we all have secrets,

like the corners of a room, inevitably cast in shadow.

some, we share among the closest, others we leave open, a question away.

and a few that we keep behind lock and key, thrown deep into the sea.

late at night, 

our thoughts travel far and wide, and wriggle deep down even.

tight lipped, brows furrowed and eyes either closed or open, distant.

they unravel for us to see what is reflected in the heart.

the cup is full,

filled to the brim with anger, fear and anxiety.

it weighs heavily on the mind, we enter a ponderous sleep.

there, our mind seeks to make sense of all and the result?

Dreams.

I lay awake, thinking of you thinking.
Its a troubling thing to think of,
But, an essential one, one in dire thought.
Thinking allows us to process, to weigh our decisions, rationallity and irrationality.
However, did God not put the human soul prior to letting the mind work?
Sometimes, no, often, I wonder. How would we be if we let our hearts rule our lives, it will be simpler, imperfect, but definitely sincere.
Our heart is from Him, and He knows best, for indeed, if we remember Him, He will remember us, and all shall be arranged.
An eternal internal war is being waged, between the heart and the mind, and I know for a fact, that no matter what, the heart must be the victor. My heart goes out to you oh reader, listen to my words and that it may bring you peace of mind and of heart :)

Today I remembered th reason to why I used to not show emotion.

a concrete face, a stone heart, an icy gaze,
They were my arms when facing moments when emotional breakdown would spell disaster. A quick, unfeeling and logical mind. Today I remembered why I had actually put it effort to sharpen the ability to remove myself from emotional attachment. Self control, patience and power. Today, I witnessed the weakness of emotional expression;

the seething teeth, the shivering arms, the stuttering and excessively loud tone. The raging fury that clouds your logic and sense, your awareness to reason and error. Silence, a nod here and there, the cool gaze that stares at your blood shot eyes. Oh what an illusion.

Respect, empathy and peace.

I don't understand what my body goes through, my vision sharpens, I see every detail, my peripherals extend, your tone, the environment, your actions, everything seems clearer. You grow distant, the room seems larger and you move further away. My body tenses ever so slightly, my muscles swollen with blood and fury. My lips are pursed, my eyes always looking straight into yours. Slow and deep breaths, my voice deepens when I speak, slow and calm. My mind not simply focused on the current scenario, playing multiple possible scenarios at once, my answers, curt, logical and unfeeling, quiet in my mind. You say I assume, yes you are correct. Let me finish. But, no. Its not worth it, yes, I am wrong and yes I show a lack of responsibility. Yes you are right. But your assumptions to why, I'm sorry to say, you're wrong. I like my job, I care for my men, for you however, not so much.

Simple as that.