Peace of Mind

It lies in tranquility, the storms of days past gone.
It sways to the Whisper of a wind, a soft blowing breeze.
It rests in a pool of Light, a soft enlightening Illumination.
When the Storms raged and sought to ravage, it clung on.
When the Winds howled with ferocity, it shut it out.
When the Darkness swallowed and blinded, it sought Light.
Its current state comes not by chance, but by Effort.
Effort comes not without direction, but with a Purpose.
Purpose comes not without understanding, but with Knowledge.
Knowledge comes not without invitation, but with Enlightenment.
Enlightenment comes not to those that are unworthy, but only to the Pure.
Alhamdulillah.

A piece of flotsam, floating out at sea. The waves are sometimes gentle, cooed by the gentle breeze, other times, it crashes like thunder, invoked by hurricane winds.

At times, we find ourselves afloat, and we feel alive, well and blessed. At times, we are submerged deep underwater, we feel lost, blinded and full of despair.

We are swayed by the currents and the wind, we go about our existence moulded by our experiences. Salty waters corrode and fresh waters cleanse, our words are lost to the wind and her voiceless whispers. We are carried on the back of creatures and at times, bitten to pieces by creatures too.

Our journey is endless for we see no end. What we see or do not see is not an indication of our reality, for in truth, we will leave the waters, eventually, but we do not see. Alas, we are but pieces of flotsam floating out at sea.

I am perturbed.

There seem to be a distinct line between Science and Religion, a line that seems to distinguish between the Logical and the Mystical, as commonly understood and agreed upon by the majority.

However, that is not what disturbs me.

What disturbs me is when people wrongfully conclude that one is True, and the other is Untrue. This is a huge transgression on their end. They conclude so, without exploring both, and arrive to a premature conclusion. Its as if their minds are completely blocked from even considering the Truth behind the other. Are they that ignorant? I can only hope so, for with ignorance, there is still hope for them. For those who are openly in denial when the truth has been shown to them, I do not know what to say.

We live in an era where Science reigns supreme in the proving and disproving of theories, be it regarding the machinations of the world or the organic system of an organism. Science holds its head high in supremacy, with its numbers, figures, diagrams and graphs. I no way am I saying that such empirical evidence do not point towards the certainty of a hypothesis, I certainly hope so. The problem arises when Science assumes that such empirical evidence are enough to PROVE a hypothesis. As beings of limited knowledge, sometimes, our conclusions are only half-baked and the evidence are merely checkpoints to a complete understanding. What I am trying to say is that Science today repeats the flaw of stopping its thought process prematurely. It treads on the right path, but it does not reach the proper analysis and conclusion. This results in incorrect research and incorrect understanding and incorrect implementation and eventually, disastrous consequences.

True, what I have to say requires a certain level of pre-requisite faith but hey, this is my opinion.

What Religion has, which Science cannot or has so far been unable to, or is simply ill-equipped (equipment-wise or knowledge-wise) is the proper way, be it in the field of medicine, physiology, astronomy or geography. Somehow, the explanation eludes researchers, or maybe its simply because research has not been invested into exploring the ways of Religion. Its as if the mystical concepts are seen as obsolete or backward, and scientists simply refuse to examine it. This disturbs me. Incomplete, yet the answer is right there.

Sometimes, I feel that Science is merely Humanity's feeble attempts to understand God's ways and it has been birthed so that WE, Man, may have a glimmer of understanding of His wonders.

A tremor shakes the little bolts that hold up the foundation of the structure.

The knees bend at the weight that lies heavy on the shoulder.

Fists clenched, teeth bit in grit, the mind keeps at bay what the body wishes.

The gates have closed, and none shall pass, and guard from falling.

The grains of sand trickle by,
never pausing for a moment.
A steady stream, flowing past the fingers of Men,
of whom only few manage to capture and be immortalized through Time.

Leaves turn brown as the End draws near,
names inscribed upon the veins,
life seeps, and Death creeps,
they fall and the soul feels it,
alas the End draws near for them.

The pen has been set aside, and the ink has dried. The Book that is Fate is completed.

Youth

I realized why I have such a low tolerance for bullshit/when someone says something wrong.

Sure, it may be because I am a man of facts, but I think on a more basic level, its simply because when I was younger and behaved like so, I was always either reprimanded, shot-down, humiliated or corrected. I must admit, it is a vicious cycle and I am a vengeful - or fair (depends how you see it) person.

And thus began a slow conditioning to behave as such when I come across such behaviour, and now, here we are, me - now.

No, it does not necessarily do with me being a scholar, or officer, or the younger brother, or being smart-alecky or whatever nonsense that one may think of when thinking superficially, its as simple as saying the truth. But surprisingly, disappointingly I might add, there seem to be a problem in accepting truth when it gets in the way of the Ego.

Sigh.

Ego, you are an ugly beast in the form of Man, infecting their hearts, hardening it and twisting their words. You are hard to swallow and even harder to spit out. Ego, I will tame you and make you be silent.
In time, you will have no power over Me.

... . .. .. ... .. ... .. . . .. .... . .. ... ... .. .. .. .. . ... .. .. .. .. ... .. ... ... .. ... . .. . .. ..

Despite that; I am aware I adopt a sharp tongue, aggressive tone and non-compliance to listen. I need to work on that.

Declaration of Nothingness

Declare, declare where you stand.
Declare, declare that you are helpless, and in need of help.
Declare, declare that you have nothing.

and ask.

That is what I hope to mean every time I prostrate myself to You.

I am but a flawed human being, I am so full of mistakes, of bad habits, of vices and evil things that reside in my heart. I admit.

I only wish that I can be better, how much better I do not, and can not know, for that very knowledge limits my potential to improve.

I want to be right. That is all.

Please show me the Way

Forgive Me.

"Remind them, for you are only a reminder."

In my essay for my UK application, I highlighted how I am inspired and in awe of Nature, its perfection in structure, beauty and form and stated that to learn from Nature, is to learn the ways of the Creator.

The transformation of a caterpillar to a butterfly, a wonderful transformation from something strange looking to something beautiful. Miracles take time to happen, and sometimes the process may seem long and painful. We rarely understand process fully that it comforts us, but we must have faith that all we face in Life, the trials and tribulations, are good for us.

The way to the purification of the Heart is first achieved by curbing the soul (Nafs) from its excessive desires (Hunger and Appetence).

How?

Hunger

1. Hunger purifies the Heart, it sharpens and illuminates one's insights.
2. The weakness that hunger brings softens the Heart and makes it more susceptible to Allah and to remember Him.
3. Our dependence and need for sustenance puts us in our place and demolishes our pride and ego by reminding us of our mortality and need for something apart from ourselves.
4. When sated, we forget Allah, His Trials and Torments and are more likely to sin.
5. The denial of our Nafs increase our control over it.
6. Hunger brings repulsion to sleep and allows us to remain awake longer.
7. Hunger allows for lengthy acts of worship to be carried out with greater ease.
8. Hunger has its own bodily health benefits.
9. By not eating, we reduce our expenditure.
10. Reminds us of the misfortune of others and makes us more empathetic to their needs.

"The non-believer eats with seven intestines (Nafs?), while the believer eats with one."

Also, overeating impairs the consciousness of Allah and His Provision, our gratitude, humility and fortitude.

Trying, but it seems worth it, doesn't it?

Night Vigil

1. "Spread peace, feed the needy, perform the Night Vigils and you will enter Paradise with ease." Its the little things that count.
2. Qiyam Al-Layl refers to the prayer done in the last third of the night, when the rest of Mankind is sleeping. This is when you are closest and most intimate with Allah, for nothing else distracts you. It is the time when Allah grants us our doas.
3. Qiyam Al-Layl brings us close to our Lord, atones for our sins, drive disease from our body and puts a stop to transgression.
4. "Because they (those that perform the night vigil and charity) commune with the Most Merciful and He clothes them in light with His Light.

The night vigil is difficult to perform as it requires one to wake from sleep in the wee hours of the morning. First, have the right intention. Second, go to bed early and do not overeat. Third, repent always and last, be consistent.

Silence

In silence, we can hear more.

"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, speak good or be silent."

1. Even if there is a glimmer of doubt that your words will harm others, it is better to remain silent.
2. It is part of faith to speak Truth and that brings benefit to others.
3. Good speech is the foundation of good deeds that lead to Paradise.

Avoid backbiting; to mention that about your brother that which he hates. If it is true, it is backbiting. If it is false, it is slander. So... Its better to simply speak good or to remain silent.

How?

First, remember the benefit of keeping silent.
Second, fear the punishment of speaking bad.
Third, busy your tongues with Zikr and Qur'an.
Fourth, discipline yourself.
Last, apply the 3 second rule before speaking.

When reflecting on the Beauty and Nature of the Universe, remember Him.

"O our Lord, glory be to Thee and protect us from the fires of Hell."

Have good companions, be a good companion. You are more likely to follow the faith of your friends. Do not let the displeasure and discouraging words of people stop you from pursuing your Lord.

Derision;
to ridicule or humiliate someone and/or to mock or make jest of somebody at the expense of insulting them.

"This would be a useful lesson for me."

Ignorance is tied with the Derision. How?
It is the ignorant people that ridicule others for they do seek understanding before responding to somebody.

The people of Israel asked Nabi Musa A.S for help and Nabi Musa A.S responded by saying that Allah commands the slaughter of a cow. They (the people of Israel) said "Do you make us in ridicule?" He replied (responding with a doa) "I seek refuge in Allah from being among the ignorant."

Al Baqarah

This is an example of how a lack of understanding, combined with the lack of patience, can make one reply in a way that is of Derision. Thus, before responding, always think about your words before speaking, lest you ridicule others. Also, be open minded to the words and suggestions of others, do not merely jump to a conclusion prior to seeking understanding.

Recall the story of Nabi Nuh A.S, where as he constructed the Ark, as commanded by Allah S.W.T, his people ridiculed him and doubted his words, despite him being a man of Truth. This is the reality of our world, a world that has forgotten Allah S.W.T. The world will ridicule you and make you doubt yourself, and when trials and obstacles are aplenty. Hold firm and do not sway to the tides of the world.

Allah has stated in the Al Q'uran how He will test the believers with many things, it is expected!

Humor and Levity are important in human life. But Levity as a way of life harms the spiritual Heart.

Syeikh Hamzah Yusuf

As narrated by Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "If you knew that which I know, you would laugh little and weep much." Rasulullah S.A.W foresaw the state of his Ummah in the future and is greatly saddened by it. Our world today is backward and completely opposite of what Islam has taught. Knowing this, we should learn to be more aware and avoid the bad things. Do not be oblivious and inactive.

Laughing too much will darken the spiritual Heart, it is difficult for the Light of Allah to be reflected in the Heart. Hence, we should cleans and purify our Heart so that is can reflect Light (through the remembrance of Him).

Someone who mocks others are usually Arrogant and feel superior to them, hence, it is not unusual to find that the Cure of Derision is also the Cure for Derision. (Do not look down upon others for the tests may come in various forms)

1) Know your place and be Humble as a Creation of Allah: Even when Rasulullah S.A.W has won Mecca back after being exiled and treated poorly, when He entered Mecca, He had his head bowed down (in Humility).

2) Realize that the essence of mockery is to insult another: When making jest, be aware of the feelings of others as they may feel insulted and humiliated. Remember, you will be treated in Akhirat as you have treated others.

Whenever a mishap befalls another, do not laugh or ridicule them. Whenever a mishap befalls you, Allah raises you to a higher station and forgives your sins for He is Most Forgiving. Thus, be thankful for all that befalls you, be it good or bad, for in the end, He Knows Best.

In all that we have learnt, there is no point if it is not practiced.

That which cleanses the Heart is not the learning, instead, it is the act of Remembrance of Him that cleanses the Heart.

You only understand something fully when you can make others understand as well.

What can we do but wait, our efforts, merely supplications.
Like a vessel to be filled, all we can do is clean the vessel,
while waiting for the Master to pour His contents into it.

A vessel drips what it is filled with.

What is your vessel filled with?

Robot

Seeds come in many forms; some with soft flesh ready to supplement its eventual growth, some are hardy and tough, adapted to grow even in harsh environments and others are light and whimsical, flying wherever the wind takes them.

Regardless, any seed requires a few necessary conditions before they can grow.

I look at nature and I see the world of Men reflected in it.

People are like seeds, their background, upbringing, character and education mould them to be who there are.

However, before people can fully realize their Self, some conditions, though at different times and different degrees, must be met to allow that to happen.

If we do not expose ourselves to different environments, sometimes we deny ourselves experiences that may be what we need to enrich our growth.

Harsh environments remind us that Life can bring us low, and we can be stripped of comfort and choice, but it strengthens us and it directs us to find that glimmer of hope to hold on to when th light gets dim.

Comforting environments provide us with a form of release and escape from our difficulties and our problems. They are periods that remind us that our sacrifice and hardship will and have brought about a reward that we can enjoy. However, lest we forget, comforting environments are also reminders of what can be taken away.

It is a duality that exists everywhere in nature, a dynamic that pervades our very existence.

What we have to do is just to open our eyes, and our Hearts to learning and appreciating that dual nature of life that is the nourishment that we need and receive throughout our lives that will enable us to grow.

So be it good or bad, have faith and All Iz Well.

Meditate on Yourself

When most people awake from their sleep, their dreams are usually mere fragments, and it is unclear at best.

When I awake from my sleep, my dreams are as clear as my hand and it is clear enough for me to replay it.

I question things, and for the questions that I pose, there are always sources that can provide an answer.

How then do I find the answer to the questions arising from my dreams?

Its a strange feeling when I realize that I am dreaming, it feels so real. Just goes to show how powerful our sleeping mind is. I have read in a book, that the sleeping mind is the dormant bank of knowledge and power that all humans possess but is usually unable to tap when they are conscious.

Does it mean that when we are asleep, and our mind is not distracted by the little things that is our conscious life, it is able to access that part of our mind? Studies have often shown that our mind is more active when we are asleep due to the lack of distractions, providing for an optimal environment to solve deep-seated issues and process. 

Maybe so. And if so, I am quite certain it is a matter of practice and consistent effort before we can access that part of our mind consciously. 

SO FIRSTLY,

We must get rid of the distractions that pepper our mind incessantly, always asking for more attention than needed or necessary. Lets take this step by step shall we. Baby steps to a grand goal, a better Self.

If God wills it.

"Please ease my breathing so that I may sleep in peace."

"Why would He grant me my wish merely because I asked for something?"

"He grants to whoever He pleases, but often He grants to those that pleases Him."

"My eye sight is poor, what I would give to see through His sight."

"A devout servant who has devoted his Life to His Master, can simply ask, and behold, it will be granted."

"What a sight it must be, to see the world, to see everyone doing everything, to see all the happiness, sadness, peace, turmoil, the good and the bad, all at once."

"No mere mortal can bear that sight."

"No mere mortal is granted such a sight."

and darkness envelopes as I finally fall asleep.
I realize that if I don't focus my thoughts on anything, it will eventually centre on Him, Alhamdulillah.

Man is a tragedy.

By the time, Verily Man is in loss.

A promise and a declaration that we are surely losing something great.

Except -

An indication of a minority as compared to the majority, an exception

- for those who believe, AND does righteous good deeds, AND invites one another to the TRUTH, AND invites one another to the patience.

The answer is laid bare before us, like a textbook to an examination. It is there, we can see, we can use it, only if we put the effort to. We are drowning in an ocean and we are asleep in a beautiful dream. We wake and we realize our reality and we try to swim. We break through the surface and gasp for air, but we get pulled under. We realize we are chained to another who is asleep, and drowning. We wake them up, not for their survival, but for ours. We tell them, "Wake up! Wake up!" persistently, and until they do, and we remind them why they must wake up, and that they are drowning. We may get tired, we may get frustrated, but we must not give up, and we must be patient. We are drowning. 

The four criteria that saves us. 

Knowledge is the key to the door of change. 

Guidance is the light that fills the passageway. 

The door may be open, the way may be lit, but until we take that step, 

we will never pass through it.

If I could weave art instead of words, a splash of colours, black and white, a sharp edge, thin and bold lines, shades of grey, random dots indicating flaws, motion on paper, I would.

Music has always inspired a more focused side of me. Its like a lubricant to my thoughts, music, its rhythm  the vocals, the bass, every note easing the congestion that are my thoughts.

Right now, listening to Armin, aside from the natural movements of my limbs to the sounds of trance, my mind creates images of multi coloured ribbons streaming and weaving in the air through a huge cavern, illuminating the walls with luminescence as the walls come alive with vines crawling up to the ceiling where it opens up to a sun rise over a mountain ridge and a hard flowing river at the foreground with a man running along it, desperately chasing something, his breathing ragged and limbs moving too fast for the eye to catch. He runs, a shadow against the bright background until he reaches a summit of sorts and there awaiting him is a small note. As he looks upon the notes, he is brought back to a distant memory of his young life, and colours start flying again.

You know what I miss? Crunching numbers. Doing Mathematics till I go numb and its just a process that I do in my head. Something as simple as a tweet regarding maths triggered this strong desire in my head and I went on to crunch some random algebraic problems in my head. I don't know why, I just do. Random variables here and there. Of course its limited by how difficult the problems I have faced in the past, but it just clicks naturally in my head. I guess its like cheating, doing a test with the answer in hand, but surprisingly, its not. There is no solution at present, just a problem.

Like random phrases that spontaneously pop into my mind, phrases I have read before, in a book some years ago, on an app a moment ago, even in my sleep my mind does this, connecting dots that my conscious mind is too preoccupied to. I grasp their meanings, enlightening sometimes, like catching sand with my hands,  lasting only a moment for my subconscious to capture, but flitting through my fingers as quickly as they arrive. Best thing about it is that its not only in one language.

As the beat increases steadily to a climax, right at this hour, 0200hrs, I feel like running. My body relishes the freedom of movement, the zest of life in the form of the muscles cramping, heart a-thumping and blood rushing through my vessels, the heat emanating from every inch of my body. Sometimes, I run to my limit, till th edges of my vision turn dark and all I hear is my heart beat, just cause. As I run, for every breath I take, every step I make, I remember Him. As I run, my thoughts escape from the gravity of Life and just floats freely, and Thank Him that it goes toward Him, I ponder and I appreciate.

There is no God WORTHY of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger.

I ponder on values worth worshipping and my mind goes into overdrive as I recollect all that I know of Him. It makes me run harder and faster, almost unbelievably. I let go and my legs just follow the intense train of thought that follows and soon enough, thought ends and I just run with Him in mind. It drives my legs at a very fast pace, the muscles hot from exertion but moment takes over and its all good.

gy·ro·scope  

/ˈjīrəˌskōp/

Noun A device, used to provide stability or maintain a fixed orientation, consisting of a wheel or disk mounted so that it can spin rapidly...

Being angry is a choice that an individual makes.

Choice follows logic/thoughts.

But I disagree? Personally, I believe being angry is a habit, a trait of character.

Why? Because people know that they shouldn't get angry, that getting angry is pointless, that it leads to non-positive things and that essentially, its just not cool.

So why then do people still get angry?

I wrote down,
'Behaviour is something that is nurtured and is a result of mimicking/ learning of the outcome of our environment with relation to action.'

Being angry is a result of uncontrolled emotions and lack of patience. Our mind is a beautiful thing, it factors in the consequence of us being angry, be it in our environment; namely people, internally in our mind; our thoughts, and also interestingly, physiologically, how our body feels/react to the outburst of anger. When we get angry and it results in change that favours us, our mind connects the dots and assumes that being angry is a solution to our frustration. When we get angry, our body experiences a rush of hormones and what not and it gives us a satisfying feeling, our brain connects the dots and assumes that being angry is enjoyable.

But in truth, being angry, or rather specifically, a destructive form of anger, is something that is detrimental to our well-being. I say well-being and not health because well-being encompasses everything, from our physical self, to our mental self and our character and our relationships with others. When we get angry, we lose patience, we do not take the time to think of our actions or words, we lash out, and inevitably, it will result in an irreversible consequence. For most cases, it will result in hurt, or more anger, and thus more hurt and such. See the cycle now? Being angry causes a negative impact on our health, our heart races, our breathing quickens and our blood pressure increases. Our heart feels the strain. When we get angry, we think negative things, things which are hurtful to others if said, things we don't really mean.

We get it. Being angry is bad for us.

As Rasulullah  SAW had said, "Do not be angry and furious". Alas, He is the best of us.

I will try my best not to be as angry as before. The point of learning, is change...

I want to heal,

I want to feel,

Like I'm close to something Real.

I want to find something I've wanted all along;

Somewhere I Belong.

_______________________________________________________

Holding onto your words may seem like an easy to accomplish, but how mistaken are we.

Sometimes, in this day and age, our perception of promise has been so diluted from casual jokes and loose agreements that we forget that for EACH word spoken, it is but a promise made by our own self.

What I speak of is Amanah.

Amanah is loosely translated from Arabic to English as 'trust'. Amanah is not a value inculcated in an individual, it is a way of life that encompasses all that we do. Amanah is the promise in our words and actions, it is the 'yes I will' we say when asked to do something, it is the silent purpose that drives us to do something just because we have agreed to, it is the heavy responsibility of upholding the agreement, the belief and the truth.

Today, I bear witness to a superb example of keeping one's Amanah from one superb example of Humanity. It pains me yet it grants me humility and realization, to see such a flawless example, only to be acutely aware of my very own flaws. It grants me a closer connection to The Ideal and inspires me to aspire to be as such.

Bitter medicine is good medicine.

A generic statement.

By the Time, verily Man is in loss.

Except for those who believe and does righteous good deeds.

And invites one another to the Truth and invites one another to the Patience.



Its quite a simple way to live by, just be Good. There is no solid definition for this, but I believe it lies in our core to be that way. Like, there is a small voice that always tell us what is the right way to be, in our actions or words. But that voice seems to be drowned by the sound of thought and the weighing of pros and cons and all the little thoughts that make up our decisions.


Yet it is so difficult?

I am sleepy and the sound of me typing seems a wee bit too loud.

I am hungry and food would require effort to be prepared.

I am tired and my body is wishing for a good long rest.

I am alone and my thoughts are whirling about in my head.

I am contented and Life has been kind in its recent unwinding.

I am conscious and memories play back like an old movie.

I am aware and my mistakes are but lessons in disguise.

I am open and advice is taken freely without any ill-feeling.

I am awake and suddenly it comes to me.

_____________________________________

Sometimes, all it takes its a simple reminder;

a handful of words carelessly or carefully picked, perfect in combination and endless in its portents.

Needless to say, I make plenty of mistakes;

some I am not proud of, understandably, but worst even, those of which I am unaware of.

Thankfully, I have been blessed with openness;

openness to accept words kind and unkind, occurrences fortunate and unfortunate.

_____________________________________

I am happy and thankful to be reminded, but once the dust settles down, I am suddenly all to conscious of my previous actions, suddenly I am brought back to a day or two, a week, sometimes a month, and I am recollecting as to where I have gone wrong, where and how did the fault come about. Have I been doing something wrong all this while? Curiously, the flow of thoughts seem to take a nanosecond and yet, it goes so far. I am fearful and seek repentance, I become painfully aware of my mistakes and it strikes a revealing strike and leaves me vulnerable. I scramble towards a buoy to save myself and I take a moment to recollect myself. Silence comes as a shade and I ponder in silent recollection and reflection. I realize the what, how and why and I sigh, of relief and of solemn acceptance of fault. Who is to be blamed but myself. Deep breaths accompany regret and slowly, peace returns to my heart. I am aware and enlightened, I see within myself a change stemming from realization, acceptance and determination. Instead of looking back, I look forward, to the days, weeks and months hopefully ahead, and I smile. Light has shone upon the shadowed pathway once more and I am relieved. Mistakes occur, undeniably, and I look at them with a bitter-sweet emotion, relived that I am aware of them, yet saddened that I have to make one to realize something within.

_____________________________________

All it takes is a simple reminder.

(as I typed this, my mind has entered a semi-dream state and my senses are heightened to an unusually abnormal level, it scares me, everything seems too loud, too far, too bright and right as this very moment, I am fending off the fear to just shut down my computer. the noise, it drowns the deafening silence that wraps around me , every action I make seem like an effort. this semi-dream state is frightening, my nightmare come to life, a form of heightened reality that I have to sometimes live with. 

Oh Life.)

Logic is a mental derivative function that utilizes empirical evidence such as facts or valid assumptions based on observations and/or factors already known and accounted for.

The whole basis of Logic is that it functions on information either acquired or deduced.

Hence, if there is no such information, logic cannot apply as thought would not occur.

Thus, if it is written that 'that ye know not', logic can no longer follow. And thus, why we Submit.