'Is it a mistake if you don't regret it?'
My eyes are warm, its a sign that they are tired.
My body aches, its a sign that its are tired.
My head hurts, its a sign that its tired.
visible. What about the invisible?
we often find ourselves in situations where we are unable to voice our opinions, emotions and retorts. we hold them back, keep them in, often with the comfort that its not worth it. Sure, you can do that, but eventually, surely, one day, you will feel like letting it all go, just one unfortunate crack and its all out, gushing out with all the fury of pent up emotions. release. we feel bad, but we feel good. deep down, we know that until that has happened, there will always be something within us that swirls and makes a nest in our mind, occupying our thoughts and our heart. sometimes, what we really need is just release. however, the reluctance, the condition that allows for this is one that we rarely come by. as humans do, we seek comfort in others, they become our avenues of release, our emotional jars where the hurt, pain, anger, shame, fear and hope simply go to. where do they come from, these pillars of support?
Thank you.
In life, we meet many people, some, like the trees that we pass by day to day, providing shade when we are there, and are just, passing by. then, there are those that are like the comfortable feel of something familiar. they are the treasure of human relations, the people (not necessarily person) that is there for you, there to hear you out, there to tell you off, there to need you, there to be merry, there to be sad, the people that are always there. it takes time, time strains all things, and as it goes, when something recovers from strain, it becomes stronger. a simple but reliable test, time.
Death.
I see you in every waking hour, the sun that lightens the world, the evening wind that chills my spine. you are a bittersweet companion that accompanies me in all my journey. I have yet to know you as well, and as such, i am still reluctant to embrace you. For now, we shall remain as acquaintances and you shall be there to remind me of that which i must always remember.
Myself.
we hear so many voices in our life, telling us to do this and that,
sometimes, we must silent them and listen closely to only one,
the voice of our heart always ring true but is often ignored.
know yourself, know your heart, and it will always speak to you.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I dream big.
The bigger they are, the higher the risks, the harder the obstacles, the longer it takes.
But it all boils down to the niat, the intention behind it.
If its good, the Universe will ensure that you will be tested before it can be achieved.
Why? Because only if you persevere and fight for your dreams do you deserve it.
The secret to achieving success is simple, effort and doa, prayers.
With that, I pray to You, God, give me that which I desire,
and should you not, give me the strength to accept that which you have decided for me,
I relent, for indeed, you are the All-Knowing, All-Understanding.
The bigger they are, the higher the risks, the harder the obstacles, the longer it takes.
But it all boils down to the niat, the intention behind it.
If its good, the Universe will ensure that you will be tested before it can be achieved.
Why? Because only if you persevere and fight for your dreams do you deserve it.
The secret to achieving success is simple, effort and doa, prayers.
With that, I pray to You, God, give me that which I desire,
and should you not, give me the strength to accept that which you have decided for me,
I relent, for indeed, you are the All-Knowing, All-Understanding.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
the slow rise of the edges of your mouth,
the world coming to a stop and time slows down,
the quiet silence that envelopes.
the quivering stillness of shut lips,
the world reverberating the echo in your thoughts,
the bitter quiet that haunts.
a smile adorns the face of the pained,
a silent breath follows that smile after,
a slow blink with glitters and shadow,
a shadow seen in the presence of light.
In the purest form of sincerity, that which is given, is given freely, with no demand or request for payment or reward. That, is sincerity. No reason is needed, reason implies thought, and thought is a request of the mind to justify the actions of the heart, and that, diminishes sincerity. We pay no heed and smile in the dark, in our heart. No announcement, exclamation or boast. A simple contentment, and that is all. Simple? I think not.
the world coming to a stop and time slows down,
the quiet silence that envelopes.
the quivering stillness of shut lips,
the world reverberating the echo in your thoughts,
the bitter quiet that haunts.
a smile adorns the face of the pained,
a silent breath follows that smile after,
a slow blink with glitters and shadow,
a shadow seen in the presence of light.
In the purest form of sincerity, that which is given, is given freely, with no demand or request for payment or reward. That, is sincerity. No reason is needed, reason implies thought, and thought is a request of the mind to justify the actions of the heart, and that, diminishes sincerity. We pay no heed and smile in the dark, in our heart. No announcement, exclamation or boast. A simple contentment, and that is all. Simple? I think not.
Monday, March 19, 2012
we close our eyes and drift to sleep, our mind, it wanders to thoughts left behind.
what we dream, we feel and we see, emotions, sensations, and chemical reactions.
we don't choose what we dream, guided by unseen forces, told by unheard voices.
what is it that we dream of, seemingly random, but we know deep down it isn't.
we see objects, places, people. and it all seems so real, this indoor cinema we are.
I am a dreamer. my mind is hardly ever silent, ever active, especially at night.
they say our mind is most active when we are asleep, i don't doubt that.
They come and go, sometimes one, sometimes many, just waltzing through my mind.
pieces of my reality here and there, with a pinch of desire here and there.
I need to dream, it calms the swirl of thoughts that reside, and lets the heart take over.
maybe that's why when you try to understand your dreams with thought, it doesn't work.
Yet you know inside, inside, something clicked and there it is, understanding.
I aspire to be a Man of Science, of hypothesis, theories and Logic.
I aspire to be a Man of Religion, of faith, submission and God.
I realize this dichotomy can only be fully realized if I hurl myself fully into both.
A wise man once told me, scientists today are on the right track, they just tend to stop midway.
I hope to God that I will one day be a scientist, and a good one at that.
For my hope in today's world is slowly dwindling away and it must be renewed.
And I know, somehow deep down, I will be, and hopefully, "All iz well."
I live in the present and enjoy the present, I don't think,
Its a fault of mine, its what I do.
It makes me smile, I hope it does you too.
what we dream, we feel and we see, emotions, sensations, and chemical reactions.
we don't choose what we dream, guided by unseen forces, told by unheard voices.
what is it that we dream of, seemingly random, but we know deep down it isn't.
we see objects, places, people. and it all seems so real, this indoor cinema we are.
I am a dreamer. my mind is hardly ever silent, ever active, especially at night.
they say our mind is most active when we are asleep, i don't doubt that.
They come and go, sometimes one, sometimes many, just waltzing through my mind.
pieces of my reality here and there, with a pinch of desire here and there.
I need to dream, it calms the swirl of thoughts that reside, and lets the heart take over.
maybe that's why when you try to understand your dreams with thought, it doesn't work.
Yet you know inside, inside, something clicked and there it is, understanding.
I aspire to be a Man of Science, of hypothesis, theories and Logic.
I aspire to be a Man of Religion, of faith, submission and God.
I realize this dichotomy can only be fully realized if I hurl myself fully into both.
A wise man once told me, scientists today are on the right track, they just tend to stop midway.
I hope to God that I will one day be a scientist, and a good one at that.
For my hope in today's world is slowly dwindling away and it must be renewed.
And I know, somehow deep down, I will be, and hopefully, "All iz well."
I live in the present and enjoy the present, I don't think,
Its a fault of mine, its what I do.
It makes me smile, I hope it does you too.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Equilibrium, is it so hard to achieve?
sometimes, we want more of something, but that doesn't mean that its wrong does it?
wanting more is fine. what matters is how much more. this is where there arises some concerns.
you see, greed, this scumbag part of humans to always want more, the temptation, to desire for more than necessary, to never be contented with what we have, is a real shit when it comes to ruining the human spirit.
it drives us, motivates us, but almost inevitably, we will surpass the line which says 'stop here' and shit goes down, in a spiral. I don't get it. its a disease right there, this attachment we have with worldly possessions. it distorts our sense of appreciation and other crap. everytime i think of how the world functions on greed, how the guy with the thicker wallet tends to get what he wants, it sickens me. it repels me. shit i don't want more money, but sadly, its a world where money truly is the oil that hinges the gears of society, and even nations. fuck that shit.
no. what we need is equilibrium.
sometimes, we want more of something, but that doesn't mean that its wrong does it?
wanting more is fine. what matters is how much more. this is where there arises some concerns.
you see, greed, this scumbag part of humans to always want more, the temptation, to desire for more than necessary, to never be contented with what we have, is a real shit when it comes to ruining the human spirit.
it drives us, motivates us, but almost inevitably, we will surpass the line which says 'stop here' and shit goes down, in a spiral. I don't get it. its a disease right there, this attachment we have with worldly possessions. it distorts our sense of appreciation and other crap. everytime i think of how the world functions on greed, how the guy with the thicker wallet tends to get what he wants, it sickens me. it repels me. shit i don't want more money, but sadly, its a world where money truly is the oil that hinges the gears of society, and even nations. fuck that shit.
no. what we need is equilibrium.
Thursday, February 09, 2012
I believe I am a strange young man. Sometimes, I feel young, thoughtless and reckless, out to have fun. Others, I feel old, almost ancient, clear headed and not at all bogged down by this miniature Life. However, there are those times where I am suddenly in a swirl, neither old nor young, phasing in and out, somewhere in between. I am pretty sure if anyone can read my mind, they would be rather... confused. The reason may be because I have stopped, a while ago, to think. A natural process, but no, this does not mean that I do not think, I merely don't allow this shallow and limited logical process to reign supreme over me. Instead, I listen to the whispering Heart. My father once questioned, one of concern, What do we do if there is a conflict between the two? The answer was simple. There will always be a conflict, but no matter what, always listen to the latter. Simple, yet deceivingly difficult. At times, I feel that I am a lie. A contradiction. But that is the very nature of this path, it sends shivers of fear down my spine, yet gives me the simplest and most sincere of happiness. Possibly the hardest thing that is tied to the simplest of things is to face yourself, to know every facet of your being, your character, your beliefs and your thoughts. This seems to be the hardest thing to do in this era. Now, people want to be someone else, live another life. In this age of wanton desire and greed, we lose ourselves. That is where we all go wrong. Every day I am learning about myself. My thoughts feed this journey to disobey them, a paradox. In the end, we all submit to the grander scheme of things, for what do we know, we know nothing. That is where my thought ends, when it realizes its non-existence.
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The lights go dark and I'm left all alone,
here in the dark, my thoughts they roam.
Memories, emotions, they seem to be one,
as I mingle in between and among them.
No thought comes to mind, yet,
the mind goes to all that's thought.
We see ourselves, deaf and blind,
no, not through the sights and sounds.
We see ourselves, naked and bare,
for one can never lie to The One out there.
A shiver runs down my spine and everything stops,
alas, it is time for me to dream.
Friday, January 20, 2012
This concern they have for me, I wonder why. I guess its natural for them to 'watch out' for me, but they are blissfully unaware of what goes on in there, in the mind and in the heart. With heart in throat, I assess their choices, their reasoning, the outcome. I guess its natural for them to think as such, their thoughts in the same general direction. I am not invincible, for all that I do, I am merely human, and humans feel. I deny my emotions, yes, I deny my heart. They say to take care of my own, but I deny it. It cannot be. I have trained, yes, consciously trained, with time and effort, to still the emotional swirl that exists in the heart. No, that is wrong, indeed. I have trained rather to not let the emotional swirl to affect me. To rise above this human nature. It is unnatural, but I go down this path for my own sake. Heck, the ones that I show are the ones that most easily understood, happiness and anger. Why? Because I see no point in the rest, think and it will be clear to you as it became clear to me. But it seems that I've grown complacent, maybe. Their words, they slither and plant themselves in my mind, be it firmly or loosely, it doesn't matter. I grow weary of thinking, for years, I have thought so much, thinking it is the wise thing to do, but alas, I have learnt, to think, that will only work so much. Sometimes, we must let it play out, things will happen as they do, if they don't, there is only one to blame. Relent and accept. Listen to the heart, ignore the ever on-going conflict between the heart and the mind. Simple, but oh so difficult. People think too much. I try not to, but inevitably, people think for me and here I am, in this predicament that I have sought to evade. Why oh why. Heart in throat, I consider and weigh out. Even then, I listen to the most subtle of messages of my heart. Why? Because that is the correct way.
I seek from You as others do,
for clarity of thought,
of the mind
and of the heart.
For I am lost without You.
Monday, January 16, 2012
They say, in time, all shall be revealed.
Thinking is and will always take too much effort.
Sometimes, what we seek, what we want, what we have, is not what we need.
So what then gives us what we need, and how?
A better question yet, how do we know what we need?
With so many things presented to us, sometimes, thinking merely hinders the process.
One moment, one insight, is all we need.
We can only supplicate and hope we know.
With enough conviction and faith, it will come to us, one way or another.
... .. . . .. . .. . .. . .. .. .. ... . . .. . . . . .. .. . .. ... .. ... .. . . . . .. ... . . . ... . . . .. . .. .. .
I hear my heart pounding in my chest,
blood rushing through my veins,
skin sheening with beads of perspiration.
My head hurts,
My heart hurts,
but it is all okay.
Cos for a moment, one moment,
in a day of 24 hours, 86 400s,
I stop thinking, and all is fine.
All that I feel is me,
aware of my existence,
the world stops, I am alive.
I feel small, oh so small.
All that I am, a mere gift.
My breath, my life.
My mind is at peace,
my heart is at peace,
and all is fine.
___________________________
Thinking is and will always take too much effort.
Sometimes, what we seek, what we want, what we have, is not what we need.
So what then gives us what we need, and how?
A better question yet, how do we know what we need?
With so many things presented to us, sometimes, thinking merely hinders the process.
One moment, one insight, is all we need.
We can only supplicate and hope we know.
With enough conviction and faith, it will come to us, one way or another.
... .. . . .. . .. . .. . .. .. .. ... . . .. . . . . .. .. . .. ... .. ... .. . . . . .. ... . . . ... . . . .. . .. .. .
I hear my heart pounding in my chest,
blood rushing through my veins,
skin sheening with beads of perspiration.
My head hurts,
My heart hurts,
but it is all okay.
Cos for a moment, one moment,
in a day of 24 hours, 86 400s,
I stop thinking, and all is fine.
All that I feel is me,
aware of my existence,
the world stops, I am alive.
I feel small, oh so small.
All that I am, a mere gift.
My breath, my life.
My mind is at peace,
my heart is at peace,
and all is fine.
___________________________
Sunday, November 06, 2011
It seems like an eternity since I last wrote down my thoughts here, ho dayum.
There is no point in trying to fill up the gaps in time for it has been too long and this would be a terribly wordy and lengthy post! Instead, I shall, as I always have, write whatever that pops into my head.
It seems that as the days go by, be it those with many things to do or those where I just laze around, I am slowly and definitely changing. To what, I am not exactly sure, but how, I think I have a better clue. As to whether it is good or bad, that.. is entirely subjective. In my opinion, it seems like the change that I've always known will come. As the way things are in the world, there are pros and cons. The cons have surfaced and they are evidently cons, the emotions they stir in others, the actions that entails, the talk, the silence, and most importantly, the lack of such within me. With that, I have stated what I deem to be a pro that comes with this not-very-slight paradigm shift that I have adopted. Essentially, that is the change.
To say that I have lots to say, is a lie. But I do have plenty of thoughts. Very plenty.
There is no point in trying to fill up the gaps in time for it has been too long and this would be a terribly wordy and lengthy post! Instead, I shall, as I always have, write whatever that pops into my head.
It seems that as the days go by, be it those with many things to do or those where I just laze around, I am slowly and definitely changing. To what, I am not exactly sure, but how, I think I have a better clue. As to whether it is good or bad, that.. is entirely subjective. In my opinion, it seems like the change that I've always known will come. As the way things are in the world, there are pros and cons. The cons have surfaced and they are evidently cons, the emotions they stir in others, the actions that entails, the talk, the silence, and most importantly, the lack of such within me. With that, I have stated what I deem to be a pro that comes with this not-very-slight paradigm shift that I have adopted. Essentially, that is the change.
To say that I have lots to say, is a lie. But I do have plenty of thoughts. Very plenty.
Friday, July 01, 2011
For someone who has schooled his facial expression to not show much emotion, I seem to have lost this ability, and frankly, I'm quite disappointed in myself for that. I rarely show other emotions apart from happiness, but it seems that nowadays, there are others like disappointment, sadness, anger and jealousy, or whatever. I deem them unnecessary, as if they're excess baggage, not to me, but to others. I don't fully understand why but yeah, I just think like that. Now, whenever I feel other emotions apart from happiness, it seems as if it would just appear on my face and people would worry or start wondering why. I'm not that a retard to keep all of them to myself, there are a select few of which I pour out my emotions to, but it seems now that even a passer-by may see it. This frustrates me. Its not that I mean to portray a stoic appearance or anything of that sort, I just don't like to. By nature, I don't like to burden people, so maybe that has a part to play in this peculiar mindset of mine. Furthermore, myself being a person that expresses myself more comfortably in words, I realize that sometimes, there is a dilemma of sorts in truly expressing myself, a clash between whether I want whoever I'm speaking to to get what I think or feel, or to just keep it to myself and not bother the person. The core of this dilemma lies in the fact that I want this person to get me, without making it too obvious. Its true, I'm a difficult person sometimes, I layer my words with words and eventually, it all gets lost, but yeah, that is me. Looking at this whole thing now, I realize that it is a minute issue, but oh well, I have to say something, no matter how insignificant it is or nonsensical. Goodnight.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
15 weeks, that's 105 days. I had to use a calculator to find that out, that can only mean one thing, its a large number. HUNDRED AND FIVE DAYS. That's how long I've been with my mates, NS 01, from day one to POP. Indeed it has been a roller coaster ride for all of me, for all of us, with all the squabbles we had, all the laughter we shared, all the grueling hours of training we endured together... Strong bonds were forged with these 33 people, especially so for the nine who stayed in the same bunk as me. Damn, its getting emotional over here. For all the times of us complaining for time to go by faster, when I look back now, I wish it could be slowed down more. Upon our passing out, I doubt I could meet up with all of them, I think i'll be lucky if I even manage to meet up with those I'm close to! Although last Friday was a joyous occasion for all of us, deep inside me, behind all the smiles and laughter, a small part of me was tearing slightly. Really. Although we have only known each other for a relatively short time, I am proud to say that some of these people are really some of the best people I've met, a real embodiment of the term friend. I can't really describe how I feel when I think of them, the friendship we have, maybe because my literary skills have taken a beating from such a long hiatus, but I can assure you that it is sincere and true. Damn, I will miss them crazy people. I'm a sucker for goodbyes.
Monday, May 09, 2011
To be so near, yet so far.
Present, but not available.
To yearn for presence, only to be saddened by absence.
Succumbing to circumstantial conditions that just, inhibits.
This sinking feeling of sadness, so long have I not felt your chilling touch.
Th gagging in the throat, a rise in temperature, eyes feeling teary and hot.
A long blink, and vision is blurred by minute tears.
Th agonizing sensation that overwhelms the heart.
Th slow deep breaths that ensue, with much deliberation.
A tremble from deep within, ending with shivers all along.
Oh how I miss you so.
Present, but not available.
To yearn for presence, only to be saddened by absence.
Succumbing to circumstantial conditions that just, inhibits.
This sinking feeling of sadness, so long have I not felt your chilling touch.
Th gagging in the throat, a rise in temperature, eyes feeling teary and hot.
A long blink, and vision is blurred by minute tears.
Th agonizing sensation that overwhelms the heart.
Th slow deep breaths that ensue, with much deliberation.
A tremble from deep within, ending with shivers all along.
Oh how I miss you so.
Friday, April 15, 2011
In camp, we have this monthly talk for Muslims by this dude. A simple guy, who used to be in police too, just like us, middle-aged and slightly round. However, what is most unique and worthy of mention regarding this guy is that he chose to pursue a life of religious pursuits, both in academics and lifestyle, a rare sight in todays society of materialism and whatnot. His purpose is to simply guide us back to th path, should we have strayed from it, or to strengthen th faith of others. He tells us of stories and experiences he had, simple ones, heavily founded on morals yet strongly linked to Islam. One can always say that good morals and such are attributes of most religions, yet he is somehow able to discern and distinguish between Islam and other religions, through his in-depth knowledge as well as memorization of particular verses from the Al-Quran that just seems to fit each and every topic touched or question raised by any of us. I've heard many people preach about Islam, yet he is subtly but profoundly different from the rest of them. His words, which may be spoken out of humour even, are able to strike a cord in me. When others are laughing or dozing off, I am found listening very closely to them. Like a masterful artist, he is able to blend humour and lessons into a single form where it is both appealing yet holds a much greater meaning to it. Be it that he is a simple or great man, what matters is that he is beautiful in the inside, and i am truly grateful to God for allowing my life to be touched by this man. Just needed to express my gratitude. Alas, all is takes is a single drop to cause ripples throughout a whole pond.
Friday, March 25, 2011
my personal statement, I don't know how to feel about it. its supposed to highlight my academic interest and intellectual capacity. OH WELL.
In the 2nd year of Junior College, I was involved heavily in many sports competitions, 2 at national levels, the National Schools Sports Climbing Competition (NSSCC) in 2010 and the National A Divisions Cross Country as well as 4 others that are recognized locally and internationally. As such, much of my time after curriculum hours as well as weekends are spent at school trainings and personal training. Albeit, the sacrifice I made was worth it as I managed to emerge as champion for one of the 4 competitions, namely Pumpfest 2010 as well as the silver award for speed team and Overall Best School in NSSCC 2010.
I have always been and always will be, a devoted sportsmen, yet I am also one that prides myself in my academics. Throughout the year, I was stretched for time while balancing academics and sports. However, being in my final year where opportunities for competing were dwindling, I made a risky decision to prioritize competitions for the first half of the year and believe in my intellectual capacity as well as passion for academics to drive me for the extremely vital second half where exams and much stress would come upon me. I am passionate for Biology and despite that decision, I made it a resolution to ensure that my Biology grades remain at least a B and I am proud to say that I fulfilled that resolution. Most of my teachers saw it as an unweighted decision on my part and decided to let me be. Knowing myself to be a high calibre student, I chose not to let their disapproval affect me. However, they were a handful who had faith in me. They believed I knew what I was doing and this simple gesture was what drove me during the difficult times.
It was during the A levels results day that I was able to prove to many of my teachers otherwise by doing exceptionally well for my A levels by getting 6 Distinctions. Given my passion and perseverance, I strongly believe that if i were given the right opportunities, I would be able to harness my potential and excel.
Life.
In the 2nd year of Junior College, I was involved heavily in many sports competitions, 2 at national levels, the National Schools Sports Climbing Competition (NSSCC) in 2010 and the National A Divisions Cross Country as well as 4 others that are recognized locally and internationally. As such, much of my time after curriculum hours as well as weekends are spent at school trainings and personal training. Albeit, the sacrifice I made was worth it as I managed to emerge as champion for one of the 4 competitions, namely Pumpfest 2010 as well as the silver award for speed team and Overall Best School in NSSCC 2010.
I have always been and always will be, a devoted sportsmen, yet I am also one that prides myself in my academics. Throughout the year, I was stretched for time while balancing academics and sports. However, being in my final year where opportunities for competing were dwindling, I made a risky decision to prioritize competitions for the first half of the year and believe in my intellectual capacity as well as passion for academics to drive me for the extremely vital second half where exams and much stress would come upon me. I am passionate for Biology and despite that decision, I made it a resolution to ensure that my Biology grades remain at least a B and I am proud to say that I fulfilled that resolution. Most of my teachers saw it as an unweighted decision on my part and decided to let me be. Knowing myself to be a high calibre student, I chose not to let their disapproval affect me. However, they were a handful who had faith in me. They believed I knew what I was doing and this simple gesture was what drove me during the difficult times.
It was during the A levels results day that I was able to prove to many of my teachers otherwise by doing exceptionally well for my A levels by getting 6 Distinctions. Given my passion and perseverance, I strongly believe that if i were given the right opportunities, I would be able to harness my potential and excel.
Life.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
There are some people in this world, whom whenever you meet them, or even just intend to meet them, will make you realize what kind of person you are, all the deeds you've done, be it the good, or the bad, and just open your eyes to see who you are. A strange feeling overwhelms me whenever I meet such people, suddenly, I feel ashamed, for whoever I will meet, these people, they are the best of people, not in appearance or status, but of character, be it kindness, patience, or tolerance and here I am, someone who clearly knows that sometimes, what I do is wrong, and yet, continue to do so. I feel dirty, impure, contaminated with whatever the world has tempted me with. Then I ponder on more than the world, about Death and the Afterlife. How, how can I meet with my Creator, when even with the people whom he has blessed I am already ashamed to meet?
Heart in throat, thats what I felt. I am grateful that I am able to have such experiences, happy to say that I have to capacity to realize such things and a simple wish that I will better myself with each experience.
Heart in throat, thats what I felt. I am grateful that I am able to have such experiences, happy to say that I have to capacity to realize such things and a simple wish that I will better myself with each experience.
Friday, February 18, 2011
MAN, you really only know the value of some things only till you lose it, like th comfort of your bed, th comfort of waking up late during th day, th comfort of hot showers and even th simple comfort of good tasting Milo that i've been served all my life! As you can already deduce, my life has taken a rather drastic renovation, widely known to all male Singaporeans above th age of 18 as NATIONAL SERVICE. I am now bald, black, and definitely getting fitter, and I'm not complaining, its a breath of fresh air that I like actually. I've only served a mere 10 days out of th one YEAR and ten MONTHS I owe the nation and already I sense a difference in me.
Th 10 days have had a profound impact in me, despite its short duration, I have forged a strong bond with my squad, relinquishing the individualistic feelings we have and attaining a more rewarding 'we' instead of 'me', and especially so with my bunkmates with whom I will be staying with for at least 3 months. They're a bunch of cool people I tell you, sometimes we share moments where only we get it, and damn, its really mind-numbingly funny. The 10 of us, 7 of which are Malay and 3 others being Chinese, HAHA! These 10 days is our confinement week in which as th name states, we're confined for 10 days straight, unable to book out during weekends, supposedly a rather tough time, hah. And true that, we did get a lot of drilling, scolding, punishments and pumping, emotions were high on some occasions but we always had to remind ourselves that we must always think as a group and things would settle down, more or less. One for all, all for one, simple rule, live by it and its all good, or all bad, choose one. Thankfully most of my squad mates are cooperative and believe in being a single unit, so its all good! Another thing from th 10 days is th experience of communal living, damn its a good feeling! Wake up every morning you pass by your 'neighbours' and we all still in mid slumber, eyes half open make our way slowly to the toilet to wash/freshen up, that is until someone shouts 'HURRY UP ITS ALMOST TIME!' then as if by magic, you see everyone rushing around, as if time was fast forwarded to twice its normal speed and BOOMZ! We're all in our formation awaiting instructions, and thats how a typical day begins, at 5am. Then later at night, you see us in our shorts with slippers and a singlet on, walking around, cleaning our bunks, or on th floors polishing our boots or just resting and talking rubbish with each other. Time slows down at night, its a good way to wind down! Yeah, I can get used to this for awhile more... And then theres th singing while we're bathing, its like a mini Singapore Idol between th cubicles I tell you! Haha! Thankfully, theres 2 of us that can sing, so its quite nice sometimes, before everyone joins in, and just becomes a din. What goes on in between these two occurences are too various to say, but I have essentially summarized it by saying that its always a 'we' and not 'me' and that takes shape in many forms, during our drills, during PT, during lessons and even when we're just sitting down doing nothing awaiting instructions. Magic word : Discipline.
Alright, Ima sleep now.
Th 10 days have had a profound impact in me, despite its short duration, I have forged a strong bond with my squad, relinquishing the individualistic feelings we have and attaining a more rewarding 'we' instead of 'me', and especially so with my bunkmates with whom I will be staying with for at least 3 months. They're a bunch of cool people I tell you, sometimes we share moments where only we get it, and damn, its really mind-numbingly funny. The 10 of us, 7 of which are Malay and 3 others being Chinese, HAHA! These 10 days is our confinement week in which as th name states, we're confined for 10 days straight, unable to book out during weekends, supposedly a rather tough time, hah. And true that, we did get a lot of drilling, scolding, punishments and pumping, emotions were high on some occasions but we always had to remind ourselves that we must always think as a group and things would settle down, more or less. One for all, all for one, simple rule, live by it and its all good, or all bad, choose one. Thankfully most of my squad mates are cooperative and believe in being a single unit, so its all good! Another thing from th 10 days is th experience of communal living, damn its a good feeling! Wake up every morning you pass by your 'neighbours' and we all still in mid slumber, eyes half open make our way slowly to the toilet to wash/freshen up, that is until someone shouts 'HURRY UP ITS ALMOST TIME!' then as if by magic, you see everyone rushing around, as if time was fast forwarded to twice its normal speed and BOOMZ! We're all in our formation awaiting instructions, and thats how a typical day begins, at 5am. Then later at night, you see us in our shorts with slippers and a singlet on, walking around, cleaning our bunks, or on th floors polishing our boots or just resting and talking rubbish with each other. Time slows down at night, its a good way to wind down! Yeah, I can get used to this for awhile more... And then theres th singing while we're bathing, its like a mini Singapore Idol between th cubicles I tell you! Haha! Thankfully, theres 2 of us that can sing, so its quite nice sometimes, before everyone joins in, and just becomes a din. What goes on in between these two occurences are too various to say, but I have essentially summarized it by saying that its always a 'we' and not 'me' and that takes shape in many forms, during our drills, during PT, during lessons and even when we're just sitting down doing nothing awaiting instructions. Magic word : Discipline.
Alright, Ima sleep now.
Monday, January 31, 2011
I was having a conversation with someone.
They say you should love God, but before you love anything, you must KNOW about that thing, right? Know what are the qualities of that thing that make you love that thing. And before THAT, you must know yourself, know what are the things that you love, so that you may find it somewhere else. So here I am, wondering, in the wee hours of the night, typing away my thoughts as they come, sometimes like a crawl through the mud, slow and arduous, full of effort, others as effortlessly as water flowing. Do I know myself? Thats a question I've always pondered time and again. It may sound absurd but personally, I think its a very important question. You gotta know yourself so that when you decide on something, you are fully away of your undertaking of whatever you chose. I talk, a lot. However, whenever I'm silent, I realize my thoughts are always swirling around a few significant things, and the many branches that are linked to them, namely Life, Death and God. Theres a saying that goes something along the lines of 'A person is truly himself when he is alone.'
I am drowning my thoughts in music, my eyes are closed and the music swallows me whole. This is a good feeling.
They say you should love God, but before you love anything, you must KNOW about that thing, right? Know what are the qualities of that thing that make you love that thing. And before THAT, you must know yourself, know what are the things that you love, so that you may find it somewhere else. So here I am, wondering, in the wee hours of the night, typing away my thoughts as they come, sometimes like a crawl through the mud, slow and arduous, full of effort, others as effortlessly as water flowing. Do I know myself? Thats a question I've always pondered time and again. It may sound absurd but personally, I think its a very important question. You gotta know yourself so that when you decide on something, you are fully away of your undertaking of whatever you chose. I talk, a lot. However, whenever I'm silent, I realize my thoughts are always swirling around a few significant things, and the many branches that are linked to them, namely Life, Death and God. Theres a saying that goes something along the lines of 'A person is truly himself when he is alone.'
I am drowning my thoughts in music, my eyes are closed and the music swallows me whole. This is a good feeling.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I am small, on a tricycle, cycling around th carpark in th dark of night, all alone, strangely unafraid as I discover strange things at every corner, a shadow trailing me as I meander through all th corners.
I am medium, walking on a crowded street, looking for something I didn't know, just pushing through th crowd, and finally found it, my brother and father, by this shop, looking at a single man in blue shirt, big, black and bald, yet somehow familiar. My dad's excited, saying 'its him! its him!' He turns, and he smiles, his eyes a glint that is so familiar it immediately connects. A sigh of relief and we just watch as he disappears into th crowd, his size an illusion in this fog of life. My wallet slips out and a single coin rolls out awkwardly on th floor, suddenly an empty circle, I pick it up.
I am large, in a crowded mosque, taking off my shoes and taking ablution when I suddenly realized I'm just wearing shorts. Weird, I clearly remembered wearing long pants, and I start to search for it, but is unable to find it. I panic and call out to my friends. Suddenly, we're in taxi and I'm wearing long pants, there is a lady, a mother of one of my friends, th taxi driver makes a turn and we wonder where we're going. He points out this mosque, not th one we're from and we just accept it. Th mosque reverberates a strange vibe, I knew theres something wrong, I recognize the mosque, and asks my friend if I'm right, I am. Its a strange mosque, but we had to attend prayers which was starting soon, and we just went ahead. The taxi driver parks th taxi in front of an alley, with an archway which was strangely ancient with mold and signs of erosion, and under a large shadow which is from an unknown source.
Then I woke up. Tiring.
Seemingly a random dream, but these kinda long and vivid dreams usually aren't. Somewhere in that mess, is a message for me, for something I've done.
I am medium, walking on a crowded street, looking for something I didn't know, just pushing through th crowd, and finally found it, my brother and father, by this shop, looking at a single man in blue shirt, big, black and bald, yet somehow familiar. My dad's excited, saying 'its him! its him!' He turns, and he smiles, his eyes a glint that is so familiar it immediately connects. A sigh of relief and we just watch as he disappears into th crowd, his size an illusion in this fog of life. My wallet slips out and a single coin rolls out awkwardly on th floor, suddenly an empty circle, I pick it up.
I am large, in a crowded mosque, taking off my shoes and taking ablution when I suddenly realized I'm just wearing shorts. Weird, I clearly remembered wearing long pants, and I start to search for it, but is unable to find it. I panic and call out to my friends. Suddenly, we're in taxi and I'm wearing long pants, there is a lady, a mother of one of my friends, th taxi driver makes a turn and we wonder where we're going. He points out this mosque, not th one we're from and we just accept it. Th mosque reverberates a strange vibe, I knew theres something wrong, I recognize the mosque, and asks my friend if I'm right, I am. Its a strange mosque, but we had to attend prayers which was starting soon, and we just went ahead. The taxi driver parks th taxi in front of an alley, with an archway which was strangely ancient with mold and signs of erosion, and under a large shadow which is from an unknown source.
Then I woke up. Tiring.
Seemingly a random dream, but these kinda long and vivid dreams usually aren't. Somewhere in that mess, is a message for me, for something I've done.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sometimes, the lips do not speak what the mind intends to convey, what more our actions, which are open to more interpretation and along the way, may be distorted and perceived in a different light that the true intentions are completely lost? Yet, how else can we communicate with others? I've always tried to convey my thoughts as clearly as possible, with words and actions, from intonation to gestures, but as always, and inevitably, things don't go as planned. People misinterpret and get upset or hurt. Truly, it is never my intention to hurt, maybe to joke around and tease, but never hurt. I would know as I am, as reluctantly as I am to admit, somewhat sensitive to the words of others, even those whom I am close to and thus know their manners and character. I realized that I've become a quieter person these days, in hopes that the silence will discipline my lips and really think before I speak, as in th past, I am very sure that my words have often been said with half a thought and had hurt many others and I am truly sorry for that. Although I'm trying to speak less, its rather obvious that I still have lots to say, and I understand when people don't understand what I say, cause I agree, I tend to murmur and slur my speech, oh well. Words are really such a blunt tool of communication, especially verbal speech. It ticks me when people don't get what I say, not in the sense that my words are slurred or anything, but rather they don't get what I'm trying to convey or mean to say, even when I structure my sentence as clearly as possible and speak coherently. Don't mind me, I'm just rambling, its how I settle my thoughts apart from drawing seemingly random things.
I have set up a high mental barrier to shield my emotions, from past experiences, I've learnt that giving my heart to another is a hurtful experience especially if the people given such a thing are not honourable in their words or true at heart. I pride myself in being able to read the expressions and words of people to somehow see through them, however, love does weird things to you. I am a person who truly respects honesty and although time and again, others has hurt me through facades and deceit, I am still willing to give you a chance to bear my heart which I readily give, however, the question lies in whether you accept it in full honesty. It is hard for me to admit this but, as inevitable as it, the past does indeed affect me and I am afraid that it will haunt me once more. Like an insecure boy, all I seek is confirmation and promise, but although it sounds simple, I know its a difficult demand to fulfill. I am a person who does things out of sincerity and it is with sincerity that I give away my heart, have no fear, I will guard yours as it were mine, but please do the same for me.
I have set up a high mental barrier to shield my emotions, from past experiences, I've learnt that giving my heart to another is a hurtful experience especially if the people given such a thing are not honourable in their words or true at heart. I pride myself in being able to read the expressions and words of people to somehow see through them, however, love does weird things to you. I am a person who truly respects honesty and although time and again, others has hurt me through facades and deceit, I am still willing to give you a chance to bear my heart which I readily give, however, the question lies in whether you accept it in full honesty. It is hard for me to admit this but, as inevitable as it, the past does indeed affect me and I am afraid that it will haunt me once more. Like an insecure boy, all I seek is confirmation and promise, but although it sounds simple, I know its a difficult demand to fulfill. I am a person who does things out of sincerity and it is with sincerity that I give away my heart, have no fear, I will guard yours as it were mine, but please do the same for me.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
imagine a clock, the gears turning and meeting each teeth of another gear in a smooth orchestrated motion, fluid and elegant, yeah, mind used to be like that, but now, as I observe it, its getting rusty, with loud, dragging noises as they creak about their axles. Our minds like a muscle, it needs constant use to remain at its optimum level, leave it unused for long times and it will be like losing your memory, everything's just about out of reach or takes a lot longer to process. Damn, if this is gonna continue, i'm gonna lose a lot of IQ points when I go NS. Haii...
On another note, WHOOOOO, can't wait for my enlistment date! okay, hold on a minute, i'm not really THAT excited, but yknow, still is? cause its a new chapter of my life, with new people, a completely new experience, and obviously one that would greatly mature me, hopefully, HAHA! Its like th feeling you get while you're waiting in line for your turn to climb during a competition yknow, th lukewarm feeling, accompanied by the jittery nerves and excitement, yeah, that. and of course, ze money. looking forward to some sort of financial independence yea, hate asking my parents for money to go out or buy stuff, with a small albeit stable income, can lay off th burden abit yea, so its all good...
On another note, WHOOOOO, can't wait for my enlistment date! okay, hold on a minute, i'm not really THAT excited, but yknow, still is? cause its a new chapter of my life, with new people, a completely new experience, and obviously one that would greatly mature me, hopefully, HAHA! Its like th feeling you get while you're waiting in line for your turn to climb during a competition yknow, th lukewarm feeling, accompanied by the jittery nerves and excitement, yeah, that. and of course, ze money. looking forward to some sort of financial independence yea, hate asking my parents for money to go out or buy stuff, with a small albeit stable income, can lay off th burden abit yea, so its all good...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I'm not feeling pensive in any way, but just wanna update regarding matters of late.
Okay, so lets rewind a bit. Prom Night. Man, that was an epic night. Met with them gay climbers at our hotel room first to prepare, lol that was funny. Every one of us was good-looking, as always. Then we proceeded to the hotel and BAM! Like system shock sia, since when TJC got so many good-looking people?! HAH. So yeah, then badabing badaboom, end of prom stuff, a hell lot of photos, shit got tired of smiling, but it was such a happy event so its okay, and we're off to post-prom with the climbers! HAHAHAHAHA shit must not be told, so nuh-uh. But I sure can tell you it was hilarious x)
Hmm, okay lets see whats next. Oh yeah, Clements Birthday Party. HAHA Shit that was epic. But only for th later parts, at first they were many people and since everyones not really close to everyone, it was quite divided, then as the night went by, people left and the people whos left are th ones that know each other more and hence more comfortable with each other, hence leading to stupid shit conversations and mocking/jokes, take for example me being called BoobBoy. Met a couple of new people, made new friends, like the gayboy Minron from HCI, who so blatantly blamed me for corrupting him in just one night, and became closer to others, it was actually an opportunity to like catch up with people who've been missing throughout A's, namely Natesha the jewbear. LOL.
Joyce's birthdays chalets next! Hahaha it was a short chalet, didnt last the whole night like clements but it was still fun nonetheless. Actually during th chalet i realized my class is a bit retarded in their own unique way, which i find endearing.
So yeahh, thats about all th happenings that happened?
Shit i think im getting high, like those stoned high, not th hyperactive high. everything seems distant, the musics just floating around and yeah...
Okay, so lets rewind a bit. Prom Night. Man, that was an epic night. Met with them gay climbers at our hotel room first to prepare, lol that was funny. Every one of us was good-looking, as always. Then we proceeded to the hotel and BAM! Like system shock sia, since when TJC got so many good-looking people?! HAH. So yeah, then badabing badaboom, end of prom stuff, a hell lot of photos, shit got tired of smiling, but it was such a happy event so its okay, and we're off to post-prom with the climbers! HAHAHAHAHA shit must not be told, so nuh-uh. But I sure can tell you it was hilarious x)
Hmm, okay lets see whats next. Oh yeah, Clements Birthday Party. HAHA Shit that was epic. But only for th later parts, at first they were many people and since everyones not really close to everyone, it was quite divided, then as the night went by, people left and the people whos left are th ones that know each other more and hence more comfortable with each other, hence leading to stupid shit conversations and mocking/jokes, take for example me being called BoobBoy. Met a couple of new people, made new friends, like the gayboy Minron from HCI, who so blatantly blamed me for corrupting him in just one night, and became closer to others, it was actually an opportunity to like catch up with people who've been missing throughout A's, namely Natesha the jewbear. LOL.
Joyce's birthdays chalets next! Hahaha it was a short chalet, didnt last the whole night like clements but it was still fun nonetheless. Actually during th chalet i realized my class is a bit retarded in their own unique way, which i find endearing.
So yeahh, thats about all th happenings that happened?
Shit i think im getting high, like those stoned high, not th hyperactive high. everything seems distant, the musics just floating around and yeah...
Thursday, December 02, 2010
this a glorious morning people.
WHY? Cause, as thousands across Singapore have probably already screamed at th top of their lungs or silently whispered to their hearts, that A levels, is FINALLY, OFFICIALLY, over. Yes, yes, I am indeed late regarding this 'update' but I choose to only do it when it is really really over, y'know, when th last paper is done. Looking back now, it only lasted for FOUR measly weeks, but it sure felt longer, more like a month. Yeah, saying it differently has different effects on me, I'm weird like that. 2 years have passed and now we're back here in the bubble of emptiness, okay not for those IP/TA people, they have yet to experience such sensations.
Yet, in all the celebration amidst us, I would like to thank whomever that have supported and pushed me on yeah? The first is always Him and that goes without saying, secondly to my little sister, who witnessed me in all my agony as I came as close to cracking as I have ever been and through a simple post-it note on my mirror, managed to give me the drive to carry on, it read 'Mat, you've gone too far to stop now! Rmb, it is you who takes away your own confidence. Ingat dia je (Just remember Him), CHEMON LEE!'. A simple message to remind me that no matter all the words of encouragement spoken to you, it still boils down to your own desire to achieve. So here it is, thank you little sister. Thirdly, to my mother and father, who despite her cluelessness regarding the rigour and significance of JC life, have always given faith to me to always look at th positive side of things, to always have your hopes high and only speak of the good things and to my dad, for being the silent disciplinarian in the family, always hoping the best out of me yet never saying it, but its okay, your little contributions may seem invisible to others but not me, I see the little things you do behind my back to provide support, from simple acts of not watching your favourite soccer match cause you know it'll be noisy for me to sending me to school ( and failing to do so cause he sent me to me secondary school! ). Thank you mom and dad, I am eternally grateful for your deeds. And LASTLY, to all of you gay people who've shared th same boat throughout this journey, th times spent groaning and lamenting regarding A's, th times spent wondering what happens after As with eyes bright with hope and enthusiasm, and th times we toiled together in libraries, at homes, under the blocks, at the bustops, in th buses, at the Expo, at school, uniting our drive to support each other, Thank you my friends.
Strangely, th small and soft consolation I whisper to my heart, that As is finally over, has a greater effect on me than screaming it out with my all of my lungs as I initially thought.
And to celebrate the end of As, ahh as usual, it is with them gays, you climbers. Nothing beats spending time with you guys man, seriously, for all the nonsensical bullshit we share, underneath all that cock and bull, lies a connection between all of us, and for that, damn I have no words to speak of. Love you guys man, especially th guys, you fags. Such a weird manner of expression huh? Oh well, HAHA! and Of course with Natasha, whom you guys would only recently discover, except for some, yeah. :)
I WILL TOTALLY BE LATE FOR SCHOOL TODAY BUT OH WELL.
just for the feeling yeah;
A's IS OVERRRRR
WHY? Cause, as thousands across Singapore have probably already screamed at th top of their lungs or silently whispered to their hearts, that A levels, is FINALLY, OFFICIALLY, over. Yes, yes, I am indeed late regarding this 'update' but I choose to only do it when it is really really over, y'know, when th last paper is done. Looking back now, it only lasted for FOUR measly weeks, but it sure felt longer, more like a month. Yeah, saying it differently has different effects on me, I'm weird like that. 2 years have passed and now we're back here in the bubble of emptiness, okay not for those IP/TA people, they have yet to experience such sensations.
Yet, in all the celebration amidst us, I would like to thank whomever that have supported and pushed me on yeah? The first is always Him and that goes without saying, secondly to my little sister, who witnessed me in all my agony as I came as close to cracking as I have ever been and through a simple post-it note on my mirror, managed to give me the drive to carry on, it read 'Mat, you've gone too far to stop now! Rmb, it is you who takes away your own confidence. Ingat dia je (Just remember Him), CHEMON LEE!'. A simple message to remind me that no matter all the words of encouragement spoken to you, it still boils down to your own desire to achieve. So here it is, thank you little sister. Thirdly, to my mother and father, who despite her cluelessness regarding the rigour and significance of JC life, have always given faith to me to always look at th positive side of things, to always have your hopes high and only speak of the good things and to my dad, for being the silent disciplinarian in the family, always hoping the best out of me yet never saying it, but its okay, your little contributions may seem invisible to others but not me, I see the little things you do behind my back to provide support, from simple acts of not watching your favourite soccer match cause you know it'll be noisy for me to sending me to school ( and failing to do so cause he sent me to me secondary school! ). Thank you mom and dad, I am eternally grateful for your deeds. And LASTLY, to all of you gay people who've shared th same boat throughout this journey, th times spent groaning and lamenting regarding A's, th times spent wondering what happens after As with eyes bright with hope and enthusiasm, and th times we toiled together in libraries, at homes, under the blocks, at the bustops, in th buses, at the Expo, at school, uniting our drive to support each other, Thank you my friends.
Strangely, th small and soft consolation I whisper to my heart, that As is finally over, has a greater effect on me than screaming it out with my all of my lungs as I initially thought.
And to celebrate the end of As, ahh as usual, it is with them gays, you climbers. Nothing beats spending time with you guys man, seriously, for all the nonsensical bullshit we share, underneath all that cock and bull, lies a connection between all of us, and for that, damn I have no words to speak of. Love you guys man, especially th guys, you fags. Such a weird manner of expression huh? Oh well, HAHA! and Of course with Natasha, whom you guys would only recently discover, except for some, yeah. :)
I WILL TOTALLY BE LATE FOR SCHOOL TODAY BUT OH WELL.
just for the feeling yeah;
A's IS OVERRRRR
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Everyone has their flaws, some big some small.
Though sometimes, it really gets in your face and you either just keep it in, or just shoot th person down. I have a strong tendency to just keep it in, y'know, just let it bounce about in my mind, usually it'll die down after awhile, but sometimes, when it occurs too frequently, you just feel like exploding. This is probably one of the reasons why inside i'm a pretty angry kid, but oh well, i'm sure its all safely locked inside, pity the person who unknowingly makes me explode. Furthermore, today something happened and I realized that I'm hardly sad because I channel my sad emotions into anger, and I think thats rather unhealthy, but oh well, thats the way I deal with things yea... Theres no special way of presenting my thoughts today, initially had a draft in my head when I was angry and all, but its all dissipated into nothingness so its just plain words. Mm, I'm tired. Goodbye
Though sometimes, it really gets in your face and you either just keep it in, or just shoot th person down. I have a strong tendency to just keep it in, y'know, just let it bounce about in my mind, usually it'll die down after awhile, but sometimes, when it occurs too frequently, you just feel like exploding. This is probably one of the reasons why inside i'm a pretty angry kid, but oh well, i'm sure its all safely locked inside, pity the person who unknowingly makes me explode. Furthermore, today something happened and I realized that I'm hardly sad because I channel my sad emotions into anger, and I think thats rather unhealthy, but oh well, thats the way I deal with things yea... Theres no special way of presenting my thoughts today, initially had a draft in my head when I was angry and all, but its all dissipated into nothingness so its just plain words. Mm, I'm tired. Goodbye
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Smiling in the dark
This familiar rumble, of ups and down, and of butterflies,
yet, they are in th wrong place, no, not in my stomach.
Rather, it is in this little heart of mine. Oh th irony.
Like hot ice, this bittersweet feeling envelopes me whole.
I close my eyes, and listen to the beating of my heart,
Th organic morse code machine, sending a message.
Like th first sprout of spring, it will never cease to amaze,
th silence and darkness, right before th fireworks explode into colour.
All rivers take a meandering path, but it will always lead to the sea.
Alas, I have taken a slow meandering journey, and what awaits me?
Surprise, surprise it is as I have foreseen, nonetheless, surprisingly.
Ohh th irony, this familiar rumble, of ups, and downs, and of butterflies,
Is it me, or is it fate, or is it just my luck?
... ... .. .. . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . .. . . .. .. . .
I know, I know, A's is in 6 days!
But who am I to impede?
This familiar rumble, of ups and down, and of butterflies,
yet, they are in th wrong place, no, not in my stomach.
Rather, it is in this little heart of mine. Oh th irony.
Like hot ice, this bittersweet feeling envelopes me whole.
I close my eyes, and listen to the beating of my heart,
Th organic morse code machine, sending a message.
Like th first sprout of spring, it will never cease to amaze,
th silence and darkness, right before th fireworks explode into colour.
All rivers take a meandering path, but it will always lead to the sea.
Alas, I have taken a slow meandering journey, and what awaits me?
Surprise, surprise it is as I have foreseen, nonetheless, surprisingly.
Ohh th irony, this familiar rumble, of ups, and downs, and of butterflies,
Is it me, or is it fate, or is it just my luck?
... ... .. .. . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . .. . . .. .. . .
I know, I know, A's is in 6 days!
But who am I to impede?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Chugga chugga choo chooo!
The days are closing by, rushing by, going in a blur.
The intensity, so fierce, almost creeping into frantic.
Like mindless drones, we study till our brains well up.
Now and then, doubt fills our head and dark clouds hang by.
Everyone needs a reminder once in awhile, hang on, hang on!
Like a marathon, THIS is the final lap, will you give up?
Alas, as the saying goes, the night is darkest before dawn.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and dive in,
cause we're all there with you too.
The days are closing by, rushing by, going in a blur.
The intensity, so fierce, almost creeping into frantic.
Like mindless drones, we study till our brains well up.
Now and then, doubt fills our head and dark clouds hang by.
Everyone needs a reminder once in awhile, hang on, hang on!
Like a marathon, THIS is the final lap, will you give up?
Alas, as the saying goes, the night is darkest before dawn.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and dive in,
cause we're all there with you too.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Verbal response.
It seems that I'm always incapable of expressing myself coherently through verbal response.
Its a habit I guess, I speak too fast, always murmuring or slurring my words into one tangled mess.
It does get frustrating sometimes, and I would just not repeat myself, deeming the situation futile, preferring to let the person or persons decipher what I've just spoken. Oh well. I agree it does require some getting used to and not everyone can do it. I do believe that through words, I am much more successful in bringing across my point. It forces me to stop and look at the words I've typed before actually sending it. Though there are moments where no words can describe, but thats a whole different issue right there. But as clear as day, limiting one's expressions to mere words is obviously not a choice and hence, I will put in more effort to slow down my words. It does becomes a chore especially when my mind is on a roll and in order to not lose track of it, it just flows out. Nonetheless, I will try. The benefits are numerable and hence, worthwhile.
SPEAK SLOWLY.
It seems that I'm always incapable of expressing myself coherently through verbal response.
Its a habit I guess, I speak too fast, always murmuring or slurring my words into one tangled mess.
It does get frustrating sometimes, and I would just not repeat myself, deeming the situation futile, preferring to let the person or persons decipher what I've just spoken. Oh well. I agree it does require some getting used to and not everyone can do it. I do believe that through words, I am much more successful in bringing across my point. It forces me to stop and look at the words I've typed before actually sending it. Though there are moments where no words can describe, but thats a whole different issue right there. But as clear as day, limiting one's expressions to mere words is obviously not a choice and hence, I will put in more effort to slow down my words. It does becomes a chore especially when my mind is on a roll and in order to not lose track of it, it just flows out. Nonetheless, I will try. The benefits are numerable and hence, worthwhile.
SPEAK SLOWLY.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Like dust in th wind we float by, guided by unseen, uncontrollable forces.
the unknown destination we head for, a constant flux in our minds, ever changing.
what we wish for, what we want, malleable and adaptable, can it be achieved?
Place weight in actions, hold th reins and steer as you wish, and bring change.
Change, as always, only comes through ideas set in motion and effort made.
Alas, the outcome still lies in the fog of Life, so close, yet never in our grasp.
Inevitable. The forces, they remain unseen and uncontrollable, laying th way for us.
After all that can possibly be done, we can only hope and pray, that is as We intended.
the unknown destination we head for, a constant flux in our minds, ever changing.
what we wish for, what we want, malleable and adaptable, can it be achieved?
Place weight in actions, hold th reins and steer as you wish, and bring change.
Change, as always, only comes through ideas set in motion and effort made.
Alas, the outcome still lies in the fog of Life, so close, yet never in our grasp.
Inevitable. The forces, they remain unseen and uncontrollable, laying th way for us.
After all that can possibly be done, we can only hope and pray, that is as We intended.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Air dicincang tiada akan putus.
Thats a Malay proverb. Literally, it means that a stream of water, no matter how you slice, will always be flowing. Metaphorically, it means the bond between brothers, no matter the fights and arguments, will always remain. And it is one that I can very much relate to.
If you guys have ever placed me and my brother in a room, and hear us speak, or whatever, you'd probably see us bickering or having a laugh while mocking someone or something like that. And damn, when we bicker, often it would be the both of us shouting at each other followed by harsh silence, then before we know it, al iz well once more. As we grow up, my brother and I, naturally, we are molded through the different experiences that we face in life and as a result, have conflicting views and attitudes regarding some issues. Inevitably, as boys growing up charged with hormones, we fight and argue and sometimes hit each other, but despite all that shit, we will always remember the wise words of our elders and let the dust settle and you know, chill out like normal times, which is every other time when we're not fighting. And the best thing is, its like you know, being brothers, we're equipped with an inborn Bluetooth connection, so even when neither of us speaks during the silence, we know what each other is thinking, and you know, being the mature people we are, we always know who is in the wrong and shit like that, so its like a natural spontaneous forgiving process that occurs invisibly. But obviously being the younger one, it is my nature and also out of respect, that I accept my brother for who he is and you know, accept each other's flaws and stuff cause, yeah, nobody's perfect yeah?
Thats a Malay proverb. Literally, it means that a stream of water, no matter how you slice, will always be flowing. Metaphorically, it means the bond between brothers, no matter the fights and arguments, will always remain. And it is one that I can very much relate to.
If you guys have ever placed me and my brother in a room, and hear us speak, or whatever, you'd probably see us bickering or having a laugh while mocking someone or something like that. And damn, when we bicker, often it would be the both of us shouting at each other followed by harsh silence, then before we know it, al iz well once more. As we grow up, my brother and I, naturally, we are molded through the different experiences that we face in life and as a result, have conflicting views and attitudes regarding some issues. Inevitably, as boys growing up charged with hormones, we fight and argue and sometimes hit each other, but despite all that shit, we will always remember the wise words of our elders and let the dust settle and you know, chill out like normal times, which is every other time when we're not fighting. And the best thing is, its like you know, being brothers, we're equipped with an inborn Bluetooth connection, so even when neither of us speaks during the silence, we know what each other is thinking, and you know, being the mature people we are, we always know who is in the wrong and shit like that, so its like a natural spontaneous forgiving process that occurs invisibly. But obviously being the younger one, it is my nature and also out of respect, that I accept my brother for who he is and you know, accept each other's flaws and stuff cause, yeah, nobody's perfect yeah?
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Its 3am, I wake up and stare at the darkness all around me.
I wonder where I am, and most importantly, why am I here.
No answers come to mind and I just sit there, wondering.
I see familiar faces, we speak and we move, but I don't know to where.
Suddenly apprehension grips me and I suddenly feel that I'm doing something wrong.
I shake off the feeling and focus my thoughts
and then I wake up.
Tiring dream. It was as if I've been awake since the moment I woke up in my dream, which had a negative effect on me throughout the day, feeling stoned all day long. I have to find a way to unravel my thoughts, my dreams are getting too confusing to be interpreted, too strange... A reflection of my thoughts, possibly in liquid silver with ripples all around. Someday, they will stop and hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to understand clearly.
I wonder where I am, and most importantly, why am I here.
No answers come to mind and I just sit there, wondering.
I see familiar faces, we speak and we move, but I don't know to where.
Suddenly apprehension grips me and I suddenly feel that I'm doing something wrong.
I shake off the feeling and focus my thoughts
and then I wake up.
Tiring dream. It was as if I've been awake since the moment I woke up in my dream, which had a negative effect on me throughout the day, feeling stoned all day long. I have to find a way to unravel my thoughts, my dreams are getting too confusing to be interpreted, too strange... A reflection of my thoughts, possibly in liquid silver with ripples all around. Someday, they will stop and hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to understand clearly.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
The Ying and Yang of World Hunger
See, thats th kinda drawings that i wanna make,
at first sight, it seems, well, kinda messed up, sometimes th subjects that make it up seem a bit unlinked, but the more you look at it and observe it, it becomes ever clearer and suddenly, it all dawns upon you, BAM! its a wonderful feeling, to connect the dots between two ideas, and to project it onto paper and infusing creativity into it, while simultaneously bringing across a message, that isn't necessary clear but given time and thought, will be evident to those who lay their minds upon it, mm such a wonderful feeling. And usually, I aim for that in them.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sometimes, we bear the heaviest of burdens, th darkest of secrets.
They weigh us down, even th strongest will feel its weight.
In time, we grow stronger and it feels lighter, a relief.
Then we remember, we were just fooling ourselves, it is as heavy as before.
Then come a handful strangers into our life.
Strangers whom you have a sudden deep connection with,
whom through the test of time, of hormonal mood swings and a barrage of arguments,
emerge, as individuals who, through their presence, carry the weight along with you.
Individuals who I am truly, as far as my heart goes, grateful and thankful for.
We speak our wishes in shadows and hushed tones,
yet they somehow hear it out loud and respond,
Not necessarily to fulfill, merely to acknowledge.
When it is too painful to say, they listen, to our hearts
Facial expressions schooled to fool all others,
sometimes betray the inner emotions that bode within.
The comfortable silence that hangs in the atmosphere,
veiling the unspoken conversation between us
Human beings have the innate need to form connections.
Bonds are formed between people undergoing a similar experience,
Strong bonds are formed between people who have undergone the ups and downs,
The strongest of bonds are formed when these bonds are strained,
and however strongly they are pulled, they remain sturdy and through this, become stronger.
'The mind, once stretched beyond its original dimensions, will never revert back to it.'
-Albert Einstein
Friday, September 17, 2010
Its been awhile since I last written anything so, there won't be any particular direction to my words tonight, just whatever that pops in my head, just gotta write, makes me feel good.
OKAY, well, what a relief, today is over. Truthfully, today was quite a mentally tiring day, with chem in the morning and bio and in the afternoon, even my mind is tired, and that doesn't happen often mind you. Seriously, whoa, it was such a combination bio and chem, but thankfully, it went alright, or so i hope to believe.
Well, I hand it over to You man, I have done what I believe is sufficient, as You have said, change does not come without effort, and truly, I have invested much time and ... yea time, oh yea and sleep, to the enlightenment and sharpening of my mind, But, in the end, it all boils down to Your decision, so here is my plea to You, let me achieve what I seek.
Mm. Quite intense times, but oh well, that is life, or our life here in Singapore, no point blabbering about how its unfair or whatever anyways. But sometimes, you gotta question yourself, why do YOU study? A question with ever-changing answers as you move from one person to another. Sometimes I wonder too, why. Generally, well, its obviously to secure a somewhat stable insurance to a good future, y'know, good job and shit like that. Sometimes, we study, cause we just have to, its the way the world works. Such a bummer.
I've just recently finished watching a movie called '3 Idiots', a Hindi comedy. As the name suggests, it involves three guys and true indeed, they deserve to be called idiots for their crazy antics. But man, this movie really moved me, not in the emotional like crying and all that, just those moments that you experience a sudden epiphany coupled with some emotional but positive surge, you dig? It encompasses around one of the three, a bright student, and oh yea, its about the journey of three friends through their varsity years. This dude, is one of those exceptional people as often depicted in movies, the crazy nice guy who despite all the retarded things he does, is a genius. Typical, I know. However, the thing that made this movie such a moving one for me was the advise he gave to his friends, and how he managed to rub off an aspect of him on his two buddies to the point that it was a life-changing thing for them. The trials that his friends experience, not by him, that really formed the essence of the movie. Such a nice movie.
Somewhere, something isn't working as well, something is getting worse, and damn it brings a foreboding feeling. The fluctuating searing pain, its a sign, something isn't right. But oh well, we shall leave it be, it will settle on its own, hopefully. Maybe its nothing, mm...
I miss fasting, contrary to what people think, I don't find it as a form of entrapment, but rather of release. There is a vibe you get when all this while, you want this and want that, and slowly, it all disappears and you want nothing, like a warm feeling of contentment wraps itself around me when I fast. Its like achieving inner peace in a sense, yeah, that. Mm....
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OKAY, well, what a relief, today is over. Truthfully, today was quite a mentally tiring day, with chem in the morning and bio and in the afternoon, even my mind is tired, and that doesn't happen often mind you. Seriously, whoa, it was such a combination bio and chem, but thankfully, it went alright, or so i hope to believe.
Well, I hand it over to You man, I have done what I believe is sufficient, as You have said, change does not come without effort, and truly, I have invested much time and ... yea time, oh yea and sleep, to the enlightenment and sharpening of my mind, But, in the end, it all boils down to Your decision, so here is my plea to You, let me achieve what I seek.
Mm. Quite intense times, but oh well, that is life, or our life here in Singapore, no point blabbering about how its unfair or whatever anyways. But sometimes, you gotta question yourself, why do YOU study? A question with ever-changing answers as you move from one person to another. Sometimes I wonder too, why. Generally, well, its obviously to secure a somewhat stable insurance to a good future, y'know, good job and shit like that. Sometimes, we study, cause we just have to, its the way the world works. Such a bummer.
I've just recently finished watching a movie called '3 Idiots', a Hindi comedy. As the name suggests, it involves three guys and true indeed, they deserve to be called idiots for their crazy antics. But man, this movie really moved me, not in the emotional like crying and all that, just those moments that you experience a sudden epiphany coupled with some emotional but positive surge, you dig? It encompasses around one of the three, a bright student, and oh yea, its about the journey of three friends through their varsity years. This dude, is one of those exceptional people as often depicted in movies, the crazy nice guy who despite all the retarded things he does, is a genius. Typical, I know. However, the thing that made this movie such a moving one for me was the advise he gave to his friends, and how he managed to rub off an aspect of him on his two buddies to the point that it was a life-changing thing for them. The trials that his friends experience, not by him, that really formed the essence of the movie. Such a nice movie.
Somewhere, something isn't working as well, something is getting worse, and damn it brings a foreboding feeling. The fluctuating searing pain, its a sign, something isn't right. But oh well, we shall leave it be, it will settle on its own, hopefully. Maybe its nothing, mm...
I miss fasting, contrary to what people think, I don't find it as a form of entrapment, but rather of release. There is a vibe you get when all this while, you want this and want that, and slowly, it all disappears and you want nothing, like a warm feeling of contentment wraps itself around me when I fast. Its like achieving inner peace in a sense, yeah, that. Mm....
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Thursday, September 02, 2010
The Sound of Silence
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence
"This song about the inability for people to communicate with each other, not particularly internationally, but especially emotionally, so that what you see around you are people that are unable to love each other"
-Art Garfunkel
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
What we tell ourselves, our minds intoxicated with thought.
The pinprick of light, emerging as we escape into the darkness
of our body succumbing to its human ends, to fatigue and of rest.
The remaining thoughts that emerge, as vivid as they may be before,
strangely forgotten when we wake from our sleep, a distant memory.
Like words at the tip of our tongues, like a sneeze midway through passage,
an incessant, unrelenting tugging as we ponder and inevitably meet with a wall.
Such a subtle yet influential event.
Our minds wander about as it unravels the events and thoughts floating by,
Like an ocean subjected to a storm, in constant flux, and full of chaos.
Pieces of a puzzle that were kept away, suddenly appearing clearly.
Keep calm and let it settle for it is a natural process, like breathing.
Embrace the sensation as peace creeps slowly into us,
The pinprick of light, greeting us with warmth,
silence the mind and be tranquil at heart.
A good sleep heals the mind and mends the body.
The pinprick of light, emerging as we escape into the darkness
of our body succumbing to its human ends, to fatigue and of rest.
The remaining thoughts that emerge, as vivid as they may be before,
strangely forgotten when we wake from our sleep, a distant memory.
Like words at the tip of our tongues, like a sneeze midway through passage,
an incessant, unrelenting tugging as we ponder and inevitably meet with a wall.
Such a subtle yet influential event.
Our minds wander about as it unravels the events and thoughts floating by,
Like an ocean subjected to a storm, in constant flux, and full of chaos.
Pieces of a puzzle that were kept away, suddenly appearing clearly.
Keep calm and let it settle for it is a natural process, like breathing.
Embrace the sensation as peace creeps slowly into us,
The pinprick of light, greeting us with warmth,
silence the mind and be tranquil at heart.
A good sleep heals the mind and mends the body.
Monday, August 23, 2010
I have a strong affinity to animals, especially cats, and this really jerked some tears to my eyes.
... . .. .. .. . . .. . .. .. .. .. .. ... .. .. .. . . . ... . . ... . . .
Well people, we're really gonna be in one hell of a roller-coaster ride in the weeks to come, Guaranteed plus chop. Sure, it will be tough, that has already been assured. But what matters most is that we persevere and stand strong. The winds will batter us till we will want to drop to our knees, and many at times, we will feel like just giving up, but come on, thats not what we're here for are we? Hold tightly onto the reason why we've held on for so long and it will give us strength to trudge on. Look around and we'll see that everyones facing the same shit we are, and we gotta be there for each other, cause eventually, no matter what others say, only those experiencing the same things as we do will know how it truly feels. Indeed, the night is darkest just before dawn, and when day finally arrives, we will rejoice knowing that we have given our all for what is worth it.
Allez
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Bass, beats and rhythms provide me with some escape and release from the hectic lives we call lives, for now.
They speak my mind and generate momentum, energizing it while simultaneously hypnotizing me with its weaving.
You know, sometimes, at the end of the day when you're all tired and your minds feeling saturated, all you gotta do is just sit down somewhere comfortable, have a friend, and just take a moment to relax, talk and slow down a while. Yea, that works.
They speak my mind and generate momentum, energizing it while simultaneously hypnotizing me with its weaving.
You know, sometimes, at the end of the day when you're all tired and your minds feeling saturated, all you gotta do is just sit down somewhere comfortable, have a friend, and just take a moment to relax, talk and slow down a while. Yea, that works.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Who is my friend?
Hello, I've been waiting for so long, for you, just waiting oh-so-patiently for your arrival. In the dark, and in the light, In the rain, and in the sun. From the day you were born, for every breathe you take, I stand so silently, watching you as you age. Every tear your cried, every laughter, I have been there for you, your faithful companion. Sometimes, you do remember me, through reminders all around. The fear in your eyes, why is it there? Are you so attached to this place that you fear my arrival? Be reminded my young friend, this is merely a temporary abode. I will come for you, swiftly, painfully or otherwise, you decide. For no matter what, it is the Inevitable. Till we meet my friend, farewell and may we meet embracing, peace be upon You.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Well, I guess it is a common trait in people to believe that a person is merely what one sees them as seen through one's eyes. Sometimes, sometimes, thats not really the case. Sometimes, people show a different side of them in life so that others may pass through it with a smile etched on their faces and their days brighter. Sometimes, what they show isn't the only side they have, just one they feel is a nicer side that the world should see, often. But sometimes, people forget this. Its a form of ignorance I guess, to view another only through one vantage point. As unfair as it is, it is somewhat inevitable that this occurs and we must just accept it. However, when faced with such ignorance straight in the face, it does cause one to twinge a little inside. A tiny twinge that can and eventually will grow to become something... unpleasant? With such a stereotypical view that has been cemented in that person's head, it is undeniably hard to change it, hence to show one's other sides would be pointless. Ultimately, we all know ourselves best and the different facets that form our 'self'' albeit it does cause one to question the outcome should one do try to show one's other side, as failure is assured if no attempt is made, yes? It is as expected, sadly. Thankfully, as all things unpleasant within me, it can be extinguished easily or be buried further in the recesses of the seemingly endless glass bottle labelled emotions. Seemingly endless, if only. Sometimes, I wonder, when will it fill to the brim, and what happens then?
Lets not ponder.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Recently I've been having very strange dreams, very strange.
Sometimes, things that have never crossed my mind, consciously that is, would be depicted clearly in my head,
leaving a whole trail of confusion and questioning in my mind. Other times, I am at very strange places, though with people I know, whose presence by itself holds a significant meaning, albeit a hidden one. The most strangest of dreams that I have however are of dreams within dreams. Of waking up to reality while dreaming, as the movie Inception had so cleverly executed.
These dreams, they're so vivid. Sprout from within me yet I do not understand.
They hold multiple meanings, so quizzical.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I don't get angry very easily, but sometimes, somethings just really tick me off. I've taken years to control and purge anger out of my system, cause personally, I think its unhealthy. But man oh man, when I do get angry, even I wonder how I'm capable of being that angry. Maybe its gotta do with th fact that I'm the kind of person to bottle my emotions up and just keep it in there, ignoring all the pressure thats building up. But thats just me, can't help it eh? Theres a very huge difference between getting pissed/irritated/annoyed/flustered/frustrated and angry, really. Nonetheless, there are always ways to vent it out without actually expressing it in the form of anger and thats what I will do. Pent up anger is not good for me either way.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Every time I go there, I feel refreshed when I'm back. A rejuvenating process that never fails to open my eyes to things I've previously been blind to, to clarify and cement the matters floating around in my head and of course, to just leave me hanging in limbo, jaws hanging in astonishment or mind jumbled up with a major conundrum. The last one comes without saying. Nonetheless, its still a good feeling. Its like suddenly realizing (again) how we're so small as an individual in a really huge world, or worlds I might add. Admittedly, these trips have affected me in more ways than one, and I gladly embrace the changes that follow. Sometimes, we need moments to slow down a little, get blown away by something, in the positive sense, and collect our thoughts, like a child with puzzle pieces? Everyone has their own way of experiencing this, and mine are these trips. I really hope that when I grow up, I will not be swept away by the buzz of life here in Singapore and forget the places where I've been since I was little, and remember how to get there and visit. Mm, it would be a terrible terrible waste if I do, a terrible waste.
.... ... . . .. .. . .. . .. .. ... .. .. . ... . .. . .. . .. ... .. . . . ... . . . .. .. .. ..
I had written a huge chunk of words to explain how I'm feeling. And it just disappeared. Just not meant to be told I guess
-
Four values I aspire to attain
To be truthful in my words, actions and purpose.
To be completely sincere in everything, and not act in self-interest, no matter what.
To be one that opens the way for others.
To be one that is fair in judgement and to everyone.
Yeah, whenever I think about it, whoa, sure sounds difficult. But as I've been told, nothing is difficult, its just us making it seem difficult. So yeah, here goes~
Thursday, July 22, 2010
By the Time, verily, Man is in loss.
Except for those who believe, and do righteous good deeds,
and invites one another to the Truth, and invites one another to the patience.
Patience my friend, you are the key to victory.
Tolerance is our greatest strength,
and vengeance is the first sign of weakness.
Still our hearts and think with clarity,
but what the heart wishes, it cannot be denied.
Look beyond the clouds, with feet firmly on the ground.
Be thankful for what is provided and wish not for more.
Its a simple rule we live by, if we can have more,
if we deserve more, we will get more.
What it is, that is the question.
That which has been given, do not pass it on.
Speak not of it and be silent.
Except for those who believe, and do righteous good deeds,
and invites one another to the Truth, and invites one another to the patience.
Patience my friend, you are the key to victory.
Tolerance is our greatest strength,
and vengeance is the first sign of weakness.
Still our hearts and think with clarity,
but what the heart wishes, it cannot be denied.
Look beyond the clouds, with feet firmly on the ground.
Be thankful for what is provided and wish not for more.
Its a simple rule we live by, if we can have more,
if we deserve more, we will get more.
What it is, that is the question.
That which has been given, do not pass it on.
Speak not of it and be silent.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Things to be happy about:
Delicious food
Warm blankets
Presences of loved ones
Good music
Drawing random stuff
Improvements in results
Waking up at 12
Work done
... And many more.
.... ... . ... ... . . .... .. ... . ... .. . .. .. . ... .. . .. .. .. . . ... .. .. .. .. . .
Product of Good ice cream and weird person.
The cupboard.
Delicious food
Warm blankets
Presences of loved ones
Good music
Drawing random stuff
Improvements in results
Waking up at 12
Work done
... And many more.
.... ... . ... ... . . .... .. ... . ... .. . .. .. . ... .. . .. .. .. . . ... .. .. .. .. . .
Every once in a while, I discover new places to sate my hunger for food and design, and yesterday, I found one! One Scoop of Art hiding within Marine Parade Library. Anwar brought me there with promises of delicious ice cream after Friday prayers, obviously I'd tag along, like c'mon, who would reject an offer of delicious ice cream, right? And damn was he right! The gelato flavours are what you'd expect, dark chocolate, oreo, butterscotch and brownies and such, but wow, they sure taste different! Maybe you can say that I possibly have limited taste, but I sure know my chocolate flavours man. And this ones goooood. However, the thing about this place that catches my eye the most is the design. The floors cemented but has gigantic swirls of ice cream from the entrance on. The contrast of colours with the dark grey of the cement is somehow visually appealing, you know? Apart from that, wherever you look, they're art pieces being hung or pasted around the shop, pieces of art made by patrons (including mine!) which ranges from canvas paintings, drawings, and paintings. Their cupboards are pure white with drawings of cute things done by marker that is so random its just eye-catching! Lastly, they have a good portion of the area thats like meant for people to enjoy their food while drawing/painting! Its like the perfect place to just whine down after a day for people like me man, can just enjoy some good food and draw some random stuff and go. Whoo!
Product of Good ice cream and weird person.
The cupboard.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Well, obviously by now its all over the news, Spain's glorious victory over the Dutch early this morning, marking the end of the World Cup. A period of 6 weeks where all soccer fans compromised on sleep and much activities, to catch on THE biggest competition in the world. Despite the fact that I have only slept an hour or so this morning, its completely worth it. Just looking at the image above and recalling the adrenaline pumping through my veins when they won, it just gives me the shivers! The glory they achieved, together as a team, soldiering on through all the matches, never giving up and always giving their best, all because they know what they want, and the sacrifices necessary. In the end, its all smiles for the winners. All smiles and tears. Beautiful man... It's probably the few occasions where the sight of men kissing other men in celebration, is normal and adored! Obviously theres a link here, I guess watching Spain's victory inspires me, to keep on going. Cause in the end, we'll all be smiling when we do our best, and receive what we deserve, those dastardly evasive As in our report slip, YEAH! Till then ...
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Hello.
Its surprising that despite the fact that we're midway through JCTs, I'm here blogging, but thats exactly why I'm here, its halfway done! Wait, no, its more than halfway done! 2 H2s down, GPs down, leaving only Maths and 2/3 of Chem, mm, still, doesn't give a reason to slack, but oh well, I feel I've studied enough for the night anyway.
Change does not occur passively, indeed, for it to occur, we must put in effort. And thats exactly what I've done. I've possibly studied more during the past June holidays than I ever have, and all because I would like to see results. I've always been the kind to depend on my mere intellect and possibly fragments of studying here and there to cope with my studies, but this year, it must be different. Now, we must really start to excel, and that my friends, take lots of effort and much sacrifices. Looking at the far-reaching consequences of A's, I'm sure we're all ready to do just that. But at last, the greatest of fears arise when much has been invested. As Clement said, he's feeling extra scared this time round cause he knows, this time, he did put in more effort. And as much as we all want results, sometimes, shit happens. I concur it is a justified fear, but come to think of it, we will never know till we try, yes? As Einstein had said, 'The mind, once expanded, will never revert back to its original dimensions.' I read that in primary five and it has always been a strong motivation for me to always keep on pushing the limits of my mind. Whats there to lose anyway? This is, the last hurdle, one which is one the most importance, in my opinion. Why? Because from this point on, our lives will finally play out, when we finally become adults and take control of our lives, and as much as we hate to admit it, education is vital, so yea, here we are, toiling our guts out so that we may have better lives ahead, and even then, it is not assured. Comical, undeniable, reality. Thankfully, I have no problems with studying, man, sounds so retarded, but I actually like to study. Study, not mug at night with eyelids drooping and stomach rumbling, I prefer, and only do, study when I'm feeling good, fortunately thats almost every time, except for th stomach part, thats, a bit hard yea...
On another note, the day has finally arrived (and past without me being there, unfortunately) when my brother finally shaved his head bald and disappears for enlistment! The first of the family, how exciting! I sound like a child, but this is truly a riveting experience for me. MY brother, going for NATIONAL SERVICE. Doesn't get anymore personal than this! I really hope it'll be some sort of life-changing for him, cause well, he's truly a lazy person. So yea, I'm looking forward to when he comes back, all dark and bald, lol. Undeniably, I do miss his presence, always checking up on me when I'm not home, asking me where I am, his hogging of the computer and beside me in the bed, HAHA!
My sanctuary, a place where I learn that which cannot be taught anywhere else or by anyone else, where time stays still and life comes to a pause, filled with people whose names glow in the dark, yet remain in shadows, enlightening. All seem to fizzle out from insignificance. Peace and tranquility, and much learning, much of it...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Eminem's Lose Yourself & Till I Collapse
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
Cause sometimes you just feel tired.
You feel weak and when you feel weak you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse
You feel weak and when you feel weak you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse
Saturday, June 19, 2010
After watching a few hindustani movies, which were th kind of movies that I grew up to, I realize that it has actually influenced me greatly in how I am as a person. In the traditional movies, th stories were usually about love, which is typical of a hindustani movie, but it also explores the traditions of family, morals and values, especially that of respect and honour.
Recently, to relieve myself of stress from studying so intensively, I managed to watch four hindustani movies and mind you they're all close to three hours long. (My Name Is Khan, Rab Ni Bana De Jodi, Munna Bhai and Munna Bhai 2) Makes me wonder how I even manage to watch them. But anyway, as I've said earlier, each of them explored similar branches of life. Surprisingly, I found myself able to associate closely with the characters in each movie, which enhanced the movie experience to the point that I teared in all of them. There were sad movies. Wait, no. Sad is a sweeping statement. Each movie had a general storyline where the main dude is basically a nice guy, but as always theres always a flaw in them, be it them suffering from autism, being a geek or even a don. So they're nice guys and yet shit gets thrown at them, y'know? But the beautiful thing about these movies are the little things that they do and portray, showing them overcome their struggles and win over someone's love or respect.
Life Lessons learnt from Hindustani movies:
1) Patience is a virtue. Life may seem unfair when you look at it closely, but take a step back and you will see, for everything, there is a reason. Just needs a little time and perseverance to understand.
2) Respect others and eventually they will respect you. Eventually. Tied to the first point, earning respect takes time, but it is a worthwhile effort, one that brings much ease in the future.
3) Love may not necessarily be clear. Love for one may not be explicitly displayed, but human beings have different ways of expressing their feelings. The sweet words whispered by a lover or the scoldings from a father, there are but one and the same.
4) Always keep to one's words and be honest. It is a easier to tell th truth and seek understanding than to lie and always keep lying. Holding back the truth may hurt in the long run.
5) Family ties and strong friendships are things that may get damaged, but it will never break, as long as it is sincere and based on truth.
6) Material wealth is not everything. Sometimes, the most valuable of life treasures are not bought with money nor are they pegged a monetary value.
7) Always do the right thing, even if everyone else isn't.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Oh well, here it is again.
But wait, theres a twist.
Not a twist, but rather a slight addition of weight.
No longer just another exam, for now, it holds a measure.
To indicate,
To indicate whether we're ready to take this seriously,
whether we can prioritize and realize what is important,
and whether we are prepared, prepared to give it our all.
Albeit, not an accurate one, but it IS still a measure, yes.
Hmm, such dark times we live in, currently.
All the stress, it has been piling,
on all of us, thats for sure.
Step 1 : Take a deep breath.
Step 2 : Let that shiver run down your spine.
Step 3 : DON'T LOOK AT THE CALENDAR.
Step 4 : Clear your head, and let go off all the unnecessary distractions
Step 5 : Focus and do the shit that needs to be done.
Calvin describes this as a marathon,
and a marathon it is indeed.
We're all competing, but hey, who said we can't help each other out yea?
Allez guys,
The important thing to do right now is to keep on going, to keep on pushing,
no matter how slow.
Every time it gets close to a major exam, I blog about it.
But wait, theres a twist.
Not a twist, but rather a slight addition of weight.
No longer just another exam, for now, it holds a measure.
To indicate,
To indicate whether we're ready to take this seriously,
whether we can prioritize and realize what is important,
and whether we are prepared, prepared to give it our all.
Albeit, not an accurate one, but it IS still a measure, yes.
Hmm, such dark times we live in, currently.
All the stress, it has been piling,
on all of us, thats for sure.
Step 1 : Take a deep breath.
Step 2 : Let that shiver run down your spine.
Step 3 : DON'T LOOK AT THE CALENDAR.
Step 4 : Clear your head, and let go off all the unnecessary distractions
Step 5 : Focus and do the shit that needs to be done.
Calvin describes this as a marathon,
and a marathon it is indeed.
We're all competing, but hey, who said we can't help each other out yea?
Allez guys,
The important thing to do right now is to keep on going, to keep on pushing,
no matter how slow.
... .. ... . . ... . . . .. .. .. ... .. .... .. ... ... . . . .. ... . . .. . .. .. .
Every time it gets close to a major exam, I blog about it.
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