I'm not feeling pensive in any way, but just wanna update regarding matters of late.

Okay, so lets rewind a bit. Prom Night. Man, that was an epic night. Met with them gay climbers at our hotel room first to prepare, lol that was funny. Every one of us was good-looking, as always. Then we proceeded to the hotel and BAM! Like system shock sia, since when TJC got so many good-looking people?! HAH. So yeah, then badabing badaboom, end of prom stuff, a hell lot of photos, shit got tired of smiling, but it was such a happy event so its okay, and we're off to post-prom with the climbers! HAHAHAHAHA shit must not be told, so nuh-uh. But I sure can tell you it was hilarious x)

Hmm, okay lets see whats next. Oh yeah, Clements Birthday Party. HAHA Shit that was epic. But only for th later parts, at first they were many people and since everyones not really close to everyone, it was quite divided, then as the night went by, people left and the people whos left are th ones that know each other more and hence more comfortable with each other, hence leading to stupid shit conversations and mocking/jokes, take for example me being called BoobBoy. Met a couple of new people, made new friends, like the gayboy Minron from HCI, who so blatantly blamed me for corrupting him in just one night, and became closer to others, it was actually an opportunity to like catch up with people who've been missing throughout A's, namely Natesha the jewbear. LOL.

Joyce's birthdays chalets next! Hahaha it was a short chalet, didnt last the whole night like clements but it was still fun nonetheless. Actually during th chalet i realized my class is a bit retarded in their own unique way, which i find endearing.

So yeahh, thats about all th happenings that happened?
Shit i think im getting high, like those stoned high, not th hyperactive high. everything seems distant, the musics just floating around and yeah...

this a glorious morning people.
WHY? Cause, as thousands across Singapore have probably already screamed at th top of their lungs or silently whispered to their hearts, that A levels, is FINALLY, OFFICIALLY, over. Yes, yes, I am indeed late regarding this 'update' but I choose to only do it when it is really really over, y'know, when th last paper is done. Looking back now, it only lasted for FOUR measly weeks, but it sure felt longer, more like a month. Yeah, saying it differently has different effects on me, I'm weird like that. 2 years have passed and now we're back here in the bubble of emptiness, okay not for those IP/TA people, they have yet to experience such sensations.

Yet, in all the celebration amidst us, I would like to thank whomever that have supported and pushed me on yeah? The first is always Him and that goes without saying, secondly to my little sister, who witnessed me in all my agony as I came as close to cracking as I have ever been and through a simple post-it note on my mirror, managed to give me the drive to carry on, it read 'Mat, you've gone too far to stop now! Rmb, it is you who takes away your own confidence. Ingat dia je (Just remember Him), CHEMON LEE!'. A simple message to remind me that no matter all the words of encouragement spoken to you, it still boils down to your own desire to achieve. So here it is, thank you little sister. Thirdly, to my mother and father, who despite her cluelessness regarding the rigour and significance of JC life, have always given faith to me to always look at th positive side of things, to always have your hopes high and only speak of the good things and to my dad, for being the silent disciplinarian in the family, always hoping the best out of me yet never saying it, but its okay, your little contributions may seem invisible to others but not me, I see the little things you do behind my back to provide support, from simple acts of not watching your favourite soccer match cause you know it'll be noisy for me to sending me to school ( and failing to do so cause he sent me to me secondary school! ). Thank you mom and dad, I am eternally grateful for your deeds. And LASTLY, to all of you gay people who've shared th same boat throughout this journey, th times spent groaning and lamenting regarding A's, th times spent wondering what happens after As with eyes bright with hope and enthusiasm, and th times we toiled together in libraries, at homes, under the blocks, at the bustops, in th buses, at the Expo, at school, uniting our drive to support each other, Thank you my friends.

Strangely, th small and soft consolation I whisper to my heart, that As is finally over, has a greater effect on me than screaming it out with my all of my lungs as I initially thought.

And to celebrate the end of As, ahh as usual, it is with them gays, you climbers. Nothing beats spending time with you guys man, seriously, for all the nonsensical bullshit we share, underneath all that cock and bull, lies a connection between all of us, and for that, damn I have no words to speak of. Love you guys man, especially th guys, you fags. Such a weird manner of expression huh? Oh well, HAHA! and Of course with Natasha, whom you guys would only recently discover, except for some, yeah. :)

I WILL TOTALLY BE LATE FOR SCHOOL TODAY BUT OH WELL.

just for the feeling yeah;
A's IS OVERRRRR

Everyone has their flaws, some big some small.
Though sometimes, it really gets in your face and you either just keep it in, or just shoot th person down. I have a strong tendency to just keep it in, y'know, just let it bounce about in my mind, usually it'll die down after awhile, but sometimes, when it occurs too frequently, you just feel like exploding. This is probably one of the reasons why inside i'm a pretty angry kid, but oh well, i'm sure its all safely locked inside, pity the person who unknowingly makes me explode. Furthermore, today something happened and I realized that I'm hardly sad because I channel my sad emotions into anger, and I think thats rather unhealthy, but oh well, thats the way I deal with things yea... Theres no special way of presenting my thoughts today, initially had a draft in my head when I was angry and all, but its all dissipated into nothingness so its just plain words. Mm, I'm tired. Goodbye

Smiling in the dark

This familiar rumble, of ups and down, and of butterflies,
yet, they are in th wrong place, no, not in my stomach.
Rather, it is in this little heart of mine. Oh th irony.
Like hot ice, this bittersweet feeling envelopes me whole.
I close my eyes, and listen to the beating of my heart,
Th organic morse code machine, sending a message.
Like th first sprout of spring, it will never cease to amaze,
th silence and darkness, right before th fireworks explode into colour.
All rivers take a meandering path, but it will always lead to the sea.
Alas, I have taken a slow meandering journey, and what awaits me?
Surprise, surprise it is as I have foreseen, nonetheless, surprisingly.
Ohh th irony, this familiar rumble, of ups, and downs, and of butterflies,
Is it me, or is it fate, or is it just my luck?

... ... .. .. . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . .. . . .. .. . .

I know, I know, A's is in 6 days!
But who am I to impede?

Chugga chugga choo chooo!

The days are closing by, rushing by, going in a blur.
The intensity, so fierce, almost creeping into frantic.
Like mindless drones, we study till our brains well up.
Now and then, doubt fills our head and dark clouds hang by.
Everyone needs a reminder once in awhile, hang on, hang on!
Like a marathon, THIS is the final lap, will you give up?
Alas, as the saying goes, the night is darkest before dawn.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and dive in,
cause we're all there with you too.

Verbal response.

It seems that I'm always incapable of expressing myself coherently through verbal response.
Its a habit I guess, I speak too fast, always murmuring or slurring my words into one tangled mess.
It does get frustrating sometimes, and I would just not repeat myself, deeming the situation futile, preferring to let the person or persons decipher what I've just spoken. Oh well. I agree it does require some getting used to and not everyone can do it. I do believe that through words, I am much more successful in bringing across my point. It forces me to stop and look at the words I've typed before actually sending it. Though there are moments where no words can describe, but thats a whole different issue right there. But as clear as day, limiting one's expressions to mere words is obviously not a choice and hence, I will put in more effort to slow down my words. It does becomes a chore especially when my mind is on a roll and in order to not lose track of it, it just flows out. Nonetheless, I will try. The benefits are numerable and hence, worthwhile.

SPEAK SLOWLY.

Like dust in th wind we float by, guided by unseen, uncontrollable forces.
the unknown destination we head for, a constant flux in our minds, ever changing.
what we wish for, what we want, malleable and adaptable, can it be achieved?
Place weight in actions, hold th reins and steer as you wish, and bring change.
Change, as always, only comes through ideas set in motion and effort made.
Alas, the outcome still lies in the fog of Life, so close, yet never in our grasp.
Inevitable. The forces, they remain unseen and uncontrollable, laying th way for us.
After all that can possibly be done, we can only hope and pray, that is as We intended.

Air dicincang tiada akan putus.


Thats a Malay proverb. Literally, it means that a stream of water, no matter how you slice, will always be flowing. Metaphorically, it means the bond between brothers, no matter the fights and arguments, will always remain. And it is one that I can very much relate to.

If you guys have ever placed me and my brother in a room, and hear us speak, or whatever, you'd probably see us bickering or having a laugh while mocking someone or something like that. And damn, when we bicker, often it would be the both of us shouting at each other followed by harsh silence, then before we know it, al iz well once more. As we grow up, my brother and I, naturally, we are molded through the different experiences that we face in life and as a result, have conflicting views and attitudes regarding some issues. Inevitably, as boys growing up charged with hormones, we fight and argue and sometimes hit each other, but despite all that shit, we will always remember the wise words of our elders and let the dust settle and you know, chill out like normal times, which is every other time when we're not fighting. And the best thing is, its like you know, being brothers, we're equipped with an inborn Bluetooth connection, so even when neither of us speaks during the silence, we know what each other is thinking, and you know, being the mature people we are, we always know who is in the wrong and shit like that, so its like a natural spontaneous forgiving process that occurs invisibly. But obviously being the younger one, it is my nature and also out of respect, that I accept my brother for who he is and you know, accept each other's flaws and stuff cause, yeah, nobody's perfect yeah?

Its 3am, I wake up and stare at the darkness all around me.
I wonder where I am, and most importantly, why am I here.
No answers come to mind and I just sit there, wondering.
I see familiar faces, we speak and we move, but I don't know to where.
Suddenly apprehension grips me and I suddenly feel that I'm doing something wrong.
I shake off the feeling and focus my thoughts
and then I wake up.

Tiring dream. It was as if I've been awake since the moment I woke up in my dream, which had a negative effect on me throughout the day, feeling stoned all day long. I have to find a way to unravel my thoughts, my dreams are getting too confusing to be interpreted, too strange... A reflection of my thoughts, possibly in liquid silver with ripples all around. Someday, they will stop and hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to understand clearly.

The Ying and Yang of World Hunger

See, thats th kinda drawings that i wanna make,

at first sight, it seems, well, kinda messed up, sometimes th subjects that make it up seem a bit unlinked, but the more you look at it and observe it, it becomes ever clearer and suddenly, it all dawns upon you, BAM! its a wonderful feeling, to connect the dots between two ideas, and to project it onto paper and infusing creativity into it, while simultaneously bringing across a message, that isn't necessary clear but given time and thought, will be evident to those who lay their minds upon it, mm such a wonderful feeling. And usually, I aim for that in them.

Sometimes, we bear the heaviest of burdens, th darkest of secrets.

They weigh us down, even th strongest will feel its weight.

In time, we grow stronger and it feels lighter, a relief.

Then we remember, we were just fooling ourselves, it is as heavy as before.

Then come a handful strangers into our life.

Strangers whom you have a sudden deep connection with,

whom through the test of time, of hormonal mood swings and a barrage of arguments,

emerge, as individuals who, through their presence, carry the weight along with you.

Individuals who I am truly, as far as my heart goes, grateful and thankful for.

We speak our wishes in shadows and hushed tones,

yet they somehow hear it out loud and respond,

Not necessarily to fulfill, merely to acknowledge.

When it is too painful to say, they listen, to our hearts

Facial expressions schooled to fool all others,

sometimes betray the inner emotions that bode within.

The comfortable silence that hangs in the atmosphere,

veiling the unspoken conversation between us

Human beings have the innate need to form connections.

Bonds are formed between people undergoing a similar experience,

Strong bonds are formed between people who have undergone the ups and downs,

The strongest of bonds are formed when these bonds are strained,

and however strongly they are pulled, they remain sturdy and through this, become stronger.

'The mind, once stretched beyond its original dimensions, will never revert back to it.'

-Albert Einstein

Its been awhile since I last written anything so, there won't be any particular direction to my words tonight, just whatever that pops in my head, just gotta write, makes me feel good.

OKAY, well, what a relief, today is over. Truthfully, today was quite a mentally tiring day, with chem in the morning and bio and in the afternoon, even my mind is tired, and that doesn't happen often mind you. Seriously, whoa, it was such a combination bio and chem, but thankfully, it went alright, or so i hope to believe.

Well, I hand it over to You man, I have done what I believe is sufficient, as You have said, change does not come without effort, and truly, I have invested much time and ... yea time, oh yea and sleep, to the enlightenment and sharpening of my mind, But, in the end, it all boils down to Your decision, so here is my plea to You, let me achieve what I seek.

Mm. Quite intense times, but oh well, that is life, or our life here in Singapore, no point blabbering about how its unfair or whatever anyways. But sometimes, you gotta question yourself, why do YOU study? A question with ever-changing answers as you move from one person to another. Sometimes I wonder too, why. Generally, well, its obviously to secure a somewhat stable insurance to a good future, y'know, good job and shit like that. Sometimes, we study, cause we just have to, its the way the world works. Such a bummer.

I've just recently finished watching a movie called '3 Idiots', a Hindi comedy. As the name suggests, it involves three guys and true indeed, they deserve to be called idiots for their crazy antics. But man, this movie really moved me, not in the emotional like crying and all that, just those moments that you experience a sudden epiphany coupled with some emotional but positive surge, you dig? It encompasses around one of the three, a bright student, and oh yea, its about the journey of three friends through their varsity years. This dude, is one of those exceptional people as often depicted in movies, the crazy nice guy who despite all the retarded things he does, is a genius. Typical, I know. However, the thing that made this movie such a moving one for me was the advise he gave to his friends, and how he managed to rub off an aspect of him on his two buddies to the point that it was a life-changing thing for them. The trials that his friends experience, not by him, that really formed the essence of the movie. Such a nice movie.

Somewhere, something isn't working as well, something is getting worse, and damn it brings a foreboding feeling. The fluctuating searing pain, its a sign, something isn't right. But oh well, we shall leave it be, it will settle on its own, hopefully. Maybe its nothing, mm...

I miss fasting, contrary to what people think, I don't find it as a form of entrapment, but rather of release. There is a vibe you get when all this while, you want this and want that, and slowly, it all disappears and you want nothing, like a warm feeling of contentment wraps itself around me when I fast. Its like achieving inner peace in a sense, yeah, that. Mm....

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

The Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence

"This song about the inability for people to communicate with each other, not particularly internationally, but especially emotionally, so that what you see around you are people that are unable to love each other" 

-Art Garfunkel

What we tell ourselves, our minds intoxicated with thought.
The pinprick of light, emerging as we escape into the darkness
of our body succumbing to its human ends, to fatigue and of rest.
The remaining thoughts that emerge, as vivid as they may be before,
strangely forgotten when we wake from our sleep, a distant memory.
Like words at the tip of our tongues, like a sneeze midway through passage,
an incessant, unrelenting tugging as we ponder and inevitably meet with a wall.

Such a subtle yet influential event.

Our minds wander about as it unravels the events and thoughts floating by,
Like an ocean subjected to a storm, in constant flux, and full of chaos.
Pieces of a puzzle that were kept away, suddenly appearing clearly.
Keep calm and let it settle for it is a natural process, like breathing.
Embrace the sensation as peace creeps slowly into us,
The pinprick of light, greeting us with warmth,
silence the mind and be tranquil at heart.

A good sleep heals the mind and mends the body.

I have a strong affinity to animals, especially cats, and this really jerked some tears to my eyes.

... . .. .. .. . . .. . .. .. .. .. .. ... .. .. .. . . . ... . . ... . . .

Well people, we're really gonna be in one hell of a roller-coaster ride in the weeks to come, Guaranteed plus chop. Sure, it will be tough, that has already been assured. But what matters most is that we persevere and stand strong. The winds will batter us till we will want to drop to our knees, and many at times, we will feel like just giving up, but come on, thats not what we're here for are we? Hold tightly onto the reason why we've held on for so long and it will give us strength to trudge on. Look around and we'll see that everyones facing the same shit we are, and we gotta be there for each other, cause eventually, no matter what others say, only those experiencing the same things as we do will know how it truly feels. Indeed, the night is darkest just before dawn, and when day finally arrives, we will rejoice knowing that we have given our all for what is worth it. 

Allez

Bass, beats and rhythms provide me with some escape and release from the hectic lives we call lives, for now.
They speak my mind and generate momentum, energizing it while simultaneously hypnotizing me with its weaving.

You know, sometimes, at the end of the day when you're all tired and your minds feeling saturated, all you gotta do is just sit down somewhere comfortable, have a friend, and just take a moment to relax, talk and slow down a while. Yea, that works.

Who is my friend?

Hello, I've been waiting for so long, for you, just waiting oh-so-patiently for your arrival. In the dark, and in the light, In the rain, and in the sun. From the day you were born, for every breathe you take, I stand so silently, watching you as you age. Every tear your cried, every laughter, I have been there for you, your faithful companion. Sometimes, you do remember me, through reminders all around. The fear in your eyes, why is it there? Are you so attached to this place that you fear my arrival? Be reminded my young friend, this is merely a temporary abode. I will come for you, swiftly,  painfully or otherwise, you decide. For no matter what, it is the Inevitable. Till we meet my friend, farewell and may we meet embracing, peace be upon You. 

Well, I guess it is a common trait in people to believe that a person is merely what one sees them as seen through one's eyes. Sometimes, sometimes, thats not really the case. Sometimes, people show a different side of them in life so that others may pass through it with a smile etched on their faces and their days brighter. Sometimes, what they show isn't the only side they have, just one they feel is a nicer side that the world should see, often. But sometimes, people forget this. Its a form of ignorance I guess, to view another only through one vantage point. As unfair as it is, it is somewhat inevitable that this occurs and we must just accept it. However, when faced with such ignorance straight in the face, it does cause one to twinge a little inside. A tiny twinge that can and eventually will grow to become something... unpleasant? With such a stereotypical view that has been cemented in that person's head, it is undeniably hard to change it, hence to show one's other sides would be pointless. Ultimately, we all know ourselves best and the different facets that form our 'self'' albeit it does cause one to question the outcome should one do try to show one's other side, as failure is assured if no attempt is made, yes? It is as expected, sadly. Thankfully, as all things unpleasant within me, it can be extinguished easily or be buried further in the recesses of the seemingly endless glass bottle labelled emotions. Seemingly endless, if only. Sometimes, I wonder, when will it fill to the brim, and what happens then? 

Lets not ponder.

Sometimes, what we know as the truth isn't really it y'know?

I'm not speaking about the truth being the matter spoken by people

but rather of the truth of the matter that is.

Recently I've been having very strange dreams, very strange.

Sometimes, things that have never crossed my mind, consciously that is, would be depicted clearly in my head,

leaving a whole trail of confusion and questioning in my mind. Other times, I am at very strange places, though with people I know, whose presence by itself holds a significant meaning, albeit a hidden one. The most strangest of dreams that I have however are of dreams within dreams. Of waking up to reality while dreaming, as the movie Inception had so cleverly executed. 

These dreams, they're so vivid. Sprout from within me yet I do not understand.

They hold multiple meanings, so quizzical.

I don't get angry very easily, but sometimes, somethings just really tick me off. I've taken years to control and purge anger out of my system, cause personally, I think its unhealthy. But man oh man, when I do get angry, even I wonder how I'm capable of being that angry. Maybe its gotta do with th fact that I'm the kind of person to bottle my emotions up and just keep it in there, ignoring all the pressure thats building up. But thats just me, can't help it eh? Theres a very huge difference between getting pissed/irritated/annoyed/flustered/frustrated and angry, really. Nonetheless, there are always ways to vent it out without actually expressing it in the form of anger and thats what I will do. Pent up anger is not good for me either way.

I just find her really really, dayuum. Susan Coffey

Every time I go there, I feel refreshed when I'm back. A rejuvenating process that never fails to open my eyes to things I've previously been blind to, to clarify and cement the matters floating around in my head and of course, to just leave me hanging in limbo, jaws hanging in astonishment or mind jumbled up with a major conundrum. The last one comes without saying. Nonetheless, its still a good feeling. Its like suddenly realizing (again) how we're so small as an individual in a really huge world, or worlds I might add. Admittedly, these trips have affected me in more ways than one, and I gladly embrace the changes that follow. Sometimes, we need moments to slow down a little, get blown away by something, in the positive sense, and collect our thoughts, like a child with puzzle pieces? Everyone has their own way of experiencing this, and mine are these trips. I really hope that when I grow up, I will not be swept away by the buzz of life here in Singapore and forget the places where I've been since I was little, and remember how to get there and visit. Mm, it would be a terrible terrible waste if I do, a terrible waste.

.... ... . . .. .. . .. . .. .. ... .. .. . ... . .. . .. . .. ... .. . . . ... . . . .. .. .. ..

I had written a huge chunk of words to explain how I'm feeling. And it just disappeared. Just not meant to be told I guess

-

Four values I aspire to attain

To be truthful in my words, actions and purpose.

To be completely sincere in everything, and not act in self-interest, no matter what.

To be one that opens the way for others.

To be one that is fair in judgement and to everyone.

Yeah, whenever I think about it, whoa, sure sounds difficult. But as I've been told, nothing is difficult, its just us making it seem difficult. So yeah, here goes~

By the Time, verily, Man is in loss.
Except for those who believe, and do righteous good deeds,
and invites one another to the Truth, and invites one another to the patience.

Patience my friend, you are the key to victory.
Tolerance is our greatest strength,
and vengeance is the first sign of weakness.
Still our hearts and think with clarity,
but what the heart wishes, it cannot be denied.
Look beyond the clouds, with feet firmly on the ground.
Be thankful for what is provided and wish not for more.
Its a simple rule we live by, if we can have more,
if we deserve more, we will get more.
What it is, that is the question.
That which has been given, do not pass it on.
Speak not of it and be silent.

Things to be happy about:

Delicious food
Warm blankets
Presences of loved ones
Good music
Drawing random stuff
Improvements in results
Waking up at 12
Work done

... And many more.

.... ... . ... ... . . .... .. ... . ... .. . .. .. . ... .. . .. .. .. . . ... .. .. .. .. . .

Every once in a while, I discover new places to sate my hunger for food and design, and yesterday, I found one! One Scoop of Art hiding within Marine Parade Library. Anwar brought me there with promises of delicious ice cream after Friday prayers, obviously I'd tag along, like c'mon, who would reject an offer of delicious ice cream, right? And damn was he right! The gelato flavours are what you'd expect, dark chocolate, oreo, butterscotch and brownies and such, but wow, they sure taste different! Maybe you can say that I possibly have limited taste, but I sure know my chocolate flavours man. And this ones goooood. However, the thing about this place that catches my eye the most is the design. The floors cemented but has gigantic swirls of ice cream from the entrance on. The contrast of colours with the dark grey of the cement is somehow visually appealing, you know? Apart from that, wherever you look, they're art pieces being hung or pasted around the shop, pieces of art made by patrons (including mine!) which ranges from canvas paintings, drawings, and paintings. Their cupboards are pure white with drawings of cute things done by marker that is so random its just eye-catching! Lastly, they have a good portion of the area thats like meant for people to enjoy their food while drawing/painting! Its like the perfect place to just whine down after a day for people like me man, can just enjoy some good food and draw some random stuff and go. Whoo!

Product of Good ice cream and weird person.

The cupboard.

Well, obviously by now its all over the news, Spain's glorious victory over the Dutch early this morning, marking the end of the World Cup. A period of 6 weeks where all soccer fans compromised on sleep and much activities, to catch on THE biggest competition in the world. Despite the fact that I have only slept an hour or so this morning, its completely worth it. Just looking at the image above and recalling the adrenaline pumping through my veins when they won, it just gives me the shivers! The glory they achieved, together as a team, soldiering on through all the matches, never giving up and always giving their best, all because they know what they want, and the sacrifices necessary. In the end, its all smiles for the winners. All smiles and tears. Beautiful man... It's probably the few occasions where the sight of men kissing other men in celebration, is normal and adored! Obviously theres a link here, I guess watching Spain's victory inspires me, to keep on going. Cause in the end, we'll all be smiling when we do our best, and receive what we deserve, those dastardly evasive As in our report slip, YEAH! Till then ...

Temasek Junior College Climbing Club 09/10

Hello.

Its surprising that despite the fact that we're midway through JCTs, I'm here blogging, but thats exactly why I'm here, its halfway done! Wait, no, its more than halfway done! 2 H2s down, GPs down, leaving only Maths and 2/3 of Chem, mm, still, doesn't give a reason to slack, but oh well, I feel I've studied enough for the night anyway.

Change does not occur passively, indeed, for it to occur, we must put in effort. And thats exactly what I've done. I've possibly studied more during the past June holidays than I ever have, and all because I would like to see results. I've always been the kind to depend on my mere intellect and possibly fragments of studying here and there to cope with my studies, but this year, it must be different. Now, we must really start to excel, and that my friends, take lots of effort and much sacrifices. Looking at the far-reaching consequences of A's, I'm sure we're all ready to do just that. But at last, the greatest of fears arise when much has been invested. As Clement said, he's feeling extra scared this time round cause he knows, this time, he did put in more effort. And as much as we all want results, sometimes, shit happens. I concur it is a justified fear, but come to think of it, we will never know till we try, yes? As Einstein had said, 'The mind, once expanded, will never revert back to its original dimensions.' I read that in primary five and it has always been a strong motivation for me to always keep on pushing the limits of my mind. Whats there to lose anyway? This is, the last hurdle, one which is one the most importance, in my opinion. Why? Because from this point on, our lives will finally play out, when we finally become adults and take control of our lives, and as much as we hate to admit it, education is vital, so yea, here we are, toiling our guts out so that we may have better lives ahead, and even then, it is not assured. Comical, undeniable, reality. Thankfully, I have no problems with studying, man, sounds so retarded, but I actually like to study. Study, not mug at night with eyelids drooping and stomach rumbling, I prefer, and only do, study when I'm feeling good, fortunately thats almost every time, except for th stomach part, thats, a bit hard yea...

On another note, the day has finally arrived (and past without me being there, unfortunately) when my brother finally shaved his head bald and disappears for enlistment! The first of the family, how exciting! I sound like a child, but this is truly a riveting experience for me. MY brother, going for NATIONAL SERVICE. Doesn't get anymore personal than this! I really hope it'll be some sort of life-changing for him, cause well, he's truly a lazy person. So yea, I'm looking forward to when he comes back, all dark and bald, lol. Undeniably, I do miss his presence, always checking up on me when I'm not home, asking me where I am, his hogging of the computer and beside me in the bed, HAHA! 

My sanctuary, a place where I learn that which cannot be taught anywhere else or by anyone else, where time stays still and life comes to a pause, filled with people whose names glow in the dark, yet remain in shadows, enlightening. All seem to fizzle out from insignificance. Peace and tranquility, and much learning, much of it...

Eminem's Lose Yourself & Till I Collapse

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

Cause sometimes you just feel tired.
You feel weak and when you feel weak you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse

After watching a few hindustani movies, which were th kind of movies that I grew up to, I realize that it has actually influenced me greatly in how I am as a person. In the traditional movies, th stories were usually about love, which is typical of a hindustani movie, but it also explores the traditions of family, morals and values, especially that of respect and honour. 

Recently, to relieve myself of stress from studying so intensively, I managed to watch four hindustani movies and mind you they're all close to three hours long. (My Name Is Khan, Rab Ni Bana De Jodi, Munna Bhai and Munna Bhai 2) Makes me wonder how I even manage to watch them. But anyway, as I've said earlier, each of them explored similar branches of life. Surprisingly, I found myself able to associate closely with the characters in each movie, which enhanced the movie experience to the point that I teared in all of them. There were sad movies. Wait, no. Sad is a sweeping statement. Each movie had a general storyline where the main dude is basically a nice guy, but as always theres always a flaw in them, be it them suffering from autism, being a geek or even a don. So they're nice guys and yet shit gets thrown at them, y'know? But the beautiful thing about these movies are the little things that they do and portray, showing them overcome their struggles and win over someone's love or respect. 

Life Lessons learnt from Hindustani movies:

1) Patience is a virtue. Life may seem unfair when you look at it closely, but take a step back and you will see, for everything, there is a reason. Just needs a little time and perseverance to understand.

2) Respect others and eventually they will respect you. Eventually. Tied to the first point, earning respect takes time, but it is a worthwhile effort, one that brings much ease in the future.

3) Love may not necessarily be clear. Love for one may not be explicitly displayed, but human beings have different ways of expressing their feelings. The sweet words whispered by a lover or the scoldings from a father, there are but one and the same.

4) Always keep to one's words and be honest. It is a easier to tell th truth and seek understanding than to lie and always keep lying. Holding back the truth may hurt in the long run.

5) Family ties and strong friendships are things that may get damaged, but it will never break, as long as it is sincere and based on truth.

6) Material wealth is not everything. Sometimes, the most valuable of life treasures are not bought with money nor are they pegged a monetary value.

7) Always do the right thing, even if everyone else isn't.

Oh well, here it is again.
But wait, theres a twist.
Not a twist, but rather a slight addition of weight.
No longer just another exam, for now, it holds a measure.
To indicate,
To indicate whether we're  ready to take this seriously,
whether we can prioritize and realize what is important,
and whether we are prepared, prepared to give it our all.
Albeit, not an accurate one, but it IS still a measure, yes.
Hmm, such dark times we live in, currently.
All the stress, it has been piling,
on all of us, thats for sure.

Step 1 : Take a deep breath.
Step 2 : Let that shiver run down your spine.
Step 3 : DON'T LOOK AT THE CALENDAR.
Step 4 : Clear your head, and let go off all the unnecessary distractions
Step 5 : Focus and do the shit that needs to be done.

Calvin describes this as a marathon,
and a marathon it is indeed.
We're all competing, but hey, who said we can't help each other out yea?

Allez guys,
The important thing to do right now is to keep on going, to keep on pushing,
no matter how slow.

... .. ... . . ... . . . .. .. .. ... .. .... .. ... ... . . . .. ... . . .. . .. .. .

Every time it gets close to a major exam, I blog about it.

Yesterday, or rather, two hours ago, was one of my bestfriend's birthday, Syed Fadhil Yunus Al-Sagoff.

Its a rare occasion that we, being my other bestfriend, Muhammad, and I to celebrate his birthday considering how he's always overseas when its his birthday, but finally, today, it isn't!

It was a simple surprise, we just got him a simple chocolate cake, surprise him at his house followed by dinner with his family and just time to chill together. Ahh, the beauty of the simple things and the joy it brings. Despite the fact that his brother accidentally blurt it out to him, he still played along, how typical. A simple celebration, just the three of us and his family. Six years man... 

Its a joy to always know that there will always be these two guys with me, apart from you guys, who I can always turn to to find comfort, share my thoughts and problems, and just have fun with. We've been through shit and good times together, and all this time, despite the squabbles we had with each other, despite the girls that we had, despite the different schools we ended up in, we still stick with each other, knowing that the companionship we have is irreplaceable.

Irreplaceable. 

Matchbox Twenty - Disease

Feels like you've made a mistake, 

you've made somebody's heart break.

 Now I have to let you go, 

I have to let you go.

You'd have to stay, 

on every one of my good dates. 

But I'm stronger than you know, 

I have to let you go. 

No ones ever turned you over, 

no ones trying to ever let you down.

Beautiful girl, I can't breathe.

I got a disease, 

deep inside of me, 

makes me feel uneasy with it. 

I can't live without you telling me, 

what am I supposed to do about it? 

Keep your distance from me, 

don't pay no attention to me. 

I got a diseasee. 

All that has a beginning, has an end.

Every chapter in Life will eventually come to a close,

Its the essence of it that will last forever in all of us.

A lasting imprint on our hearts and minds.

The laughters, the scowls, the vulgarities,

the jokes, the intimate conversations,

the merry and sometimes crazy outings,

the hours spent mugging together, 

the intense discussions,

the climbs, the falls,

-you guys know what we've been through yea..-

I don't exactly know how to place these feelings in words,

As I reminiscence of all the moments, be it a bitter or sweet memory,

no words come to mind, 

. . .

Just a strong feeling of attachment and belonging,

to the people whom I've grown to love and trust,

people, who despite their unique quirks, has bonded together so closely,

to say that we're a mere club would be an understatement, an insult even!

Temasek Junior College Climbing Club 09/10

For once, I have no words to speak.

Only to smile.

(:

Human beings are adaptive creatures, able to adapt to many environments, and all that it takes is their will to do so.

Adaptations occur due to a necessity to do so, a measure taken in order to survive or to thrive in an environment.

In life, with ever-changing circumstances, it is crucial to hone and master this advantage.

Choices, choices, choices. Decisions based on opportunity costs. What does it take to make one?

The weight, insurmountable.

But alas, when the moment comes to change, we must, or we risk losing control of the situation we have for so long grown comfortable to.

Change, and adapt.

Live and let die.

... . ... .. .. .. .. . . . ... . .. . .. ... .. . .. .. . .. . ..

You rest your head on empty pillows,

wake up and open your eyes.

ISN'T IT JUST BEAUTIFUL?

I think, I think

Tiles are like people,

Many at times, we let all the

bitterness, cold, and bland

parts of life to veil our true colours

and our true nature too

and maybe, just maybe,

we just need to let someone spray us 

with high-pressured water!

Rid of all them dirt and stains

So we that become all nice again,

yes? 

Sometimes, sometimes.

24-25 April 2010
Probably, THE weekend to remember
Full of awesome things happening, of astounding achievements and satisfaction
This is for the team. Temasek Junior College Climbing Club - TJCCC

Yishun SAFRA

For the past month, all the trainings were held here with consideration that it would benefit us.

The journey was troublesome and time-consuming, but alas, it has bear fruit

Top Three for Male and Female Difficulty for A Div.

Honestly, one of the most proudest achievement.

Overall A Division Champion - TJC

In the end, it all goes back to everyone who is TJCCC, 

every individual who contributed, supported and trained

We win, as a team

as a family,

woots.

Ohhh man this week has been one of THE most tiring weeks, EVER.
Though I'm unsure why, ever since Monday, the days seem to slog by so slowly and I would go home utterly tired, mind saturated and feeling grumpy, haha! I just need one whole weekend of rest and study, maybe.
BUT, thats not going to be anytime soon yea, NSSCC is happening, WHOOO!

Last weekend has proved worthy of mention with Chris getting CHAMPION for individual speed category!
Man, the atmosphere was pure electric! Especially so during the final round to determine the champion. It felt as if time stood still and everyones eyes were directed to the wall. Everyone holding their breath simultaneously, hearts racing, expecting their hopes to be turned into reality, oh such a great moment. Though, nothing beats the pure joy when Chris's hands were raised, indicating him as champion, HOLY SHITTTT.

When Chris got first, it was all smiles mann

The Speed Team of TJCCC

Check out Sherwin, Haha!

Anyway, now the focus is on whats happening for THIS weekend, the difficulty category being the main focus. Just gotta do our best, for it is a FACT that we have trained hard for this,

ALLEZ TJCCC!

Dreams of beautiful buildings taking my breath away

Of hope in a situation of hopelessness and the rewards for a sincere heart

Of strength from within emerging to overcome trials met

Of dreams achieved and of lasting companionship

Of life with its ups and downs and how for every hardship there is a reward

Of the journey undertaken alone

.. . .. .. ... .. . . ... .. .. .. .. .. .. ... .. . . .. .. . .. . . .. .. . .. ..

A barrier of stone keeps the waters at bay

However water erodes even the strongest stone

From the soft lapping of water to monstrous surges

Bit by bit they eat away at the foundations 

Till when will it last? 

Till when will the stone hold the waters at bay? 

People always say that God works in mysterious ways.
Yet, why look so far when sometimes,
even people work in mysterious ways.

... . .. . . . .. .. .. .. . ... . .. . . . . .. .. ... . . . . .. . .. . .... . .

Far too often, we tend to judge others too soon before light of the circumstance can be revealed fully.
Years upon years of education has taught us to make intelligent deductions based on current conditions.
However, sometimes, we are wrong, and all we needed was to be a little bit more patient, just a little bit.
When faced with similar circumstances, we make our judgments based on previous outcomes.
When faced with new ones, we make them based on guesses and expectations.
What our heart whispers, it is inevitably reflected in our words or actions.
Hence it is without a doubt that to rid ourselves of this tendency to judge,
we must try our best to squelch them before it materializes fully within us.
Ah, such complexities within us, the eternal clash between the heart and the mind.

.. ... . .. . .. .. .. ... ... .. . . .. . . .. . . .. ... . .. . . . .. . ... . . ... .. .. .

Its been awhile since I've last sat down among elders and just silently listened to their tales.
To the point that I have semi-forgotten how much there is to learn from them.
I will try, to speak, only after I have listen, listen to others, listen to myself.

Peel the layers and find something beautiful.
Looking across oceans and mountains to see,
you might just miss out what lies just ahead.
Even in calm waters, there may be danger lying in wait.
Extinguish the spark before it grows to be fire.
Words spoken can never be retrieved back, think before you speak.
Even if the truth hurts, it is better to tell it than to lie.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Love all, trust a few

Lets.see.if.hardwork.pays.off.Lets.hope.
No.expectations.just.hope

The.frustrations.that.exist.
simmer.out.of.sight.never.out.of.mind
unstable. reactive.and.powerful.
easily.warping.to.more.sinister.forms
quell.them. quickly.hurry.
seek.the. peace.and.see.the.calm.
speak.not.in.anger.
fury.in.words.their.sting. long-lasting.
still.your.mind.and.your.heart.
in.th.midst.of.the. hurricane.lies.the.inevitable.tranquil.

....

Sometimes.sometimes.things.may.get.overwhelming.

Through.the.sweat.and.tears.remember.the. faces.that.we.see.

Think.of.them.these.people.who.seem.to.always.be.there

and.maybe.it.will.be.easier.to.bear