"only through serious inquiry, positive question, can one aspire enlightenment,"

It is always best for people to know both sides of the story, just as the man who stated the above had said, to free ourselves of subjectivity, so that we may strictly analyze another which is not of our own ideas, such that in the end, we may stand ever confident with our beliefs or embrace that of another.

Many incidents that have come to pass which concerns the people who are close to me and indirectly me, and I can't help but wonder what makes these people so certain of what they hear or read. Are they that certain that what they know is the whole truth?
I do not believe that they do not consider the reliabity of the 'facts' they hear but rather that they just choose to ignore it just for the sake of their friends.

Nuff said,


... . . .. . ... . . . . ... .. .... .. ..


WHOOOOO! Prelims have officially began with the Social Studies paper last Friday! The burden of facing papers day after day, the stress of getting your facts right, the exhiliration you get after completing one, knowing that as the days go by, soon you may enjoy ( though not for us x) ) is BACK! HAHA omg, i sound like a freak! But hey, they say always face something with lightheartedness, so here i am! No use getting all stressed up like a freak, losing hair and all just for exams, sure it decides our future and probably a few rewards here and there, but obviously by now, it has become a part and parcel of being a student for what, *counts with fingers* close to 10 years? Hahaha, the sad but defining reality of education in Singapore x)

So SS was done pretty easily, but whos to say, Ms Neo said they'll be marking as if its the Os itself! So, not really sure of that. Amaths on Tuesday, so, hopefully that'll be fun. The most saddest thing that could happen to me is that I would not be able to ace the paper, for I myself am sure that i could get A, considering that i could do Dunman High's amaths paper 2 with stunning ease, hopefully not aye? haha

. . ... .. . . .. . ...

I just realized today that my body is really tired and have been trying to tell me, but I've been completely ignoring it. Woke up after a wonderful 13 hours of sleep and looked at myself in the mirror.

Without my spectacles, i look seemingly different, as in i could actually see my eyes, the eyelashes and all, and the very saggy dark circle thats underneath it. Kinda makes me think, Am i really that tired? Well maybe i am, but mentally im not, like who would readily accept that fact when the Prelims just began, yes? So i said no, but my body is. Wonderful how our brains are able to perceive our condition despite bold evidence of it through our physical appearance huh. My cousin who is in NTU right now, went to the docs after feeling weird. Apparently, the doc said that my cousins brain wants to rest, its really tired, it wants to let go, chill a little, but that his eyes want to keep on reading, to keep on studying and not rest, scary yet intrigueing isn't it? COOL SHITS.

alright, its time to bathe, im fat, akugemok. HAHA

hellohellohelloo

ohmygod, my thighs HURT.
yesterday was the school's annual cross country, funfun, got ninth position, for the FIRST TIME, and among some good runners too! WHOAHAHAHA haha x) then had the tree as my sole comforter, thankyou tree. No, seriously, you know trees with branches and all, not a person i call tree or whatsoever x)

and i had my first burger king meal yesterday too.
MANNN burgerking is BURGER KING. like, the breads so soft, the meat so tender, its all goood seh, lol

PRELIMS ARE NEXT WEEK! and i have only touched 3-4 subjects out of 7, so thats bad. mehh

WHOO OLYMPICS! see you people. somewhere over the rainbow.

You guys ever heard of Gog and Magog? Damn, and i thought the world was screwed up with Bush as US president. When these guys finally do come out, its going to be sooo messed up man, like WHOA.

.. .. ... . .. .. ... . .. .. ...

OHMYGOD, our days have been numbered!
upupup for revising, downdowndown for other things
seriously, I have just realized the proximity of the oncoming examinations
its like, "VOOOSH!" and they are back again, this time round, harder and prepared to KILL. But nevermind, this time, I have promised myself that i will prepare myself to prove that Im worthy of getting the bloody As that i deserve, "whoots" to that!
Its time to put my socks to my knees, my right hand on my pen, my left on my calculator, and the books in my brain. Lets just hope i keep to my word eh? See ya around!

... . .. .. .. ... . . . ... . ..

See, that was my brain talking, but as you can see, My brain is just another part of me, and not all of it. Damn, physics sure suck and i'm damn sure i'm not going to put it into my L1R5, unless by a superb miracle, i score an A for it, then yea, you get my point.

I officially strongly dislike the principal and her opinions -slash- methods to regain the success and glow of Temasek that was abolished the moment she stepped onto our school grounds. Like COME ON, NO GRADUATION NIGHT, NO SPORTS DAY, NO BE YOURSELF DAY, damn im starting to think that SHOULD all of the Secondary Four cohort score extremely well for our Os, She'd think that "OHH MY GOD, MY METHODS WORK, I WILL DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY TIME HERE!" Man, if that DOES happen, i sure pity the juniors, they're time in Temasek would be absolutely different as compared to ours, hah, but nevermind that, its theirs, not ours.

The other part of my brain is yelling something like this "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CARING ABOUT THIS MAN?! THE FREAKING O's IS COMING AND YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT CELEBRATING ALREADY? DAMN YOU'RE SCREWED" I somewhat agree with him, but it is undeniably kind of eye-popping news if you hear that despite all your efforts and contributions to the school, you dont get to spend some final and lasting ours in the school to celebrate and rejoice after overcoming a huge phase, wouldn't you?

.. . .. ... .. . .. .. . .. . .. ....

I have come to the conclusion that more and more people nowadays are becoming one sided in terms of basis of accusations, knowledge, information and basically how they see things. See, the thing is, being on ONE side does not equate to being right, because you may never know whether you're right or wrong if you only know one side, yes? So why do people still think it is?! Like, come on, use some brains would you?

Okay, I'm sleepy and hungry, goodbye and stay in school, hohohehehaha

at this stepping stone in life, where life is seen as negatives in th eyes of one, i've decided that it is not me, hence i have chosen to step away, to open my eyes to the truth.



lately, ive realized ive become physically as well as mentally tired, fatigue tugging me from every angle, being the primary obstacle for me to achieve what i wish to do. alas, i now feel what it feels like to be stressed out, yes? haha, i guess so. nerves of steel or strength of an ox, it does not matter, neither gives me assistance in this time of need. what i need, is simply, an iron will. hence i will forge it with time and faith as my hammer and smith.

Look at the stars, look at how they shine for you...



my last right toe pinky is now like an overgrown peanut wearing a pink cap,
dogs with brown patches on their faces should not be in a park.

if what we are thinking about is what we usually dream about, then im lost, my thoughts must be a jumble in a tornado. people, things, situations all flash about randomly in my dreams, with utterly no link at all, or maybe it does, just that i've not found it yet. whatever it is, i have NOT seen the message my mind's trying to put across

self control,
fighting 'yourself'
knowing the right,
denying the wrong.
hand over hand,
chains over mind.

is it that hard?

im a fork.

lol

been thinking about the past week and how fast it went by, man, time does fly huh
like, badabing badaboom, a weeks down, seven days, one hundred and sixty eight hours, ten thousand and eighty minutes has passed! like, whoa. and now, theres only four more weeks to prelims, and around three months to THE exam. kinda scary if you think about it

im sorry i tend to talk about exams so much, but its really the most overwhelming thing that seems to inhabit my mind these past few ... months? hahaha, and it has been ever overwhelming since the day i got back my results for the mid year examinations. HAHA

.
..
...
..
.

okay, ive decided what my aspirations are for the future; get a masters before i reach the age of thirty, and right now, try to gain weight and muscle mass. not a lot, but its kind of a long journey, so its counted, haha.

Been reading about some old people who existed last time, man, it leaves my jaw hanging, my mind flabberghasted, and my face wrapped in awe. my mind flashed a gigantic yellow exclamation as th my logic attempted to make sense of what i read, but i realized that somethings are just, literally, out of this world. No, not alien.

ONE person CAN make a difference in the world. haha
subhallah man. KICAPPP

Keane - Everybody's Changing.

to look, but not to see
to hear, but not to listen
to speak, but not to advise
to be, but not to do
to hold, but not cherish
to keep, but not to remember
to say, but not to fulfill
to have, but not to use
to know, but not to change
to live, but not to appreciate
to let go, but not to forgive
to forgive, but not to forget

sit and observe, acknowledge and comphrehend, live and learn
human nature is unnatural, influenced by th evil of hearts,
undo these bonds, be free of this temporaray abode
close the eyes, see with clearest of minds and purest of hearts
life is just as brief as a wink, to be gone like dew in the morning sun,

"Before you speak, listen.

Before you write, think.

Before you spend, earn.

Before you invest, investigate.

Before you criticize, wait.

Before you pray, forgive.

Before you quit, try.

Before you retire, save.

Before you die, give."

Everybody's changing.

Hi, im trying to write without opening my eyes. so far it has turned out okay...

A promise, a responsibility, i cant find the correct word to correctly term what is the actual meaning of "amanah" in, which roughly means to keep one's words and such..
its a heavy burden to carry, the heaviest it seems, to completely follow your word, the temptation to break it is so strong, but as many have said, the greatest battle is not fought with others, but within us. to fight our own needs and not to overcome it. Holy shity, this effect of closing my eyes while typing is kind of scary, like th nightmares i used to have, where everything seems so damn big and im so distant and the sound of th keyboard as i press it. cant really express it in words, buyt thats my worst ever nightmare, the only kind actualyly, its damn freaky, but i gotta get over it, its just a very realistic dream im having whille im awake. shit.

whoa, i kinda went quite far from what i intended to write, but oh well, haha
its time to let go of what we want and really assess ourselves to know what we need. - oh crap this sensation is so damn scary - (my eyes are still closed :D)

okay im going to stop rgight here, its 2am and this shit is freaking me. 3 2 1 OKAY ITS OPEN. woo the feelings good.

okay goodbye, my heads spinning.

MOO :D

square root of three - go search for it on th net, its a poem x)

i thought of what to write yesterday before i slept but i seem to have forgotten it. hmm, what is it again... well here goes cant recall anything right now, not even my homework, other than maths x)

hai, yesterday, i had a taste of what it felt to have people that youre close to depart for a long and hopefully enlightening journey away. It was a joyous yet somehow tearful occasion for my cousins and I, especially considering that we were the closest gang of cousins any family had seen, haha. APAMMM! Yea, one of us, Babar, had gone to umrah with his family yesterday. Pictures still with my cousin, hopefully he'll send it soon. In case you do not know, my family, as in the BIGGG family, not my family as in my siblings and parents, but the whole one, yea my two cousins, my brother and I, are known as geng APAM, but practically everybody, its like you see one, you see the other two or three, haha! Ill try and find a picture somewhere...

cant find a decent picture of us four right now, some other time ah x)

hugs were plenty then, here and there, tears rolled by, but as my dad said, we men dont show, we cry inside. haha, quite true, considering his closest brother is going too...

the end is always not it seems to be, only death is certain

hello,

today, i found out that my feelings is directly proportional to my body temperature.

wake up call, WAKE UP CALL!

it tore my lids wide open, exposed my eyes to the truth.
I NEED TO STUDY, study hard and really really soon.
IF i were to ever want to achieve my dreams of what, entering th JC of my choice.
just relying on last-minutes and night-befores are just not cutting it anymore
consistency man, consistency. THATS what i need.

i know one things for sure, when i DO study, i get quality results, so far that is x)
studied SS for one day and i got 36. though not as good as SOME people, its quite okay considering th amount of effort i put in. History too! Yea, hopefully Bio's as good, haha :)

hearts in throat, heads banging,
feets gone cold, voices ringing.
its time for us, time for us,
to seize the day, strong and fast.

carpe diem

Wohohoho

damn hungry rite now, like seriously.

TODAY was greatly relaxing, paper ended at 0930, played ball and drew a car with great satisfaction, ill show u the progress

LAST NITE. it appeared like THIS.



just a sketch, oh yea, th cars Audi R8

TODAY, after 10 minutes or so of shading, it looked like this.



THEN FINALLY, after 45 minutes, it came to life and looked like THIS, see, my english is quite limited x)



it was practically what i did th whole day man, other than playing Dota and going to tuition x)

i realized that i would only finish something right to the last detail only when in my head i know that it is to be of a certain degree of hmm, nice-ness? x) yea, so i did this for my cousin's poly assignment, cos he can't draw well xD

APAM GAY! thats this name, without the gay lol

and the real thing looks like this.



nice ride huh? :D

till other times then, moo.haha.haha

a Third of the race run
the mid year examinations are coming to an end very soon, with just 3 papers to go.
Through the turmoil and stress we endured during this vital period of the year, we may learn from our mistakes or remain ignorant of the challenges that stand anew, awaiting us. Weaknesses and strengths of each and every individual are revealed as time pass by us in a blink. The time has arrived for us to make a decision, to be or not to be, to go through all the hardships that WILL come and with an end in mind, or to procrastinate and let life lead us. Though it may seem as a big burden, an overwhelming responsibilty, bit by bit it can be achieved. good things come to those who work for it.

----

It is a scientific fact that Ahmed Khalil Khan's brain is not very efficient in absorbing scientific, mathematical or linguistic facts when his primary organ for digestion, the stomach is lacking in edible biological substances called food. Thank God that his brain has a very high efficiency rate to begin with :D

----

HI, YOU'RE GAY, I'M GAY, WE'RE GAY.

hihihi

urgh, my stomach yearns for food
hadnt had anything to eat since what, 3? damn, how am i supposed to gain weight like this -.-

TODAY SUCKS. justtt because physics paper 2 was difficult. damn it sucks. hope i pass
ON A LIGHTER NOTE, today is the day my bestfriend, SITI KHAIRUNNISA BTE ZULKIFLE, emerged out of her first home since she came to exist nine months before x)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAY :D hope you like th slippers i bought, which looks kinda gay, but alright for a girl x)

I don't feel like studying right now, so i shan't.

--------------------------------

some people can be really a pain in th ass man. enough said

--------------------------------

Bah! i crave for chocolate frappucino from STARBUCKS. mmm

Very nice, how much? :D
WALAO EH TIO RAPE

i see a frog on my screen.

OKAY, been busy, forgive my absence persons/people.
i really have! honest! all the tests and remedials, the tuitions and soccer x)
they eat away your time without you realizing it, and soon, you'll be left with nothing

i shall now bore you with a slice of my life today.
just came back from SIA club with fadhil and hakeem, DAMN THAT PLACE ROCKS.
SOMEONE CHOSE NOT TO COME AH, wonder why, gay bastard lol
that place is cool mannnnnnnnnn. its in Changi and its like above most of the buildings ah. and when you're swimming, theres a bloody nice view infront of you man! DAMN NICE! AND THE SUN SETS THERE! and th gym is on the second level, and its much nicer there, with all the breeze and view. on a fine day with a clear sky, its breathtaking. badabing badaboom and we're playing pool like crazy idiots making silly mistakes like being SOOO confident on hitting the ball, and only barely manage to hit it x) yeayea, i know its like "huh? wats so funny?" but you should have seen hakeem's face or fadhil's, DAMN FUNNY MAN!

yea, its a cool place. go there sometime, ask fadhil

ive been reading some weird books that tell me out-of-this-world stuff that makes me twitch. o.O

soo... apparently, my bro just arrived back home from a five-day trip with my day for a journey of enlightenment, hamid knows a speck about what i'm going to talk about and he would probably close his eyes and go "la la laa..." haha

i got home from SLC, which was damn fun btw, and was greeted with not a hello, not a greeting, but rather, with "KICAPPPP!!" hahaha, well, if i translate that to english, it would mean probably sound something like " I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU AND ITS DAMN AMAZING/BAD!" haha, yea, pretty much x)

well, truthfully, it had been a rather boring five days without my bro and dad, they're like the only two other males in this household, meaning that while there were gone, i was the only one, heh. but really, during that period of time, i miss the constant squabbles i have with my brother, and the aura of superiority and moral uprightness that always radiates from my dad's presence, haha. feels good to have them back (:

so now, im waiting for my bro to get off to phone with his special someone, insert loud and purposeful HAHA, so that he can do some storytelling. every time my brother goes to that certain place, theres always something new to learn, something that would make you just go "HUH!?" and sometimes things that make you humble. haha, theres a word for this kind of matters, but i shan't say it. it makes things a bit too obvious haha.

and so far, he just told me a bit, and i went "HOLY SHITT" you know, seriously, damnn... its just pure amazing how much knowledge is NEGLECTED. the unquenchable thirst for knowledge no longer exists, though to a certain extent i may say. but really, look around, do you see people really wanting to learn something new, something that just makes your brain buzz with excitemet, JUST because its something you have NOT learnt before? haha, i dont.

did DISC thing just now, and i realized something, i'm almost in all. im direct, as in i make comments that hurt to people, frank and to their face. i'm jubilant and ever outgoing, allowing almost nothing to dishearten my spirit. i'm nice to people, without being a suckup or with intentions, but just because i like to see people smile, and lastly, this is true to me, i think a HELL lot, not about me, or my friends, but basically everything that is. haha, well, thats D I S C for you x)

all i have to say is,
tsrsuillybitgonnosriaenc

thhcraeeebmeohnttyhbsehzaeseprabsaseeedkli
dtasmanfogunritpipiimlesis
hhe










this year is soooo gonna go by super damn freaking fast
i dont know what to blog about, thought of stupid ways to encrypt words lol
hence, how this began. its just like playing with numbers, just substituting them with alphabets.

damn, nature has its ways to really survive. it is a LAW of nature that the male always goes first, and that males are somehow easily manipulated by the opposite sex due to some urges. really! lol

i believe that i am a jumble of contradictions living harmoniously in one entity. objibbbb

nownow, 7 things that you guys do not know about me, i dont care who does this, its fun x)

-

ONE1- In primary one, i tore off the wings of a butterfly and ate them. HAHA! i was primary one!

2II- I used to be afraid of the wind, it whispers to me. haha

3THRE3- Theres something LIKE a birthmark on the whole top of my chest which looks like africa. HAH!

4OUR- My drawings always have two ways to look at them, two meanings.

FiVe- I have a godfamily somewhere in Malaysia.

SIX6- Death is always lingering in my mind and I think about it constantly. haha

SE7EN- I know of somethings that are not supposed to be known. HAHA! how vague x)

godamn server wont let me, bloody shit
been playing diablo II : lord of destruction, maybe, me n my bro got hit with a serious case of nostalgia when i did. damn, we played this game since like 5 years ago! those were th good times... now its effed up, haha


well. cobwebs hanging from all over th place and calvin's probably a man while hobbes an extinct species of tigers which died of hunger. lol

as you can see, theres no apparent motive for me to write, so i shall just write whatever that comes to mind. which is chocolate
woohoo, i got a choc brownie from fay! well, actually 32 other people got too, but woo! :D haha
yea, about tht, when i got it at first, my first thoughts were to consume it immediately for th recess, then i looked at it again, thought to myself "it looks too nice, maybe at home ah" and when i got home, i thought th same, until today, 2 days LATER. haha its still fresh, i kept it in th fridge :D
heated it in th oven for a few seconds and th smell wafted out like a charm.

IT WAS THE MOST NICEST DELICIOUS-EST BROWNIE I EVER HAD SIA!!
thts good considering i have eaten a LOT of good brownies haha, its like those melt in your mouth kinda chocolate, but the taste not so overwhelming or heaty, and it doesnt crumble but rather quite soft, but not too soft, you know. haha, i stil have abit left. WHOO :D

other than that, i guess V day was actually pleasing to the eyes, seeing people all happy and smiling, haha, i like to see tht, more often. here we are, smiling away, giving away gifts, with friends and family nearby, yet just a few hundred kilometres, a war is raging, a mistake, not a, but rather a few. relatives die, brothers and sisters lost, their strand of life cut, homes lost, people stricken with grief and sorrow. man, we should be really grateful of what we have here, in singapore, though sometimes it may seem that life is agaisnt us, we should really think back, is it? hah, people say, "wth, life is soo unfair!" i would really love to question that opinion, too many times have we taken so many things for granted, yea, its messed up nowadays.

haha, i shall stop that train of thought or ill end up talking too much and give th impression im preaching. SHOO, haha, but it feels good to know that you know some stuff, makes you more, cautious? haha...

yesterday was my aunts b'day, FOOH kecoh betul! we had like indoor barbeque thingys happening, and around 20 people in a single CONDOMINIUM apartment, and mind you, tht is SMALL haha. she just turned 45 and is th youngest among all my uncles and aunts, so they all made fun of her, its comical x)then my cuz and his bestfriend since sec 2, both of em in NTU and NUS respectively, said no matter how hard you study, how often you make notes, its all about whether you listen or not, making sure it goes in one ear and stays inside. man, its cool how just doing so and a bit of studying had brought them so far. like NTU and NUS seh, both smoke, play DOTA like siao, boncet, act like gays with each other infront of me my bro and 2 other close cousins, and talk cock, and still manage to have girlfriends, WOW seh x)

im bad at endings, so this shall just end here x)

he-he-HELLOO

holy crap theres school tomorrow!
time flies so fast.

and tomorrow is just th beginning to th real school week, with remedials and tuition etc. etc. all starting, of th countless weeks we have till the Os.
haish.

its been a dead week, oh wait no, on friday after ncc, jo, ilyas, ahmed, ali, suf and me went to play street aftr so long, for three hours or so.
damn we suck! xD seriously, its been ages since we played on smooth concrete...
and we lost EVERY game that we played, haha! but it was good fun...
then we decided to go to th gym after that, but jo didnt follow cos he had tuition
holy shit man, damn tiring sia. till today my arm still cram cos ali made me do lots of weights xD

its amazing i could still run 2.4km after ncc and 3 hours of street xD
yea, other than that, nothing much, just now went to do maths with siti, then just read a book ahmed lent me. damn good, read it, THE NEVER ENDING STORY by michael ende. i think atreyu's a cool name, dont u think?

there some matters that require my attention now, till then, CYA.
*i dont really know who the 'ya' refers to x)*

hello world.
BADABOOM!
its eating itself.


hallooo, my god, its been like a gazillion years since ive last updated this window, haha! well, nvm, it seems i have some free time today and i dont feel like sleeping, so i shall update just for the fun of it (:

hmm lets see, its been busy, school and all
and currently, theres CCA orientation going on, so can only go back when its over, which is like SIX siaaa. damn tiring, frm 2-6 for three days in a row. damnnn
sleep is such a luxury nowadays.
thank god for WEEKENDS. phew


holy crap sia. O lvls are this year, heh. its okay, ONE long and tall hurdle, and it would be easier if i accomplish it. suffer now and enjoy later huh? (:

so, i shall end it with a note in mind, its th journey that matters, not the destination. peace to all, and may you find peace.

HAHAHAHA

november 14th came and passed, rather quickly, hoho
like finally, im fifteen! pfft, wat a big deal xD
damn, turned fifteen, still looks like some sec one kid, bah.
its okay, time will tell whether i'll look as i do today, later. haha
kinda cool, got a new wallet from my mum, which is MUCH needed cos my wallet's gonna tear apart anytime now... it cant even hold coins -.-
yea, and a game too! from my cousin, given to her by her boyfriend xD
but its cool, cos its quite expensive... and got a surprise when i saw her, she got slimmer XD
nothing much happened then...

then next day went to make IC, damn i look like a child xD
according to SOMEBODY, its paedophilia, cos i look young.
weirdly, my eyes are very different in the picture, very.
even my brother was shocked, they seem to belong to a much deeper person.
no, im not flattering myself, they do! hmm...

whoossssshhh, gna go my aunts nikah soon, its gonna be UBER COOL man,
my g.aunt's rich, so we're gna have a ball of a time there! and theres a cruise! :D

im kinda sad, cos somebodys gonna go off to new zealand on th 17th, for TEN DAYS! :/
im gonna miss her seh :(