Weight

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

In the name of the Most Generous, Most Knowledgeable, Who Sees and Hears all.

What differentiates Man from beast, is Aql, or loosely translated as Intellect; the gift and ability to process, reflect, ponder, store, wonder and more. Only with this Intellect can we have the ability to improve our being through the attainment of Enlightenment and Knowledge. 

Change cannot occur without action, and action cannot occur without intent, and intent cannot occur with desire. How, how can we as human beings look upon an open door, and choose to close it? I hope this will never happen to me. The path has been illuminated and made clear, the signs have shown the way and the destination, the door has been open, and all I have to do is to tell my limbs, my mind, my heart and my spirit, to walk through that door and to continue on the path.

The responsibility that comes with Enlightenment and Knowledge is to act upon that opportunity given and to change one's self. It is also to act upon what you now know and to apply it into your life. There is no benefit, no fruition if the seed is present, but it is not planted in the soil, nor if it is not taken care of. I hope that I will change and that the seed will bear fruit for verily I know it will. 

Walk through to that door, Ahmed Khalil Khan, walk through that door.

Ameen.

The wisdom of words spoken in hushed tones, behind closed doors, for some that is not for most.

I'd swim the ocean for You.

there is always a reason, a plan behind it all, unseen and unknown, we swim in an ocean with no horizon in sight, our vision clouded by fear, for we see not the shore that lies ahead, what limited vision we have, yet we remember not, overcome in our limitations, we forget, we forget to breathe, our limbs, they can only do so much, they tire, we tire and soon, all we can do is keep awake, and our body fails and we drift, carried off by the current, tides with purpose, unseen and unknown to us, what is this current, where does it come from, where does it lead, we care not, all we know we have drifted off and yet, we are moving still, we do not sink, we float as it is in our body to float, what made us, knows we will tire and we will face difficulty, face fear, face hopelessness, but we do not remember but still it does not fail us.


stop. Stop trying to swim in the ocean so vast, you have no power, you are so human.

stop. Stop and let it be, let it go.

stop. And the shore will appear, for all waves end up lapping against a shore, and that is the promise.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

The Seven Oft-Repeated Verses.

I only had the urge to truly understand it recently. It being repeated so many times in a day, it seemed mind-boggling for me to not understand the meaning behind, and why did it take so long? I do not know. I only knew that I must know and embrace its meaning, soon, quickly and fully.

The first tier of understanding is always to take what is read or heard literally. This gives us the basic understand of what the message is, what the context is and the beings involved.

The second tier of understanding is tafsiran, or interpretation. This gives us a deeper understanding in the sense that we are now examining why such words are spoken in certain ways, we try to figure out the subliminal tones involved and the implied effects of the chosen words. It enables us to have to have a better clue behind the reasons why such verses were sent down, their purpose.

The next tier of understanding I believe, is one that cannot be learnt or taught by another person. It is understanding that comes as a gift from Him and this tier of understanding, encompasses the very essence of the verses sent down, no, not the verses, but the very hurufs or alphabets that make up the verses. It gives a dimension to the very utterance of the huruf and its meaning is not verbally understood but is felt by the essence of the body. It is a gift, and as many of His gifts, they are hard to understand.

... . ... .. .. .. . . . . . . .. . .. . . . . . . . ... ... .. ..

Understand, for without understanding; 

the words you speak, 

the actions you do, 

they are incomplete.

Flick of a Switch

There can be no light where there is darkness.
Darkness and disease wrack the Heart, absent.
Light and noble traits beautify the Heart, present.
Actions, words and thoughts leave impressions.
Like water on rock, they carve th way of our Hearts.
Be mindful of them, their strength and direction,
keep them in check and the way is true.
Good traits are not in-born, they are influenced,
and are mimics of environment they inhabit.
Sometimes we are placed in the good, other times, the bad.
But in the end, it is our decision that the Heart follows.
Discipline yourself, physically, mentally, spiritually,
in order to remove the Darkness that tarnishes.
Like dirt, if left unattended, will pile on high.
Do not disregard it or pay it little heed, important.
Take active steps to always purify yourself, habit.
Slowly but surely, wash away the impurities that exist,
cure yourself of the many diseases that riddle your Heart,
then, and only then, CAN Light be made present.

Fear

The cold seeps through the bones, extinguishing warmth that seem to only be an illusion.
The cold seeps through the bones, into the mind and leaves a physical and mental chill.

I look around and all seems normal, yet the odd sensation hangs heavy in the air and the hair at the nape of my neck stands, shivers running up and down my spine. I close my eyes, seeking a sanctuary from this perpetuating fear that is enveloping my being with such abruptness. Instead of the peace and tranquillity, an unsightly image appeared and I forced my eyes open, shocked, the fear multiplied manifold.

Something dropped and my heart skipped a beat, in my fear, I cried out in fear with hopes to banish whatever fragment of my imagination that had materialized. I was stricken with fear.



It was a... chilling experience, to be so overwhelmed with fear. Rarely does it ever happen to me.
And I know deep down, what is the root cause of that fear, and I am fully aware that it is entirely my own doing.

Peace at Heart

Failure is a consequence, an effect of cause. The cause may be clear as day, or shrouded from us, but it is there.

Our human minds wrestle with the possible causes of failure, questioning its credibility and seeking something to justify either the fairness of failure or the unfairness of failure.

Our human emotions are plunged into the pit of despair and turmoil that accompanies failure, bitter and hopeless we feel helpless. We feel what are human emotions tell us.

Our Hearta, what does our Heart say or do when failure knocks by her door? The Heart is simple, it answers, and accepts. The Heart seem to say 'I have failed.' She seeks no recompense or reassurance, the Heart tells us that what happens has happened and happens.

It is our mind and our emotions that seek justification, our mind and emotions that seek answers, our mind and emotions that are thrown into turmoil and sadness and despair.

And so, as the storm subsides and the dust has settled, I look at my Heart and listen to her Peace.

Peace of Mind

It lies in tranquility, the storms of days past gone.
It sways to the Whisper of a wind, a soft blowing breeze.
It rests in a pool of Light, a soft enlightening Illumination.
When the Storms raged and sought to ravage, it clung on.
When the Winds howled with ferocity, it shut it out.
When the Darkness swallowed and blinded, it sought Light.
Its current state comes not by chance, but by Effort.
Effort comes not without direction, but with a Purpose.
Purpose comes not without understanding, but with Knowledge.
Knowledge comes not without invitation, but with Enlightenment.
Enlightenment comes not to those that are unworthy, but only to the Pure.
Alhamdulillah.

A piece of flotsam, floating out at sea. The waves are sometimes gentle, cooed by the gentle breeze, other times, it crashes like thunder, invoked by hurricane winds.

At times, we find ourselves afloat, and we feel alive, well and blessed. At times, we are submerged deep underwater, we feel lost, blinded and full of despair.

We are swayed by the currents and the wind, we go about our existence moulded by our experiences. Salty waters corrode and fresh waters cleanse, our words are lost to the wind and her voiceless whispers. We are carried on the back of creatures and at times, bitten to pieces by creatures too.

Our journey is endless for we see no end. What we see or do not see is not an indication of our reality, for in truth, we will leave the waters, eventually, but we do not see. Alas, we are but pieces of flotsam floating out at sea.

I am perturbed.

There seem to be a distinct line between Science and Religion, a line that seems to distinguish between the Logical and the Mystical, as commonly understood and agreed upon by the majority.

However, that is not what disturbs me.

What disturbs me is when people wrongfully conclude that one is True, and the other is Untrue. This is a huge transgression on their end. They conclude so, without exploring both, and arrive to a premature conclusion. Its as if their minds are completely blocked from even considering the Truth behind the other. Are they that ignorant? I can only hope so, for with ignorance, there is still hope for them. For those who are openly in denial when the truth has been shown to them, I do not know what to say.

We live in an era where Science reigns supreme in the proving and disproving of theories, be it regarding the machinations of the world or the organic system of an organism. Science holds its head high in supremacy, with its numbers, figures, diagrams and graphs. I no way am I saying that such empirical evidence do not point towards the certainty of a hypothesis, I certainly hope so. The problem arises when Science assumes that such empirical evidence are enough to PROVE a hypothesis. As beings of limited knowledge, sometimes, our conclusions are only half-baked and the evidence are merely checkpoints to a complete understanding. What I am trying to say is that Science today repeats the flaw of stopping its thought process prematurely. It treads on the right path, but it does not reach the proper analysis and conclusion. This results in incorrect research and incorrect understanding and incorrect implementation and eventually, disastrous consequences.

True, what I have to say requires a certain level of pre-requisite faith but hey, this is my opinion.

What Religion has, which Science cannot or has so far been unable to, or is simply ill-equipped (equipment-wise or knowledge-wise) is the proper way, be it in the field of medicine, physiology, astronomy or geography. Somehow, the explanation eludes researchers, or maybe its simply because research has not been invested into exploring the ways of Religion. Its as if the mystical concepts are seen as obsolete or backward, and scientists simply refuse to examine it. This disturbs me. Incomplete, yet the answer is right there.

Sometimes, I feel that Science is merely Humanity's feeble attempts to understand God's ways and it has been birthed so that WE, Man, may have a glimmer of understanding of His wonders.

A tremor shakes the little bolts that hold up the foundation of the structure.

The knees bend at the weight that lies heavy on the shoulder.

Fists clenched, teeth bit in grit, the mind keeps at bay what the body wishes.

The gates have closed, and none shall pass, and guard from falling.

The grains of sand trickle by,
never pausing for a moment.
A steady stream, flowing past the fingers of Men,
of whom only few manage to capture and be immortalized through Time.

Leaves turn brown as the End draws near,
names inscribed upon the veins,
life seeps, and Death creeps,
they fall and the soul feels it,
alas the End draws near for them.

The pen has been set aside, and the ink has dried. The Book that is Fate is completed.

Youth

I realized why I have such a low tolerance for bullshit/when someone says something wrong.

Sure, it may be because I am a man of facts, but I think on a more basic level, its simply because when I was younger and behaved like so, I was always either reprimanded, shot-down, humiliated or corrected. I must admit, it is a vicious cycle and I am a vengeful - or fair (depends how you see it) person.

And thus began a slow conditioning to behave as such when I come across such behaviour, and now, here we are, me - now.

No, it does not necessarily do with me being a scholar, or officer, or the younger brother, or being smart-alecky or whatever nonsense that one may think of when thinking superficially, its as simple as saying the truth. But surprisingly, disappointingly I might add, there seem to be a problem in accepting truth when it gets in the way of the Ego.

Sigh.

Ego, you are an ugly beast in the form of Man, infecting their hearts, hardening it and twisting their words. You are hard to swallow and even harder to spit out. Ego, I will tame you and make you be silent.
In time, you will have no power over Me.

... . .. .. ... .. ... .. . . .. .... . .. ... ... .. .. .. .. . ... .. .. .. .. ... .. ... ... .. ... . .. . .. ..

Despite that; I am aware I adopt a sharp tongue, aggressive tone and non-compliance to listen. I need to work on that.

Declaration of Nothingness

Declare, declare where you stand.
Declare, declare that you are helpless, and in need of help.
Declare, declare that you have nothing.

and ask.

That is what I hope to mean every time I prostrate myself to You.

I am but a flawed human being, I am so full of mistakes, of bad habits, of vices and evil things that reside in my heart. I admit.

I only wish that I can be better, how much better I do not, and can not know, for that very knowledge limits my potential to improve.

I want to be right. That is all.

Please show me the Way

Forgive Me.

"Remind them, for you are only a reminder."

In my essay for my UK application, I highlighted how I am inspired and in awe of Nature, its perfection in structure, beauty and form and stated that to learn from Nature, is to learn the ways of the Creator.

The transformation of a caterpillar to a butterfly, a wonderful transformation from something strange looking to something beautiful. Miracles take time to happen, and sometimes the process may seem long and painful. We rarely understand process fully that it comforts us, but we must have faith that all we face in Life, the trials and tribulations, are good for us.

The way to the purification of the Heart is first achieved by curbing the soul (Nafs) from its excessive desires (Hunger and Appetence).

How?

Hunger

1. Hunger purifies the Heart, it sharpens and illuminates one's insights.
2. The weakness that hunger brings softens the Heart and makes it more susceptible to Allah and to remember Him.
3. Our dependence and need for sustenance puts us in our place and demolishes our pride and ego by reminding us of our mortality and need for something apart from ourselves.
4. When sated, we forget Allah, His Trials and Torments and are more likely to sin.
5. The denial of our Nafs increase our control over it.
6. Hunger brings repulsion to sleep and allows us to remain awake longer.
7. Hunger allows for lengthy acts of worship to be carried out with greater ease.
8. Hunger has its own bodily health benefits.
9. By not eating, we reduce our expenditure.
10. Reminds us of the misfortune of others and makes us more empathetic to their needs.

"The non-believer eats with seven intestines (Nafs?), while the believer eats with one."

Also, overeating impairs the consciousness of Allah and His Provision, our gratitude, humility and fortitude.

Trying, but it seems worth it, doesn't it?

Night Vigil

1. "Spread peace, feed the needy, perform the Night Vigils and you will enter Paradise with ease." Its the little things that count.
2. Qiyam Al-Layl refers to the prayer done in the last third of the night, when the rest of Mankind is sleeping. This is when you are closest and most intimate with Allah, for nothing else distracts you. It is the time when Allah grants us our doas.
3. Qiyam Al-Layl brings us close to our Lord, atones for our sins, drive disease from our body and puts a stop to transgression.
4. "Because they (those that perform the night vigil and charity) commune with the Most Merciful and He clothes them in light with His Light.

The night vigil is difficult to perform as it requires one to wake from sleep in the wee hours of the morning. First, have the right intention. Second, go to bed early and do not overeat. Third, repent always and last, be consistent.

Silence

In silence, we can hear more.

"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, speak good or be silent."

1. Even if there is a glimmer of doubt that your words will harm others, it is better to remain silent.
2. It is part of faith to speak Truth and that brings benefit to others.
3. Good speech is the foundation of good deeds that lead to Paradise.

Avoid backbiting; to mention that about your brother that which he hates. If it is true, it is backbiting. If it is false, it is slander. So... Its better to simply speak good or to remain silent.

How?

First, remember the benefit of keeping silent.
Second, fear the punishment of speaking bad.
Third, busy your tongues with Zikr and Qur'an.
Fourth, discipline yourself.
Last, apply the 3 second rule before speaking.

When reflecting on the Beauty and Nature of the Universe, remember Him.

"O our Lord, glory be to Thee and protect us from the fires of Hell."

Have good companions, be a good companion. You are more likely to follow the faith of your friends. Do not let the displeasure and discouraging words of people stop you from pursuing your Lord.

Derision;
to ridicule or humiliate someone and/or to mock or make jest of somebody at the expense of insulting them.

"This would be a useful lesson for me."

Ignorance is tied with the Derision. How?
It is the ignorant people that ridicule others for they do seek understanding before responding to somebody.

The people of Israel asked Nabi Musa A.S for help and Nabi Musa A.S responded by saying that Allah commands the slaughter of a cow. They (the people of Israel) said "Do you make us in ridicule?" He replied (responding with a doa) "I seek refuge in Allah from being among the ignorant."

Al Baqarah

This is an example of how a lack of understanding, combined with the lack of patience, can make one reply in a way that is of Derision. Thus, before responding, always think about your words before speaking, lest you ridicule others. Also, be open minded to the words and suggestions of others, do not merely jump to a conclusion prior to seeking understanding.

Recall the story of Nabi Nuh A.S, where as he constructed the Ark, as commanded by Allah S.W.T, his people ridiculed him and doubted his words, despite him being a man of Truth. This is the reality of our world, a world that has forgotten Allah S.W.T. The world will ridicule you and make you doubt yourself, and when trials and obstacles are aplenty. Hold firm and do not sway to the tides of the world.

Allah has stated in the Al Q'uran how He will test the believers with many things, it is expected!

Humor and Levity are important in human life. But Levity as a way of life harms the spiritual Heart.

Syeikh Hamzah Yusuf

As narrated by Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "If you knew that which I know, you would laugh little and weep much." Rasulullah S.A.W foresaw the state of his Ummah in the future and is greatly saddened by it. Our world today is backward and completely opposite of what Islam has taught. Knowing this, we should learn to be more aware and avoid the bad things. Do not be oblivious and inactive.

Laughing too much will darken the spiritual Heart, it is difficult for the Light of Allah to be reflected in the Heart. Hence, we should cleans and purify our Heart so that is can reflect Light (through the remembrance of Him).

Someone who mocks others are usually Arrogant and feel superior to them, hence, it is not unusual to find that the Cure of Derision is also the Cure for Derision. (Do not look down upon others for the tests may come in various forms)

1) Know your place and be Humble as a Creation of Allah: Even when Rasulullah S.A.W has won Mecca back after being exiled and treated poorly, when He entered Mecca, He had his head bowed down (in Humility).

2) Realize that the essence of mockery is to insult another: When making jest, be aware of the feelings of others as they may feel insulted and humiliated. Remember, you will be treated in Akhirat as you have treated others.

Whenever a mishap befalls another, do not laugh or ridicule them. Whenever a mishap befalls you, Allah raises you to a higher station and forgives your sins for He is Most Forgiving. Thus, be thankful for all that befalls you, be it good or bad, for in the end, He Knows Best.

In all that we have learnt, there is no point if it is not practiced.

That which cleanses the Heart is not the learning, instead, it is the act of Remembrance of Him that cleanses the Heart.

You only understand something fully when you can make others understand as well.

What can we do but wait, our efforts, merely supplications.
Like a vessel to be filled, all we can do is clean the vessel,
while waiting for the Master to pour His contents into it.

A vessel drips what it is filled with.

What is your vessel filled with?

Robot

Seeds come in many forms; some with soft flesh ready to supplement its eventual growth, some are hardy and tough, adapted to grow even in harsh environments and others are light and whimsical, flying wherever the wind takes them.

Regardless, any seed requires a few necessary conditions before they can grow.

I look at nature and I see the world of Men reflected in it.

People are like seeds, their background, upbringing, character and education mould them to be who there are.

However, before people can fully realize their Self, some conditions, though at different times and different degrees, must be met to allow that to happen.

If we do not expose ourselves to different environments, sometimes we deny ourselves experiences that may be what we need to enrich our growth.

Harsh environments remind us that Life can bring us low, and we can be stripped of comfort and choice, but it strengthens us and it directs us to find that glimmer of hope to hold on to when th light gets dim.

Comforting environments provide us with a form of release and escape from our difficulties and our problems. They are periods that remind us that our sacrifice and hardship will and have brought about a reward that we can enjoy. However, lest we forget, comforting environments are also reminders of what can be taken away.

It is a duality that exists everywhere in nature, a dynamic that pervades our very existence.

What we have to do is just to open our eyes, and our Hearts to learning and appreciating that dual nature of life that is the nourishment that we need and receive throughout our lives that will enable us to grow.

So be it good or bad, have faith and All Iz Well.

Meditate on Yourself

When most people awake from their sleep, their dreams are usually mere fragments, and it is unclear at best.

When I awake from my sleep, my dreams are as clear as my hand and it is clear enough for me to replay it.

I question things, and for the questions that I pose, there are always sources that can provide an answer.

How then do I find the answer to the questions arising from my dreams?

Its a strange feeling when I realize that I am dreaming, it feels so real. Just goes to show how powerful our sleeping mind is. I have read in a book, that the sleeping mind is the dormant bank of knowledge and power that all humans possess but is usually unable to tap when they are conscious.

Does it mean that when we are asleep, and our mind is not distracted by the little things that is our conscious life, it is able to access that part of our mind? Studies have often shown that our mind is more active when we are asleep due to the lack of distractions, providing for an optimal environment to solve deep-seated issues and process. 

Maybe so. And if so, I am quite certain it is a matter of practice and consistent effort before we can access that part of our mind consciously. 

SO FIRSTLY,

We must get rid of the distractions that pepper our mind incessantly, always asking for more attention than needed or necessary. Lets take this step by step shall we. Baby steps to a grand goal, a better Self.

If God wills it.

"Please ease my breathing so that I may sleep in peace."

"Why would He grant me my wish merely because I asked for something?"

"He grants to whoever He pleases, but often He grants to those that pleases Him."

"My eye sight is poor, what I would give to see through His sight."

"A devout servant who has devoted his Life to His Master, can simply ask, and behold, it will be granted."

"What a sight it must be, to see the world, to see everyone doing everything, to see all the happiness, sadness, peace, turmoil, the good and the bad, all at once."

"No mere mortal can bear that sight."

"No mere mortal is granted such a sight."

and darkness envelopes as I finally fall asleep.
I realize that if I don't focus my thoughts on anything, it will eventually centre on Him, Alhamdulillah.

Man is a tragedy.

By the time, Verily Man is in loss.

A promise and a declaration that we are surely losing something great.

Except -

An indication of a minority as compared to the majority, an exception

- for those who believe, AND does righteous good deeds, AND invites one another to the TRUTH, AND invites one another to the patience.

The answer is laid bare before us, like a textbook to an examination. It is there, we can see, we can use it, only if we put the effort to. We are drowning in an ocean and we are asleep in a beautiful dream. We wake and we realize our reality and we try to swim. We break through the surface and gasp for air, but we get pulled under. We realize we are chained to another who is asleep, and drowning. We wake them up, not for their survival, but for ours. We tell them, "Wake up! Wake up!" persistently, and until they do, and we remind them why they must wake up, and that they are drowning. We may get tired, we may get frustrated, but we must not give up, and we must be patient. We are drowning. 

The four criteria that saves us. 

Knowledge is the key to the door of change. 

Guidance is the light that fills the passageway. 

The door may be open, the way may be lit, but until we take that step, 

we will never pass through it.