Everyone has their flaws, some big some small.
Though sometimes, it really gets in your face and you either just keep it in, or just shoot th person down. I have a strong tendency to just keep it in, y'know, just let it bounce about in my mind, usually it'll die down after awhile, but sometimes, when it occurs too frequently, you just feel like exploding. This is probably one of the reasons why inside i'm a pretty angry kid, but oh well, i'm sure its all safely locked inside, pity the person who unknowingly makes me explode. Furthermore, today something happened and I realized that I'm hardly sad because I channel my sad emotions into anger, and I think thats rather unhealthy, but oh well, thats the way I deal with things yea... Theres no special way of presenting my thoughts today, initially had a draft in my head when I was angry and all, but its all dissipated into nothingness so its just plain words. Mm, I'm tired. Goodbye

Smiling in the dark

This familiar rumble, of ups and down, and of butterflies,
yet, they are in th wrong place, no, not in my stomach.
Rather, it is in this little heart of mine. Oh th irony.
Like hot ice, this bittersweet feeling envelopes me whole.
I close my eyes, and listen to the beating of my heart,
Th organic morse code machine, sending a message.
Like th first sprout of spring, it will never cease to amaze,
th silence and darkness, right before th fireworks explode into colour.
All rivers take a meandering path, but it will always lead to the sea.
Alas, I have taken a slow meandering journey, and what awaits me?
Surprise, surprise it is as I have foreseen, nonetheless, surprisingly.
Ohh th irony, this familiar rumble, of ups, and downs, and of butterflies,
Is it me, or is it fate, or is it just my luck?

... ... .. .. . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . .. . . .. .. . .

I know, I know, A's is in 6 days!
But who am I to impede?

Chugga chugga choo chooo!

The days are closing by, rushing by, going in a blur.
The intensity, so fierce, almost creeping into frantic.
Like mindless drones, we study till our brains well up.
Now and then, doubt fills our head and dark clouds hang by.
Everyone needs a reminder once in awhile, hang on, hang on!
Like a marathon, THIS is the final lap, will you give up?
Alas, as the saying goes, the night is darkest before dawn.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and dive in,
cause we're all there with you too.

Verbal response.

It seems that I'm always incapable of expressing myself coherently through verbal response.
Its a habit I guess, I speak too fast, always murmuring or slurring my words into one tangled mess.
It does get frustrating sometimes, and I would just not repeat myself, deeming the situation futile, preferring to let the person or persons decipher what I've just spoken. Oh well. I agree it does require some getting used to and not everyone can do it. I do believe that through words, I am much more successful in bringing across my point. It forces me to stop and look at the words I've typed before actually sending it. Though there are moments where no words can describe, but thats a whole different issue right there. But as clear as day, limiting one's expressions to mere words is obviously not a choice and hence, I will put in more effort to slow down my words. It does becomes a chore especially when my mind is on a roll and in order to not lose track of it, it just flows out. Nonetheless, I will try. The benefits are numerable and hence, worthwhile.

SPEAK SLOWLY.

Like dust in th wind we float by, guided by unseen, uncontrollable forces.
the unknown destination we head for, a constant flux in our minds, ever changing.
what we wish for, what we want, malleable and adaptable, can it be achieved?
Place weight in actions, hold th reins and steer as you wish, and bring change.
Change, as always, only comes through ideas set in motion and effort made.
Alas, the outcome still lies in the fog of Life, so close, yet never in our grasp.
Inevitable. The forces, they remain unseen and uncontrollable, laying th way for us.
After all that can possibly be done, we can only hope and pray, that is as We intended.

Air dicincang tiada akan putus.


Thats a Malay proverb. Literally, it means that a stream of water, no matter how you slice, will always be flowing. Metaphorically, it means the bond between brothers, no matter the fights and arguments, will always remain. And it is one that I can very much relate to.

If you guys have ever placed me and my brother in a room, and hear us speak, or whatever, you'd probably see us bickering or having a laugh while mocking someone or something like that. And damn, when we bicker, often it would be the both of us shouting at each other followed by harsh silence, then before we know it, al iz well once more. As we grow up, my brother and I, naturally, we are molded through the different experiences that we face in life and as a result, have conflicting views and attitudes regarding some issues. Inevitably, as boys growing up charged with hormones, we fight and argue and sometimes hit each other, but despite all that shit, we will always remember the wise words of our elders and let the dust settle and you know, chill out like normal times, which is every other time when we're not fighting. And the best thing is, its like you know, being brothers, we're equipped with an inborn Bluetooth connection, so even when neither of us speaks during the silence, we know what each other is thinking, and you know, being the mature people we are, we always know who is in the wrong and shit like that, so its like a natural spontaneous forgiving process that occurs invisibly. But obviously being the younger one, it is my nature and also out of respect, that I accept my brother for who he is and you know, accept each other's flaws and stuff cause, yeah, nobody's perfect yeah?

Its 3am, I wake up and stare at the darkness all around me.
I wonder where I am, and most importantly, why am I here.
No answers come to mind and I just sit there, wondering.
I see familiar faces, we speak and we move, but I don't know to where.
Suddenly apprehension grips me and I suddenly feel that I'm doing something wrong.
I shake off the feeling and focus my thoughts
and then I wake up.

Tiring dream. It was as if I've been awake since the moment I woke up in my dream, which had a negative effect on me throughout the day, feeling stoned all day long. I have to find a way to unravel my thoughts, my dreams are getting too confusing to be interpreted, too strange... A reflection of my thoughts, possibly in liquid silver with ripples all around. Someday, they will stop and hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to understand clearly.

The Ying and Yang of World Hunger

See, thats th kinda drawings that i wanna make,

at first sight, it seems, well, kinda messed up, sometimes th subjects that make it up seem a bit unlinked, but the more you look at it and observe it, it becomes ever clearer and suddenly, it all dawns upon you, BAM! its a wonderful feeling, to connect the dots between two ideas, and to project it onto paper and infusing creativity into it, while simultaneously bringing across a message, that isn't necessary clear but given time and thought, will be evident to those who lay their minds upon it, mm such a wonderful feeling. And usually, I aim for that in them.

Sometimes, we bear the heaviest of burdens, th darkest of secrets.

They weigh us down, even th strongest will feel its weight.

In time, we grow stronger and it feels lighter, a relief.

Then we remember, we were just fooling ourselves, it is as heavy as before.

Then come a handful strangers into our life.

Strangers whom you have a sudden deep connection with,

whom through the test of time, of hormonal mood swings and a barrage of arguments,

emerge, as individuals who, through their presence, carry the weight along with you.

Individuals who I am truly, as far as my heart goes, grateful and thankful for.

We speak our wishes in shadows and hushed tones,

yet they somehow hear it out loud and respond,

Not necessarily to fulfill, merely to acknowledge.

When it is too painful to say, they listen, to our hearts

Facial expressions schooled to fool all others,

sometimes betray the inner emotions that bode within.

The comfortable silence that hangs in the atmosphere,

veiling the unspoken conversation between us

Human beings have the innate need to form connections.

Bonds are formed between people undergoing a similar experience,

Strong bonds are formed between people who have undergone the ups and downs,

The strongest of bonds are formed when these bonds are strained,

and however strongly they are pulled, they remain sturdy and through this, become stronger.

'The mind, once stretched beyond its original dimensions, will never revert back to it.'

-Albert Einstein

Its been awhile since I last written anything so, there won't be any particular direction to my words tonight, just whatever that pops in my head, just gotta write, makes me feel good.

OKAY, well, what a relief, today is over. Truthfully, today was quite a mentally tiring day, with chem in the morning and bio and in the afternoon, even my mind is tired, and that doesn't happen often mind you. Seriously, whoa, it was such a combination bio and chem, but thankfully, it went alright, or so i hope to believe.

Well, I hand it over to You man, I have done what I believe is sufficient, as You have said, change does not come without effort, and truly, I have invested much time and ... yea time, oh yea and sleep, to the enlightenment and sharpening of my mind, But, in the end, it all boils down to Your decision, so here is my plea to You, let me achieve what I seek.

Mm. Quite intense times, but oh well, that is life, or our life here in Singapore, no point blabbering about how its unfair or whatever anyways. But sometimes, you gotta question yourself, why do YOU study? A question with ever-changing answers as you move from one person to another. Sometimes I wonder too, why. Generally, well, its obviously to secure a somewhat stable insurance to a good future, y'know, good job and shit like that. Sometimes, we study, cause we just have to, its the way the world works. Such a bummer.

I've just recently finished watching a movie called '3 Idiots', a Hindi comedy. As the name suggests, it involves three guys and true indeed, they deserve to be called idiots for their crazy antics. But man, this movie really moved me, not in the emotional like crying and all that, just those moments that you experience a sudden epiphany coupled with some emotional but positive surge, you dig? It encompasses around one of the three, a bright student, and oh yea, its about the journey of three friends through their varsity years. This dude, is one of those exceptional people as often depicted in movies, the crazy nice guy who despite all the retarded things he does, is a genius. Typical, I know. However, the thing that made this movie such a moving one for me was the advise he gave to his friends, and how he managed to rub off an aspect of him on his two buddies to the point that it was a life-changing thing for them. The trials that his friends experience, not by him, that really formed the essence of the movie. Such a nice movie.

Somewhere, something isn't working as well, something is getting worse, and damn it brings a foreboding feeling. The fluctuating searing pain, its a sign, something isn't right. But oh well, we shall leave it be, it will settle on its own, hopefully. Maybe its nothing, mm...

I miss fasting, contrary to what people think, I don't find it as a form of entrapment, but rather of release. There is a vibe you get when all this while, you want this and want that, and slowly, it all disappears and you want nothing, like a warm feeling of contentment wraps itself around me when I fast. Its like achieving inner peace in a sense, yeah, that. Mm....

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

The Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence

"This song about the inability for people to communicate with each other, not particularly internationally, but especially emotionally, so that what you see around you are people that are unable to love each other" 

-Art Garfunkel

What we tell ourselves, our minds intoxicated with thought.
The pinprick of light, emerging as we escape into the darkness
of our body succumbing to its human ends, to fatigue and of rest.
The remaining thoughts that emerge, as vivid as they may be before,
strangely forgotten when we wake from our sleep, a distant memory.
Like words at the tip of our tongues, like a sneeze midway through passage,
an incessant, unrelenting tugging as we ponder and inevitably meet with a wall.

Such a subtle yet influential event.

Our minds wander about as it unravels the events and thoughts floating by,
Like an ocean subjected to a storm, in constant flux, and full of chaos.
Pieces of a puzzle that were kept away, suddenly appearing clearly.
Keep calm and let it settle for it is a natural process, like breathing.
Embrace the sensation as peace creeps slowly into us,
The pinprick of light, greeting us with warmth,
silence the mind and be tranquil at heart.

A good sleep heals the mind and mends the body.

I have a strong affinity to animals, especially cats, and this really jerked some tears to my eyes.

... . .. .. .. . . .. . .. .. .. .. .. ... .. .. .. . . . ... . . ... . . .

Well people, we're really gonna be in one hell of a roller-coaster ride in the weeks to come, Guaranteed plus chop. Sure, it will be tough, that has already been assured. But what matters most is that we persevere and stand strong. The winds will batter us till we will want to drop to our knees, and many at times, we will feel like just giving up, but come on, thats not what we're here for are we? Hold tightly onto the reason why we've held on for so long and it will give us strength to trudge on. Look around and we'll see that everyones facing the same shit we are, and we gotta be there for each other, cause eventually, no matter what others say, only those experiencing the same things as we do will know how it truly feels. Indeed, the night is darkest just before dawn, and when day finally arrives, we will rejoice knowing that we have given our all for what is worth it. 

Allez

Bass, beats and rhythms provide me with some escape and release from the hectic lives we call lives, for now.
They speak my mind and generate momentum, energizing it while simultaneously hypnotizing me with its weaving.

You know, sometimes, at the end of the day when you're all tired and your minds feeling saturated, all you gotta do is just sit down somewhere comfortable, have a friend, and just take a moment to relax, talk and slow down a while. Yea, that works.

Who is my friend?

Hello, I've been waiting for so long, for you, just waiting oh-so-patiently for your arrival. In the dark, and in the light, In the rain, and in the sun. From the day you were born, for every breathe you take, I stand so silently, watching you as you age. Every tear your cried, every laughter, I have been there for you, your faithful companion. Sometimes, you do remember me, through reminders all around. The fear in your eyes, why is it there? Are you so attached to this place that you fear my arrival? Be reminded my young friend, this is merely a temporary abode. I will come for you, swiftly,  painfully or otherwise, you decide. For no matter what, it is the Inevitable. Till we meet my friend, farewell and may we meet embracing, peace be upon You. 

Well, I guess it is a common trait in people to believe that a person is merely what one sees them as seen through one's eyes. Sometimes, sometimes, thats not really the case. Sometimes, people show a different side of them in life so that others may pass through it with a smile etched on their faces and their days brighter. Sometimes, what they show isn't the only side they have, just one they feel is a nicer side that the world should see, often. But sometimes, people forget this. Its a form of ignorance I guess, to view another only through one vantage point. As unfair as it is, it is somewhat inevitable that this occurs and we must just accept it. However, when faced with such ignorance straight in the face, it does cause one to twinge a little inside. A tiny twinge that can and eventually will grow to become something... unpleasant? With such a stereotypical view that has been cemented in that person's head, it is undeniably hard to change it, hence to show one's other sides would be pointless. Ultimately, we all know ourselves best and the different facets that form our 'self'' albeit it does cause one to question the outcome should one do try to show one's other side, as failure is assured if no attempt is made, yes? It is as expected, sadly. Thankfully, as all things unpleasant within me, it can be extinguished easily or be buried further in the recesses of the seemingly endless glass bottle labelled emotions. Seemingly endless, if only. Sometimes, I wonder, when will it fill to the brim, and what happens then? 

Lets not ponder.

Sometimes, what we know as the truth isn't really it y'know?

I'm not speaking about the truth being the matter spoken by people

but rather of the truth of the matter that is.

Recently I've been having very strange dreams, very strange.

Sometimes, things that have never crossed my mind, consciously that is, would be depicted clearly in my head,

leaving a whole trail of confusion and questioning in my mind. Other times, I am at very strange places, though with people I know, whose presence by itself holds a significant meaning, albeit a hidden one. The most strangest of dreams that I have however are of dreams within dreams. Of waking up to reality while dreaming, as the movie Inception had so cleverly executed. 

These dreams, they're so vivid. Sprout from within me yet I do not understand.

They hold multiple meanings, so quizzical.

I don't get angry very easily, but sometimes, somethings just really tick me off. I've taken years to control and purge anger out of my system, cause personally, I think its unhealthy. But man oh man, when I do get angry, even I wonder how I'm capable of being that angry. Maybe its gotta do with th fact that I'm the kind of person to bottle my emotions up and just keep it in there, ignoring all the pressure thats building up. But thats just me, can't help it eh? Theres a very huge difference between getting pissed/irritated/annoyed/flustered/frustrated and angry, really. Nonetheless, there are always ways to vent it out without actually expressing it in the form of anger and thats what I will do. Pent up anger is not good for me either way.

I just find her really really, dayuum. Susan Coffey