swore vengeance. - (come to think of it, this must be the pivotal moment in my grades)
It was maths class and the class was learning long division, and it was taught by my form teacher. I didn't pay attention as I already learnt it from beforehand, I was doodling in class. My form teacher called me out and challenged me to teach the class since I didn't seem to be interested in learning. I taught the class.
We were learning about the human skeletal system and the science teacher pointed to the head and asked the class what bone it was, I don't recall being taught the word cranium and I answered 'cranium'. The teacher was surprised. I was surprised.
It was going to be recess and a good friend of mine, Zulfadli, was wrestling with me at the back of the class, near the back door of the class. He did a move he learnt from watching WWE and almost broke my arm, I cried out loud, I hurt like mad. But it was all cool and we were still friends, and we continued wrestling.
It was the end of the year and I got my results. I did exceptionally well, better than the friends I've grown close to. As a result, I was promoted to a better class while the rest got clumped together in classes. I was sad but told myself, 4C will surely have some nice people.
To be continued.
I was sitting in the school with my friends when my name was called out by the principal. I am not sure why, till now. Two other boys and myself were brought to an isolated room with the principal and some teachers, and gone caned, or rather the version for primary kids, getting whipped with a ruler.
I was in the second last class. One day, the teacher announced that a new student was joining our class. I was so happy to know that it was the girl I liked in kindergarten, and remember being just happy on that day, her name was Hanisah (That's all that I remembered of her name).
I was in the same class as a friend from kindergarten days by the name of Firdaus, he had slightly fanged teeth and I used to call him 'vampire'. I had a class picture, but I lost it, sadly really.
We shifted to Pasir Ris from Bedok when I was in Primary One. As a result, I had to take the school bus to school everyday, and was accompanied by my little sister and my maid. I remember making prank calls to the police with my sister and giggling, mischievous kids we were. If we weren't doing that, we were in the field nearby, catching tigermoths and pretending it was a jungle to be explored, with the creepy crawlies underneath.
Primary Two 2B
It was my birthday, we were having class and all the students were seated on the floor in a circle around the the teacher. I can't recall for sure what lesson it was, but I can definitely recall who the teacher was. I had a stomach ache and nearly pooped in my pants. Life.
I had my first taste of brotherhood beyond the family when my friends and I decided we'd stick together no matter what. This agreement was done as we were going down the staircase towards the canteen for recess. It was made between a group of Malay boys, and to this day, I still hold them dearly to my heart as sincere friends, namely Farhan Sallehudin, Syahrizan, Hidhir, Farhan Zainal.
It was English class, and my class was being non-cooperative. Something I did must have tipped her off the iceberg and she left the class in tears and didn't return. The whole class just carried on with what they were doing. Little devils, the lot of us.
Primary Three 3E
I have, and always will be, a joker, always making jokes, and making fun. It was the end of the day, we were lined up at the parade square for assembly. I must've said something, or laughed too hard, or made others laugh too hard, I was called out by my form teacher (I still remember his name) and brought aside when everyone had already left for home. He scolded me and called me a clown. I was a mess of tears, you do not call a student a clown and mean it negatively. My brother saved me and brought me home, comforting me along the way. I swore vengeance. - (come to think of it, this must be the pivotal moment in my grades)
It was maths class and the class was learning long division, and it was taught by my form teacher. I didn't pay attention as I already learnt it from beforehand, I was doodling in class. My form teacher called me out and challenged me to teach the class since I didn't seem to be interested in learning. I taught the class.
We were learning about the human skeletal system and the science teacher pointed to the head and asked the class what bone it was, I don't recall being taught the word cranium and I answered 'cranium'. The teacher was surprised. I was surprised.
It was going to be recess and a good friend of mine, Zulfadli, was wrestling with me at the back of the class, near the back door of the class. He did a move he learnt from watching WWE and almost broke my arm, I cried out loud, I hurt like mad. But it was all cool and we were still friends, and we continued wrestling.
It was the end of the year and I got my results. I did exceptionally well, better than the friends I've grown close to. As a result, I was promoted to a better class while the rest got clumped together in classes. I was sad but told myself, 4C will surely have some nice people.
To be continued.
Pathing
In my dream,
astaghfirullah.
It held portents on the journey we must undertake as individuals.
Slowly, the bonds that bind must be broken,
Surely, the road is long and arduous, testing.
Sadly, we will lose friends, and gain enemies.
Sorrowfully, we must let go and continue on.
A huge snake (I remember it being a copperhead) slithered awake, preventing me from getting nearer.
I must go on, and I wrestled it with my bare hands, and threw it off the ledge. However, my thumb was bitten and it was starting to swell up and turn purple. Poisoned, I had to squeeze the venom out. It was painful and although I was with another, I had to do it by myself. It was purple and oozy, despite the short period it had been in my body, it had hardened and looked as if it had been in my body for a long time. I sighed, relieved and called out to my friend. We were relieved, I was no longer poisoned.
I must go on, and I wrestled it with my bare hands, and threw it off the ledge. However, my thumb was bitten and it was starting to swell up and turn purple. Poisoned, I had to squeeze the venom out. It was painful and although I was with another, I had to do it by myself. It was purple and oozy, despite the short period it had been in my body, it had hardened and looked as if it had been in my body for a long time. I sighed, relieved and called out to my friend. We were relieved, I was no longer poisoned.
I looked up, "Alhamdulillah."
and woke up.
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Tick Tock
We hear phrases telling us of the palindromic nature of life, of its ups and downs and the many phases in between. It is a fact well-known.
Yet, sometimes, I catch myself thinking of moments passed, thinking of them as if any further thought can alter the predicament I am in. Sometimes.
We make decisions every single day in our life, and often, those decisions are never independent, they affect one another almost directly. Every now and then, a big decision comes and it will carve out a path for you to follow. Its these decisions that we wrestle with in the times to come, wrestling with their alternatives, and the bubbling doubt that arises from non-acceptance.
There is a disturbance in the normally tranquil pool of thoughts that reside in my mind. The ripples are small but they are there, and though slight, it has some repercussions. Thankfully, they remain as thoughts and are dormant, far from action. But isn't it always like that in the beginning. Thoughts lead to action, that is how we work.
I always tell myself to embrace the fact that all that is, is as it is, and all that it is, is good for me.
I always try to look for that silver lining upon the clouds that occasionally block out the Light.
I always think of how to positively look at my current situation, and look beyond my immediate self.
I always do.
Then, there are times when I get frustrated, or disappointed or simply just restless.
I dislike this attitude of mine that clouds my judgement, it mirrors my human desire for more.
Steady as she goes.
Yet, sometimes, I catch myself thinking of moments passed, thinking of them as if any further thought can alter the predicament I am in. Sometimes.
We make decisions every single day in our life, and often, those decisions are never independent, they affect one another almost directly. Every now and then, a big decision comes and it will carve out a path for you to follow. Its these decisions that we wrestle with in the times to come, wrestling with their alternatives, and the bubbling doubt that arises from non-acceptance.
There is a disturbance in the normally tranquil pool of thoughts that reside in my mind. The ripples are small but they are there, and though slight, it has some repercussions. Thankfully, they remain as thoughts and are dormant, far from action. But isn't it always like that in the beginning. Thoughts lead to action, that is how we work.
I always tell myself to embrace the fact that all that is, is as it is, and all that it is, is good for me.
I always try to look for that silver lining upon the clouds that occasionally block out the Light.
I always think of how to positively look at my current situation, and look beyond my immediate self.
I always do.
Then, there are times when I get frustrated, or disappointed or simply just restless.
I dislike this attitude of mine that clouds my judgement, it mirrors my human desire for more.
Steady as she goes.
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