Sound

Creases on a shirt.
Bumps on a road.
Dust on a glass.

insignificant inevitable imperfections.

Tears in the smile.
Sadness in the eyes.
Cold in the warm.

impossibly innocent indecisiveness.

lub dub... Lub dub...
systole diastole... Systole diastole...

No one can deny the beating of a heart.

Post

Learn the Heart -

The cavities that fill it up,
the Life that causes it to beat,
the blood that it pumps,
the various conditions it has,
the strength behind each beat,
the purity in its flesh,
the mirror it holds to self,
the story it tells.

Learn the Heart, know the Self and embrace your Lord.

.. ... .. . . ... .. .. . .. . .. ... . . .. . . .

What do you seek in this Life? 

Success? Happiness? Companionship? Achievements?

What is there to seek in this Life, there will always be a way, so neatly carved out by generations before us, to peruse in the endless chase of worldly goods. It never ends. How many in history has gotten rich beyond measure? Do they stop there? Do they ever think it enough? Do they realize their wealth and stop to chase something else?

No!

It has been proven, time and time again, how people have gotten rich, famous and powerful, and still, their thirst is unquenched, they lay in bed wondering, how to safe-keep, how to protect, how to expand.

DO WE EVER LEARN? 

Sadly, No.

We are creatures with a gaping hole in our hearts, with a greed insatiable and our eyes, blinded to all except what we have beneath our feet and in our hands. We cannot see the plug at the bottom of the wretched pool we drown ourselves in, poor. We always want what others have, selfish to our circumstance and ignorant to what we already have. Everything looks so glittered, we become enraptured, our attention captured.

Really?

Is this what we seek in life? 

Death.

Facial expressions

I have no qualms in expressing myself in words. In them, I breath life to my unspoken emotion and the blood, sweat and tears from the unchanging smiling face, they speak their stories in wiggles and lines written in space. The facade grows thin and weary and yet, here they stand, hopefully steady. I stand perched high and above, the weight grows heavy and my shoulders strain beneath them. What else can I do but let go and fly towards the sky and be free, as I am made to be.

History and little monuments.

Primary One 1B

I was sitting in the school with my friends when my name was called out by the principal. I am not sure why, till now. Two other boys and myself were brought to an isolated room with the principal and some teachers, and gone caned, or rather the version for primary kids, getting whipped with a ruler.

I was in the second last class. One day, the teacher announced that a new student was joining our class. I was so happy to know that it was the girl I liked in kindergarten, and remember being just happy on that day, her name was Hanisah (That's all that I remembered of her name).

I was in the same class as a friend from kindergarten days by the name of Firdaus, he had slightly fanged teeth and I used to call him 'vampire'. I had a class picture, but I lost it, sadly really.

We shifted to Pasir Ris from Bedok when I was in Primary One. As a result, I had to take the school bus to school everyday, and was accompanied by my little sister and my maid. I remember making prank calls to the police with my sister and giggling, mischievous kids we were. If we weren't doing that, we were in the field nearby, catching tigermoths and pretending it was a jungle to be explored, with the creepy crawlies underneath.

Primary Two 2B

It was my birthday, we were having class and all the students were seated on the floor in a circle around the the teacher. I can't recall for sure what lesson it was, but I can definitely recall who the teacher was. I had a stomach ache and nearly pooped in my pants. Life.

I had my first taste of brotherhood beyond the family when my friends and I decided we'd stick together no matter what. This agreement was done as we were going down the staircase towards the canteen for recess. It was made between a group of Malay boys, and to this day, I still hold them dearly to my heart as sincere friends, namely Farhan Sallehudin, Syahrizan, Hidhir, Farhan Zainal.

It was English class, and my class was being non-cooperative. Something I did must have tipped her off the iceberg and she left the class in tears and didn't return. The whole class just carried on with what they were doing. Little devils, the lot of us.

Primary Three 3E

I have, and always will be, a joker, always making jokes, and making fun. It was the end of the day, we were lined up at the parade square for assembly. I must've said something, or laughed too hard, or made others laugh too hard, I was called out by my form teacher (I still remember his name) and brought aside when everyone had already left for home. He scolded me and called me a clown. I was a mess of tears, you do not call a student a clown and mean it negatively. My brother saved me and brought me home, comforting me along the way. I swore vengeance. - (come to think of it, this must be the pivotal moment in my grades)

It was maths class and the class was learning long division, and it was taught by my form teacher. I didn't pay attention as I already learnt it from beforehand, I was doodling in class. My form teacher called me out and challenged me to teach the class since I didn't seem to be interested in learning. I taught the class.

We were learning about the human skeletal system and the science teacher pointed to the head and asked the class what bone it was, I don't recall being taught the word cranium and I answered 'cranium'. The teacher was surprised. I was surprised.

It was going to be recess and a good friend of mine, Zulfadli, was wrestling with me at the back of the class, near the back door of the class. He did a move he learnt from watching WWE and almost broke my arm, I cried out loud, I hurt like mad. But it was all cool and we were still friends, and we continued wrestling.

It was the end of the year and I got my results. I did exceptionally well, better than the friends I've grown close to. As a result, I was promoted to a better class while the rest got clumped together in classes. I was sad but told myself, 4C will surely have some nice people.

To be continued.

Pathing

In my dream, 

It held portents on the journey we must undertake as individuals.

Slowly, the bonds that bind must be broken,

Surely, the road is long and arduous, testing.

Sadly, we will lose friends, and gain enemies.

Sorrowfully, we must let go and continue on.

astaghfirullah.

A huge snake (I remember it being a copperhead) slithered awake, preventing me from getting nearer.
I must go on, and I wrestled it with my bare hands, and threw it off the ledge. However, my thumb was bitten and it was starting to swell up and turn purple. Poisoned, I had to squeeze the venom out. It was painful and although I was with another, I had to do it by myself. It was purple and oozy, despite the short period it had been in my body, it had hardened and looked as if it had been in my body for a long time. I sighed, relieved and called out to my friend. We were relieved, I was no longer poisoned.

I looked up, "Alhamdulillah." 

and woke up.

Tick Tock

We hear phrases telling us of the palindromic nature of life, of its ups and downs and the many phases in between. It is a fact well-known.

Yet, sometimes, I catch myself thinking of moments passed, thinking of them as if any further thought can alter the predicament I am in. Sometimes.

We make decisions every single day in our life, and often, those decisions are never independent, they affect one another almost directly. Every now and then, a big decision comes and it will carve out a path for you to follow. Its these decisions that we wrestle with in the times to come, wrestling with their alternatives, and the bubbling doubt that arises from non-acceptance.

There is a disturbance in the normally tranquil pool of thoughts that reside in my mind. The ripples are small but they are there, and though slight, it has some repercussions. Thankfully, they remain as thoughts and are dormant, far from action. But isn't it always like that in the beginning. Thoughts lead to action, that is how we work.

I always tell myself to embrace the fact that all that is, is as it is, and all that it is, is good for me.
I always try to look for that silver lining upon the clouds that occasionally block out the Light.
I always think of how to positively look at my current situation, and look beyond my immediate self.

I always do.

Then, there are times when I get frustrated, or disappointed or simply just restless.
I dislike this attitude of mine that clouds my judgement, it mirrors my human desire for more.

Steady as she goes.

Rain

Amidst the blessing of Rizq in the form of rain that You have given to the Earth,
I appeal to you to give me the blessings of Rizq also.
As Your humble servant, I am nothing without You,
You are the granter of Rizq, Rahmat and all things.
Give me what which I require, that which is good for me,
and deny me that which is not good for me.
Verily, I am weak of heart, strengthen my heart to accept,
accept all that You have given, and to accept all that You deny.
Soften my heart so that I will only seek and ask of you for that which is good for me.
Soften my heart so that I will only seek and ask for the Hereafter,
for verily the Hereafter is ever-lasting and the World is temporary.

Rabbana aatina fiddunya hasanah wa fil akhirati hasanah waqina 'adzabannar

O my Lord, grant me that which is good for the World and good for the Hereafter, and protect us from the punishment of Hellfire

Wrong doings

"The likeness of what they spend in this world is the likeness of a wind which is extremely cold; it struck the harvest of a people who did wrong against themselves and destroyed it. 

Allah wronged them not, but they wronged themselves."

Al Imraan (3) - Verse 117

We are a strange creation, we have been bestowed with Knowledge and Intelligence.

Yet, we still do not listen and do not heed to advise and warnings and act upon our desires.

What drives us to do that which is evidently not good for us that we still do, I wonder.

Is it the desire to not be under an authority, to pursue the wants of the Soul and simply not care?

Consequently, we extol the virtues of freedom and independence; the freedom of choice and the independence from dependence.

We act how we wish to, we do what we want and we bow to no one.

We decide what is right and what is wrong, and all that is, is our doing

Our desires, our unlimited desires, what else is there to do? Satisfy it! 

Our laws and our beliefs, we dictate their coming to existence, indeed!

The Soul is fleeting and liquid, easily it is guided, and easily it is corrupted. Our basal nature is inherently that of an animal, but our inherent nature is rise against and above that.

Hungry? Eat

Thirsty? Drink

Lustful? Sex

Desire? Take

Angry? Let out

Sleepy? Sleep

Do as you wish, animal.

With Knowledge and Intelligence granted, we have the capacity to take control of our animalism, our unrelenting desires. Ilmu and Aqal gives us the ability to be higher than animals, to aspire to be more:

To be better a human being.

That which lies in between.

Peekholes

Today, it is seemingly possible to cure a person of blindness. Cornea implants and laser corrections, they seek to repair what is 'broken', thus granting Sight.

How generous of technology.

What about the blindness of the Heart? What apparatus is capable of granting Sight to the blind Heart?

How generous of the All-Seeing One.

Like patients who had just undergone an eye surgery, my vision is still a blur, it pains and it confuses me, but hopefully

Sight been granted.

Solitude

It is in the hours that lie between day and night, when death comes visiting with slumber, when the world seems to be spinning endless in a void that is defined by the rising rays of light by the horizon, and by the fleeting departure of the stars.

That, is the time when death opens the door. The door of profound solitude and severance from the world that we soak ourselves in. The door that leads, strangely enough, to the cavity of the Heart. The space of silence, not quiet - silence.

Step through the door that death stands guard, and let enter the self.

the self that is the secret to itself.

Dive

TAKE A DEEP BREATHE.

LOOK INTO THE DEPTHS.

LOSE YOURSELF IN THE ABYSS.

MAKE THE LEAP AND PLUNGE.

SINK THROUGH THE WORLD.

SEEK ORDER AMIDST THE CHAOS.

SEE THE WORLD FROM THE DARK.

FREEZE THE MOMENT IN TIME.

AND RISE FROM BENEATH, 

DIFFERENT.

Levels

Man has the capacity to attain the stature that is GREATER than that of the angels, yet also the capacity to attain the stature that is LOWER than that of the animals. What differentiates between the two is no magical division borne out of luck and circumstance, it is simply a matter of choice and as ironic as it sounds, desire.

What differentiates us from the angels and the animals is that we were given the gift of Intelligence, for a lack of a better word. Intelligence, or Aqal. What we do with it, this gift of ours, is what defines us.

Would we be like the animal that simply sates his animalistic desires simply out of want, for food, drink and the carnal desires?

Or have we given Intelligence that we may be more aware of a higher need, a calling higher than what nature simply dictates?

It is said, the biggest and most important battle is not fought out there, but rather in here. The action of extinguishing that internal desire is higher in attribute than the war waged on the battlefield.

114:6, protect me from the jinn and mankind.

Shivers

Reading up on some of my previous posts, and I stumbled upon this:

"Hello,

I've been waiting for so long, for you, just waiting oh-so-patiently for your arrival. 
In the dark, and in the light, in the rain, and in the sun. 
From the day you were born, for every breathe you take, I stand so silently, watching you as you age. 
Every tear your cried, every laughter, I have been there for you, your faithful companion. 
Sometimes, you do remember me, through reminders all around. 
The fear in your eyes, why is it there? Are you so attached to this place that you fear my arrival? 
Be reminded my young friend, this is merely a temporary abode. 
I will come for you, swiftly,  painfully or otherwise, you decide.
For no matter what, it is the Inevitable. 

Till we meet my friend, farewell and may we meet embracing, 

peace be upon You"

This was written years back.

______________________________________

Today, I realized why I am in love with knowledge. It is an exquisite feeling to know that in this Universe, there is a Grand Design, and here you are, bearing witness to the ubiquity of :

His design, His rules, His laws, His supremacy and His knowledge.

I was truly ecstatic. It shook me to my core and gave me goosebumps.

MasyAllah.

Rabbi dzidni Ilma war zuqni Fahma.

"O Allah, grant me Knowledge and Understanding"

Travel

Make every journey a journey within. 

If you travel within, you'll travel the whole wide world and beyond

40 Rules of Love

Sometimes, in the complete absence of any presence,

a detachment of the self happens and we are lifted away from here.

In the state of transcendence, our thoughts depart from the world,

and wander around in the spaces

that lie in between.

A surreal sense of clarity and heightened awareness usually follows,

followed by a mellowing and sobering hyper-sensitivity.

There are no smooth trails, every     bump          seemingly                    mountainous,

acute to the vast difference, we fall deeply... 
                                                                  
                                                                  down.

Only in the deepest of darkness, in the recesses of desperation,

can the twilight shine of the brightest Light be seen.

The darkness is shed away when the Light is shed (upon),

patiently we await, for the Light is beyond pursuit, it enlightens at will.

--

For truly the Light is beyond our grasp.

___________________________

Before you know it, your legs have brought you forth, and you re-emerge at your destination.

As always, the world is still spinning and a hundred centimetres still make a metre.

Yet, we feel that we have travelled across the distance and beyond.

Plants.

The mirror upheld,
The teller of truths without voice and mouth.
The cracked realities that hide behind smooth façades.

No lie is greater,
Than the lie we tell ourselves.
Than the one that nags using our very own voice.

Burdens born weighing heavily,
Testing our foundations and our roots,
Our morals, our values, the way we live and lived.

The speech of the words,
The portents of truth that lie within,
Wrapped in humour, carelessly or unspoken.

When the mind speaks,
Its voice booming, logic overflowing.
Thoughts intermingle in a swirl of choices and considerations.

In the solitude we exist,
In places where no one reside, we are true.
In places only we know, we become who we are.

Our feet keeps on trudging,
Moving places, from here to there, then and now.
But little do we know, our Self has already stood still, concrete.

A day, we reconvene,
Like a river meeting the sea,
All shall fall into place, in a place, to a place.

Blank

Nature is almost entirely against the existence of a vacuum.

Whenever a vacuum forms, it will be filled up, almost spontaneously.

A vacuum is hardly limited to the physical world, it is liquid in form.

It will always be filled up, some way or another.

But, what fills it up?

That is the vexing issue of vacuums.

There is so much in the world that there is too much to consider.

Resilience

The waves come lapping at first,
young, weak and misleading.
They show not the tempest that brews,
the ferocity of the waves as they come crashing.

The winds whisper through a breeze,
soothing, gentle and sly.
Their voices only an echo of their howls,
with hurricane strength they devastate.

Do not be fooled by the calm, for often, it bellies the potential for a storm.

Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.

Blind

University has finally began and the doors to knowledge are wider than before.

Studying what is important and studying what is right may not necessarily be the same thing,
so how then can I assure that I find a balance of both?

We pursue knowledge doggedly, thinking that it is an inanimate object that gets nearer the more we try.

Yet, we see that knowledge does not always come to those to seek it, and sometimes, those who do not seek it as tirelessly, seem to receive it so much faster, with lesser effort.

Knowledge, I feel, is like a dance.

It is elusive, and must be teased to participate.
It can be coaxed only with proper intentions and the correct procedures.
It can, be forced, yet not so beautifully.
It can, come with much hesitation even despite.

What I have learnt about knowledge, is that it does not necessarily come to those who seek it, but those who do not seek it all will never find it. Knowledge is a gift that is presented to the ready, the willing, and the good. As such, we must request for it.

Rabbi dzidni Ilma warzuqni Fahma

Oh Allah! Please increase me in Knowledge and grant me Understanding

For I am nothing without what You give me.

Depth

In an environment one can easily overlook and pass as people just catching up, chatting about empty talk, cigarettes in hand, conversations peppered with laughter and pauses, what a deceiving front that was put up.

Sitting there, listening to them speak, using aliases for people who do not like to be named in conversations, replacing significant titles with insignificant but familiar colloquial terms, it is really amazing how it all happens.

Alas as the stories unfold and the light of understanding starts to come to life, I can't help but feel that there is really so so much more to Life and feel  humbled that I am really still a young boy learning to live in the world

To the years of learning I hope to glean, may they come in time, with me ready.

Time

History is a recollection of the past, a retelling of the story of people long gone, their achievements, their faults and the consequence of action during a certain era with a certain circumstance. They carry with them lessons for the future, a guide for humanity to take advice and learn from.

Yet, time and time again, History shows that humanity is either incapable or incorrigible to grasp the lessons of the past.

We keep committing the same mistake.

The path has been shown, a path treaded by many civilizations, successful civilizations, only to be abandoned in the pursuit of the temporal world; the wealth, the pride and the carnal desires. They forget that for every action, there is a reaction. For every excess, every transgression, lest there be remembrance and regret, there will be consequence.

Our world today is now indulgent in the excess of every kind! We transgress boundaries of every kind! We are people who have forgotten.

There is no need to mention any specific religion and the dogmas that are prescribed along with them, it is clear to anyone that the world is plunged in wrongful doings.

The world has forgotten but I pray that I do not.

To the people neck-deep in the corrupting luxuries of this world, to the people reaping the bountiful benefits of wrongful doing, to the people whose eyes are blinded by the dazzle of money, pride, power and sex, what does it matter to them? They are living the dream. A dream indeed.

Whenever comes a Reminder of the truth of the nature of things, these people, their eyes bulge in disbelief, their tempers fan ablaze, their mouths foam with accusations and slander.

"WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU TO TELL US SUCH AND SUCH!? YOU ARE BUT A MAN, A MORTAL!"

"If what you speak is true, show us a sign."

But History tell us that their hearts are hard like stone, blind to the truth of the nature of things and thus, will brush it away.

Alas, we are but a reminder...