Somewhere only we know

2012-01-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

This concern they have for me, I wonder why. I guess its natural for them to 'watch out' for me, but they are blissfully unaware of what goes on in there, in the mind and in the heart. With heart in throat, I assess their choices, their reasoning, the outcome. I guess its natural for them to think as such, their thoughts in the same general direction. I am not invincible, for all that I do, I am merely human, and humans feel. I deny my emotions, yes, I deny my heart. They say to take care of my own, but I deny it. It cannot be. I have trained, yes, consciously trained, with time and effort, to still the emotional swirl that exists in the heart. No, that is wrong, indeed. I have trained rather to not let the emotional swirl to affect me. To rise above this human nature. It is unnatural, but I go down this path for my own sake. Heck, the ones that I show are the ones that most easily understood, happiness and anger. Why? Because I see no point in the rest, think and it will be clear to you as it became clear to me. But it seems that I've grown complacent, maybe. Their words, they slither and plant themselves in my mind, be it firmly or loosely, it doesn't matter. I grow weary of thinking, for years, I have thought so much, thinking it is the wise thing to do, but alas, I have learnt, to think, that will only work so much. Sometimes, we must let it play out, things will happen as they do, if they don't, there is only one to blame. Relent and accept. Listen to the heart, ignore the ever on-going conflict between the heart and the mind. Simple, but oh so difficult. People think too much. I try not to, but inevitably, people think for me and here I am, in this predicament that I have sought to evade. Why oh why. Heart in throat, I consider and weigh out. Even then, I listen to the most subtle of messages of my heart. Why? Because that is the correct way.

I seek from You as others do,

for clarity of thought,

of the mind

and of the heart.

For I am lost without You.

2012-01-16T08:23:00.000-08:00

They say, in time, all shall be revealed.
Thinking is and will always take too much effort.
Sometimes, what we seek, what we want, what we have, is not what we need.
So what then gives us what we need, and how?
A better question yet, how do we know what we need?
With so many things presented to us, sometimes, thinking merely hinders the process.
One moment, one insight, is all we need.
We can only supplicate and hope we know.
With enough conviction and faith, it will come to us, one way or another.

... .. . . .. . .. . .. . .. .. .. ... . . .. . . . . .. .. . .. ... .. ... .. . . . . .. ... . . . ... . . . .. . .. .. .

I hear my heart pounding in my chest,
blood rushing through my veins,
skin sheening with beads of perspiration.

My head hurts,
My heart hurts,
but it is all okay.

Cos for a moment, one moment,
in a day of 24 hours, 86 400s,
I stop thinking, and all is fine.

All that I feel is me,
aware of my existence,
the world stops, I am alive.

I feel small, oh so small.
All that I am, a mere gift.
My breath, my life.

My mind is at peace,
my heart is at peace,
and all is fine.
___________________________

2011-11-06T01:20:00.000-07:00

It seems like an eternity since I last wrote down my thoughts here, ho dayum.

There is no point in trying to fill up the gaps in time for it has been too long and this would be a terribly wordy and lengthy post! Instead, I shall, as I always have, write whatever that pops into my head.

It seems that as the days go by, be it those with many things to do or those where I just laze around, I am slowly and definitely changing. To what, I am not exactly sure, but how, I think I have a better clue. As to whether it is good or bad, that.. is entirely subjective. In my opinion, it seems like the change that I've always known will come. As the way things are in the world, there are pros and cons. The cons have surfaced and they are evidently cons, the emotions they stir in others, the actions that entails, the talk, the silence, and most importantly, the lack of such within me. With that, I have stated what I deem to be a pro that comes with this not-very-slight paradigm shift that I have adopted. Essentially, that is the change.

To say that I have lots to say, is a lie. But I do have plenty of thoughts. Very plenty.

2011-07-01T13:34:00.000-07:00

For someone who has schooled his facial expression to not show much emotion, I seem to have lost this ability, and frankly, I'm quite disappointed in myself for that. I rarely show other emotions apart from happiness, but it seems that nowadays, there are others like disappointment, sadness, anger and jealousy, or whatever. I deem them unnecessary, as if they're excess baggage, not to me, but to others. I don't fully understand why but yeah, I just think like that. Now, whenever I feel other emotions apart from happiness, it seems as if it would just appear on my face and people would worry or start wondering why. I'm not that a retard to keep all of them to myself, there are a select few of which I pour out my emotions to, but it seems now that even a passer-by may see it. This frustrates me. Its not that I mean to portray a stoic appearance or anything of that sort, I just don't like to. By nature, I don't like to burden people, so maybe that has a part to play in this peculiar mindset of mine. Furthermore, myself being a person that expresses myself more comfortably in words, I realize that sometimes, there is a dilemma of sorts in truly expressing myself, a clash between whether I want whoever I'm speaking to to get what I think or feel, or to just keep it to myself and not bother the person. The core of this dilemma lies in the fact that I want this person to get me, without making it too obvious. Its true, I'm a difficult person sometimes, I layer my words with words and eventually, it all gets lost, but yeah, that is me. Looking at this whole thing now, I realize that it is a minute issue, but oh well, I have to say something, no matter how insignificant it is or nonsensical. Goodnight.

2011-05-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

15 weeks, that's 105 days. I had to use a calculator to find that out, that can only mean one thing, its a large number. HUNDRED AND FIVE DAYS. That's how long I've been with my mates, NS 01, from day one to POP. Indeed it has been a roller coaster ride for all of me, for all of us, with all the squabbles we had, all the laughter we shared, all the grueling hours of training we endured together... Strong bonds were forged with these 33 people, especially so for the nine who stayed in the same bunk as me. Damn, its getting emotional over here. For all the times of us complaining for time to go by faster, when I look back now, I wish it could be slowed down more. Upon our passing out, I doubt I could meet up with all of them, I think i'll be lucky if I even manage to meet up with those I'm close to! Although last Friday was a joyous occasion for all of us, deep inside me, behind all the smiles and laughter, a small part of me was tearing slightly. Really. Although we have only known each other for a relatively short time, I am proud to say that some of these people are really some of the best people I've met, a real embodiment of the term friend. I can't really describe how I feel when I think of them, the friendship we have, maybe because my literary skills have taken a beating from such a long hiatus, but I can assure you that it is sincere and true. Damn, I will miss them crazy people. I'm a sucker for goodbyes.

2011-05-09T06:14:00.000-07:00

To be so near, yet so far.
Present, but not available.
To yearn for presence, only to be saddened by absence.
Succumbing to circumstantial conditions that just, inhibits.
This sinking feeling of sadness, so long have I not felt your chilling touch.
Th gagging in the throat, a rise in temperature, eyes feeling teary and hot.
A long blink, and vision is blurred by minute tears.
Th agonizing sensation that overwhelms the heart.
Th slow deep breaths that ensue, with much deliberation.
A tremble from deep within, ending with shivers all along.

Oh how I miss you so.

2011-04-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

In camp, we have this monthly talk for Muslims by this dude. A simple guy, who used to be in police too, just like us, middle-aged and slightly round. However, what is most unique and worthy of mention regarding this guy is that he chose to pursue a life of religious pursuits, both in academics and lifestyle, a rare sight in todays society of materialism and whatnot. His purpose is to simply guide us back to th path, should we have strayed from it, or to strengthen th faith of others. He tells us of stories and experiences he had, simple ones, heavily founded on morals yet strongly linked to Islam. One can always say that good morals and such are attributes of most religions, yet he is somehow able to discern and distinguish between Islam and other religions, through his in-depth knowledge as well as memorization of particular verses from the Al-Quran that just seems to fit each and every topic touched or question raised by any of us. I've heard many people preach about Islam, yet he is subtly but profoundly different from the rest of them. His words, which may be spoken out of humour even, are able to strike a cord in me. When others are laughing or dozing off, I am found listening very closely to them. Like a masterful artist, he is able to blend humour and lessons into a single form where it is both appealing yet holds a much greater meaning to it. Be it that he is a simple or great man, what matters is that he is beautiful in the inside, and i am truly grateful to God for allowing my life to be touched by this man. Just needed to express my gratitude. Alas, all is takes is a single drop to cause ripples throughout a whole pond.

2011-03-25T22:48:00.001-07:00

my personal statement, I don't know how to feel about it. its supposed to highlight my academic interest and intellectual capacity. OH WELL.

In the 2nd year of Junior College, I was involved heavily in many sports competitions, 2 at national levels, the National Schools Sports Climbing Competition (NSSCC) in 2010 and the National A Divisions Cross Country as well as 4 others that are recognized locally and internationally. As such, much of my time after curriculum hours as well as weekends are spent at school trainings and personal training. Albeit, the sacrifice I made was worth it as I managed to emerge as champion for one of the 4 competitions, namely Pumpfest 2010 as well as the silver award for speed team and Overall Best School in NSSCC 2010.

I have always been and always will be, a devoted sportsmen, yet I am also one that prides myself in my academics. Throughout the year, I was stretched for time while balancing academics and sports. However, being in my final year where opportunities for competing were dwindling, I made a risky decision to prioritize competitions for the first half of the year and believe in my intellectual capacity as well as passion for academics to drive me for the extremely vital second half where exams and much stress would come upon me. I am passionate for Biology and despite that decision, I made it a resolution to ensure that my Biology grades remain at least a B and I am proud to say that I fulfilled that resolution. Most of my teachers saw it as an unweighted decision on my part and decided to let me be. Knowing myself to be a high calibre student, I chose not to let their disapproval affect me. However, they were a handful who had faith in me. They believed I knew what I was doing and this simple gesture was what drove me during the difficult times.

It was during the A levels results day that I was able to prove to many of my teachers otherwise by doing exceptionally well for my A levels by getting 6 Distinctions. Given my passion and perseverance, I strongly believe that if i were given the right opportunities, I would be able to harness my potential and excel.

Life.

2011-03-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

There are some people in this world, whom whenever you meet them, or even just intend to meet them, will make you realize what kind of person you are, all the deeds you've done, be it the good, or the bad, and just open your eyes to see who you are. A strange feeling overwhelms me whenever I meet such people, suddenly, I feel ashamed, for whoever I will meet, these people, they are the best of people, not in appearance or status, but of character, be it kindness, patience, or tolerance and here I am, someone who clearly knows that sometimes, what I do is wrong, and yet, continue to do so. I feel dirty, impure, contaminated with whatever the world has tempted me with. Then I ponder on more than the world, about Death and the Afterlife. How, how can I meet with my Creator, when even with the people whom he has blessed I am already ashamed to meet?

Heart in throat, thats what I felt. I am grateful that I am able to have such experiences, happy to say that I have to capacity to realize such things and a simple wish that I will better myself with each experience.

2011-02-18T08:26:00.000-08:00

MAN, you really only know the value of some things only till you lose it, like th comfort of your bed, th comfort of waking up late during th day, th comfort of hot showers and even th simple comfort of good tasting Milo that i've been served all my life! As you can already deduce, my life has taken a rather drastic renovation, widely known to all male Singaporeans above th age of 18 as NATIONAL SERVICE. I am now bald, black, and definitely getting fitter, and I'm not complaining, its a breath of fresh air that I like actually. I've only served a mere 10 days out of th one YEAR and ten MONTHS I owe the nation and already I sense a difference in me.

Th 10 days have had a profound impact in me, despite its short duration, I have forged a strong bond with my squad, relinquishing the individualistic feelings we have and attaining a more rewarding 'we' instead of 'me', and especially so with my bunkmates with whom I will be staying with for at least 3 months. They're a bunch of cool people I tell you, sometimes we share moments where only we get it, and damn, its really mind-numbingly funny. The 10 of us, 7 of which are Malay and 3 others being Chinese, HAHA! These 10 days is our confinement week in which as th name states, we're confined for 10 days straight, unable to book out during weekends, supposedly a rather tough time, hah. And true that, we did get a lot of drilling, scolding, punishments and pumping, emotions were high on some occasions but we always had to remind ourselves that we must always think as a group and things would settle down, more or less. One for all, all for one, simple rule, live by it and its all good, or all bad, choose one. Thankfully most of my squad mates are cooperative and believe in being a single unit, so its all good! Another thing from th 10 days is th experience of communal living, damn its a good feeling! Wake up every morning you pass by your 'neighbours' and we all still in mid slumber, eyes half open make our way slowly to the toilet to wash/freshen up, that is until someone shouts 'HURRY UP ITS ALMOST TIME!' then as if by magic, you see everyone rushing around, as if time was fast forwarded to twice its normal speed and BOOMZ! We're all in our formation awaiting instructions, and thats how a typical day begins, at 5am. Then later at night, you see us in our shorts with slippers and a singlet on, walking around, cleaning our bunks, or on th floors polishing our boots or just resting and talking rubbish with each other. Time slows down at night, its a good way to wind down! Yeah, I can get used to this for awhile more... And then theres th singing while we're bathing, its like a mini Singapore Idol between th cubicles I tell you! Haha! Thankfully, theres 2 of us that can sing, so its quite nice sometimes, before everyone joins in, and just becomes a din. What goes on in between these two occurences are too various to say, but I have essentially summarized it by saying that its always a 'we' and not 'me' and that takes shape in many forms, during our drills, during PT, during lessons and even when we're just sitting down doing nothing awaiting instructions. Magic word : Discipline.

Alright, Ima sleep now.

2011-01-31T10:54:00.000-08:00

I was having a conversation with someone.

They say you should love God, but before you love anything, you must KNOW about that thing, right? Know what are the qualities of that thing that make you love that thing. And before THAT, you must know yourself, know what are the things that you love, so that you may find it somewhere else. So here I am, wondering, in the wee hours of the night, typing away my thoughts as they come, sometimes like a crawl through the mud, slow and arduous, full of effort, others as effortlessly as water flowing. Do I know myself? Thats a question I've always pondered time and again. It may sound absurd but personally, I think its a very important question. You gotta know yourself so that when you decide on something, you are fully away of your undertaking of whatever you chose. I talk, a lot. However, whenever I'm silent, I realize my thoughts are always swirling around a few significant things, and the many branches that are linked to them, namely Life, Death and God. Theres a saying that goes something along the lines of 'A person is truly himself when he is alone.'

I am drowning my thoughts in music, my eyes are closed and the music swallows me whole. This is a good feeling.

2011-01-18T22:27:00.000-08:00

I am small, on a tricycle, cycling around th carpark in th dark of night, all alone, strangely unafraid as I discover strange things at every corner, a shadow trailing me as I meander through all th corners.

I am medium, walking on a crowded street, looking for something I didn't know, just pushing through th crowd, and finally found it, my brother and father, by this shop, looking at a single man in blue shirt, big, black and bald, yet somehow familiar. My dad's excited, saying 'its him! its him!' He turns, and he smiles, his eyes a glint that is so familiar it immediately connects. A sigh of relief and we just watch as he disappears into th crowd, his size an illusion in this fog of life. My wallet slips out and a single coin rolls out awkwardly on th floor, suddenly an empty circle, I pick it up.

I am large, in a crowded mosque, taking off my shoes and taking ablution when I suddenly realized I'm just wearing shorts. Weird, I clearly remembered wearing long pants, and I start to search for it, but is unable to find it. I panic and call out to my friends. Suddenly, we're in taxi and I'm wearing long pants, there is a lady, a mother of one of my friends, th taxi driver makes a turn and we wonder where we're going. He points out this mosque, not th one we're from and we just accept it. Th mosque reverberates a strange vibe, I knew theres something wrong, I recognize the mosque, and asks my friend if I'm right, I am. Its a strange mosque, but we had to attend prayers which was starting soon, and we just went ahead. The taxi driver parks th taxi in front of an alley, with an archway which was strangely ancient with mold and signs of erosion, and under a large shadow which is from an unknown source.

Then I woke up. Tiring.
Seemingly a random dream, but these kinda long and vivid dreams usually aren't. Somewhere in that mess, is a message for me, for something I've done.

2011-01-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, the lips do not speak what the mind intends to convey, what more our actions, which are open to more interpretation and along the way, may be distorted and perceived in a different light that the true intentions are completely lost? Yet, how else can we communicate with others? I've always tried to convey my thoughts as clearly as possible, with words and actions, from intonation to gestures, but as always, and inevitably, things don't go as planned. People misinterpret and get upset or hurt. Truly, it is never my intention to hurt, maybe to joke around and tease, but never hurt. I would know as I am, as reluctantly as I am to admit, somewhat sensitive to the words of others, even those whom I am close to and thus know their manners and character. I realized that I've become a quieter person these days, in hopes that the silence will discipline my lips and really think before I speak, as in th past, I am very sure that my words have often been said with half a thought and had hurt many others and I am truly sorry for that. Although I'm trying to speak less, its rather obvious that I still have lots to say, and I understand when people don't understand what I say, cause I agree, I tend to murmur and slur my speech, oh well. Words are really such a blunt tool of communication, especially verbal speech. It ticks me when people don't get what I say, not in the sense that my words are slurred or anything, but rather they don't get what I'm trying to convey or mean to say, even when I structure my sentence as clearly as possible and speak coherently. Don't mind me, I'm just rambling, its how I settle my thoughts apart from drawing seemingly random things.

I have set up a high mental barrier to shield my emotions, from past experiences, I've learnt that giving my heart to another is a hurtful experience especially if the people given such a thing are not honourable in their words or true at heart. I pride myself in being able to read the expressions and words of people to somehow see through them, however, love does weird things to you. I am a person who truly respects honesty and although time and again, others has hurt me through facades and deceit, I am still willing to give you a chance to bear my heart which I readily give, however, the question lies in whether you accept it in full honesty. It is hard for me to admit this but, as inevitable as it, the past does indeed affect me and I am afraid that it will haunt me once more. Like an insecure boy, all I seek is confirmation and promise, but although it sounds simple, I know its a difficult demand to fulfill. I am a person who does things out of sincerity and it is with sincerity that I give away my heart, have no fear, I will guard yours as it were mine, but please do the same for me.

2011-01-09T23:11:00.000-08:00

imagine a clock, the gears turning and meeting each teeth of another gear in a smooth orchestrated motion, fluid and elegant, yeah, mind used to be like that, but now, as I observe it, its getting rusty, with loud, dragging noises as they creak about their axles. Our minds like a muscle, it needs constant use to remain at its optimum level, leave it unused for long times and it will be like losing your memory, everything's just about out of reach or takes a lot longer to process. Damn, if this is gonna continue, i'm gonna lose a lot of IQ points when I go NS. Haii...

On another note, WHOOOOO, can't wait for my enlistment date! okay, hold on a minute, i'm not really THAT excited, but yknow, still is? cause its a new chapter of my life, with new people, a completely new experience, and obviously one that would greatly mature me, hopefully, HAHA! Its like th feeling you get while you're waiting in line for your turn to climb during a competition yknow, th lukewarm feeling, accompanied by the jittery nerves and excitement, yeah, that. and of course, ze money. looking forward to some sort of financial independence yea, hate asking my parents for money to go out or buy stuff, with a small albeit stable income, can lay off th burden abit yea, so its all good...

2010-12-14T09:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not feeling pensive in any way, but just wanna update regarding matters of late.

Okay, so lets rewind a bit. Prom Night. Man, that was an epic night. Met with them gay climbers at our hotel room first to prepare, lol that was funny. Every one of us was good-looking, as always. Then we proceeded to the hotel and BAM! Like system shock sia, since when TJC got so many good-looking people?! HAH. So yeah, then badabing badaboom, end of prom stuff, a hell lot of photos, shit got tired of smiling, but it was such a happy event so its okay, and we're off to post-prom with the climbers! HAHAHAHAHA shit must not be told, so nuh-uh. But I sure can tell you it was hilarious x)

Hmm, okay lets see whats next. Oh yeah, Clements Birthday Party. HAHA Shit that was epic. But only for th later parts, at first they were many people and since everyones not really close to everyone, it was quite divided, then as the night went by, people left and the people whos left are th ones that know each other more and hence more comfortable with each other, hence leading to stupid shit conversations and mocking/jokes, take for example me being called BoobBoy. Met a couple of new people, made new friends, like the gayboy Minron from HCI, who so blatantly blamed me for corrupting him in just one night, and became closer to others, it was actually an opportunity to like catch up with people who've been missing throughout A's, namely Natesha the jewbear. LOL.

Joyce's birthdays chalets next! Hahaha it was a short chalet, didnt last the whole night like clements but it was still fun nonetheless. Actually during th chalet i realized my class is a bit retarded in their own unique way, which i find endearing.

So yeahh, thats about all th happenings that happened?
Shit i think im getting high, like those stoned high, not th hyperactive high. everything seems distant, the musics just floating around and yeah...

2010-12-02T19:51:00.000-08:00

this a glorious morning people.
WHY? Cause, as thousands across Singapore have probably already screamed at th top of their lungs or silently whispered to their hearts, that A levels, is FINALLY, OFFICIALLY, over. Yes, yes, I am indeed late regarding this 'update' but I choose to only do it when it is really really over, y'know, when th last paper is done. Looking back now, it only lasted for FOUR measly weeks, but it sure felt longer, more like a month. Yeah, saying it differently has different effects on me, I'm weird like that. 2 years have passed and now we're back here in the bubble of emptiness, okay not for those IP/TA people, they have yet to experience such sensations.

Yet, in all the celebration amidst us, I would like to thank whomever that have supported and pushed me on yeah? The first is always Him and that goes without saying, secondly to my little sister, who witnessed me in all my agony as I came as close to cracking as I have ever been and through a simple post-it note on my mirror, managed to give me the drive to carry on, it read 'Mat, you've gone too far to stop now! Rmb, it is you who takes away your own confidence. Ingat dia je (Just remember Him), CHEMON LEE!'. A simple message to remind me that no matter all the words of encouragement spoken to you, it still boils down to your own desire to achieve. So here it is, thank you little sister. Thirdly, to my mother and father, who despite her cluelessness regarding the rigour and significance of JC life, have always given faith to me to always look at th positive side of things, to always have your hopes high and only speak of the good things and to my dad, for being the silent disciplinarian in the family, always hoping the best out of me yet never saying it, but its okay, your little contributions may seem invisible to others but not me, I see the little things you do behind my back to provide support, from simple acts of not watching your favourite soccer match cause you know it'll be noisy for me to sending me to school ( and failing to do so cause he sent me to me secondary school! ). Thank you mom and dad, I am eternally grateful for your deeds. And LASTLY, to all of you gay people who've shared th same boat throughout this journey, th times spent groaning and lamenting regarding A's, th times spent wondering what happens after As with eyes bright with hope and enthusiasm, and th times we toiled together in libraries, at homes, under the blocks, at the bustops, in th buses, at the Expo, at school, uniting our drive to support each other, Thank you my friends.

Strangely, th small and soft consolation I whisper to my heart, that As is finally over, has a greater effect on me than screaming it out with my all of my lungs as I initially thought.

And to celebrate the end of As, ahh as usual, it is with them gays, you climbers. Nothing beats spending time with you guys man, seriously, for all the nonsensical bullshit we share, underneath all that cock and bull, lies a connection between all of us, and for that, damn I have no words to speak of. Love you guys man, especially th guys, you fags. Such a weird manner of expression huh? Oh well, HAHA! and Of course with Natasha, whom you guys would only recently discover, except for some, yeah. :)

I WILL TOTALLY BE LATE FOR SCHOOL TODAY BUT OH WELL.

just for the feeling yeah;
A's IS OVERRRRR

2010-11-28T08:15:00.000-08:00

Everyone has their flaws, some big some small.
Though sometimes, it really gets in your face and you either just keep it in, or just shoot th person down. I have a strong tendency to just keep it in, y'know, just let it bounce about in my mind, usually it'll die down after awhile, but sometimes, when it occurs too frequently, you just feel like exploding. This is probably one of the reasons why inside i'm a pretty angry kid, but oh well, i'm sure its all safely locked inside, pity the person who unknowingly makes me explode. Furthermore, today something happened and I realized that I'm hardly sad because I channel my sad emotions into anger, and I think thats rather unhealthy, but oh well, thats the way I deal with things yea... Theres no special way of presenting my thoughts today, initially had a draft in my head when I was angry and all, but its all dissipated into nothingness so its just plain words. Mm, I'm tired. Goodbye

2010-11-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

Smiling in the dark

This familiar rumble, of ups and down, and of butterflies,
yet, they are in th wrong place, no, not in my stomach.
Rather, it is in this little heart of mine. Oh th irony.
Like hot ice, this bittersweet feeling envelopes me whole.
I close my eyes, and listen to the beating of my heart,
Th organic morse code machine, sending a message.
Like th first sprout of spring, it will never cease to amaze,
th silence and darkness, right before th fireworks explode into colour.
All rivers take a meandering path, but it will always lead to the sea.
Alas, I have taken a slow meandering journey, and what awaits me?
Surprise, surprise it is as I have foreseen, nonetheless, surprisingly.
Ohh th irony, this familiar rumble, of ups, and downs, and of butterflies,
Is it me, or is it fate, or is it just my luck?

... ... .. .. . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . .. . . .. .. . .

I know, I know, A's is in 6 days!
But who am I to impede?

2010-10-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

Chugga chugga choo chooo!

The days are closing by, rushing by, going in a blur.
The intensity, so fierce, almost creeping into frantic.
Like mindless drones, we study till our brains well up.
Now and then, doubt fills our head and dark clouds hang by.
Everyone needs a reminder once in awhile, hang on, hang on!
Like a marathon, THIS is the final lap, will you give up?
Alas, as the saying goes, the night is darkest before dawn.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and dive in,
cause we're all there with you too.

2010-10-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

Verbal response.

It seems that I'm always incapable of expressing myself coherently through verbal response.
Its a habit I guess, I speak too fast, always murmuring or slurring my words into one tangled mess.
It does get frustrating sometimes, and I would just not repeat myself, deeming the situation futile, preferring to let the person or persons decipher what I've just spoken. Oh well. I agree it does require some getting used to and not everyone can do it. I do believe that through words, I am much more successful in bringing across my point. It forces me to stop and look at the words I've typed before actually sending it. Though there are moments where no words can describe, but thats a whole different issue right there. But as clear as day, limiting one's expressions to mere words is obviously not a choice and hence, I will put in more effort to slow down my words. It does becomes a chore especially when my mind is on a roll and in order to not lose track of it, it just flows out. Nonetheless, I will try. The benefits are numerable and hence, worthwhile.

SPEAK SLOWLY.

2010-10-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

Like dust in th wind we float by, guided by unseen, uncontrollable forces.
the unknown destination we head for, a constant flux in our minds, ever changing.
what we wish for, what we want, malleable and adaptable, can it be achieved?
Place weight in actions, hold th reins and steer as you wish, and bring change.
Change, as always, only comes through ideas set in motion and effort made.
Alas, the outcome still lies in the fog of Life, so close, yet never in our grasp.
Inevitable. The forces, they remain unseen and uncontrollable, laying th way for us.
After all that can possibly be done, we can only hope and pray, that is as We intended.

2010-10-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

Air dicincang tiada akan putus.

Thats a Malay proverb. Literally, it means that a stream of water, no matter how you slice, will always be flowing. Metaphorically, it means the bond between brothers, no matter the fights and arguments, will always remain. And it is one that I can very much relate to.

If you guys have ever placed me and my brother in a room, and hear us speak, or whatever, you'd probably see us bickering or having a laugh while mocking someone or something like that. And damn, when we bicker, often it would be the both of us shouting at each other followed by harsh silence, then before we know it, al iz well once more. As we grow up, my brother and I, naturally, we are molded through the different experiences that we face in life and as a result, have conflicting views and attitudes regarding some issues. Inevitably, as boys growing up charged with hormones, we fight and argue and sometimes hit each other, but despite all that shit, we will always remember the wise words of our elders and let the dust settle and you know, chill out like normal times, which is every other time when we're not fighting. And the best thing is, its like you know, being brothers, we're equipped with an inborn Bluetooth connection, so even when neither of us speaks during the silence, we know what each other is thinking, and you know, being the mature people we are, we always know who is in the wrong and shit like that, so its like a natural spontaneous forgiving process that occurs invisibly. But obviously being the younger one, it is my nature and also out of respect, that I accept my brother for who he is and you know, accept each other's flaws and stuff cause, yeah, nobody's perfect yeah?

2010-10-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

Its 3am, I wake up and stare at the darkness all around me.
I wonder where I am, and most importantly, why am I here.
No answers come to mind and I just sit there, wondering.
I see familiar faces, we speak and we move, but I don't know to where.
Suddenly apprehension grips me and I suddenly feel that I'm doing something wrong.
I shake off the feeling and focus my thoughts
and then I wake up.

Tiring dream. It was as if I've been awake since the moment I woke up in my dream, which had a negative effect on me throughout the day, feeling stoned all day long. I have to find a way to unravel my thoughts, my dreams are getting too confusing to be interpreted, too strange... A reflection of my thoughts, possibly in liquid silver with ripples all around. Someday, they will stop and hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to understand clearly.

2010-09-25T11:33:00.000-07:00

The Ying and Yang of World Hunger

See, thats th kinda drawings that i wanna make,

at first sight, it seems, well, kinda messed up, sometimes th subjects that make it up seem a bit unlinked, but the more you look at it and observe it, it becomes ever clearer and suddenly, it all dawns upon you, BAM! its a wonderful feeling, to connect the dots between two ideas, and to project it onto paper and infusing creativity into it, while simultaneously bringing across a message, that isn't necessary clear but given time and thought, will be evident to those who lay their minds upon it, mm such a wonderful feeling. And usually, I aim for that in them.

2010-09-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, we bear the heaviest of burdens, th darkest of secrets.

They weigh us down, even th strongest will feel its weight.

In time, we grow stronger and it feels lighter, a relief.

Then we remember, we were just fooling ourselves, it is as heavy as before.

Then come a handful strangers into our life.

Strangers whom you have a sudden deep connection with,

whom through the test of time, of hormonal mood swings and a barrage of arguments,

emerge, as individuals who, through their presence, carry the weight along with you.

Individuals who I am truly, as far as my heart goes, grateful and thankful for.

We speak our wishes in shadows and hushed tones,

yet they somehow hear it out loud and respond,

Not necessarily to fulfill, merely to acknowledge.

When it is too painful to say, they listen, to our hearts

Facial expressions schooled to fool all others,

sometimes betray the inner emotions that bode within.

The comfortable silence that hangs in the atmosphere,

veiling the unspoken conversation between us

Human beings have the innate need to form connections.

Bonds are formed between people undergoing a similar experience,

Strong bonds are formed between people who have undergone the ups and downs,

The strongest of bonds are formed when these bonds are strained,

and however strongly they are pulled, they remain sturdy and through this, become stronger.

'The mind, once stretched beyond its original dimensions, will never revert back to it.'

-Albert Einstein

2010-09-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile since I last written anything so, there won't be any particular direction to my words tonight, just whatever that pops in my head, just gotta write, makes me feel good.

OKAY, well, what a relief, today is over. Truthfully, today was quite a mentally tiring day, with chem in the morning and bio and in the afternoon, even my mind is tired, and that doesn't happen often mind you. Seriously, whoa, it was such a combination bio and chem, but thankfully, it went alright, or so i hope to believe.

Well, I hand it over to You man, I have done what I believe is sufficient, as You have said, change does not come without effort, and truly, I have invested much time and ... yea time, oh yea and sleep, to the enlightenment and sharpening of my mind, But, in the end, it all boils down to Your decision, so here is my plea to You, let me achieve what I seek.

Mm. Quite intense times, but oh well, that is life, or our life here in Singapore, no point blabbering about how its unfair or whatever anyways. But sometimes, you gotta question yourself, why do YOU study? A question with ever-changing answers as you move from one person to another. Sometimes I wonder too, why. Generally, well, its obviously to secure a somewhat stable insurance to a good future, y'know, good job and shit like that. Sometimes, we study, cause we just have to, its the way the world works. Such a bummer.

I've just recently finished watching a movie called '3 Idiots', a Hindi comedy. As the name suggests, it involves three guys and true indeed, they deserve to be called idiots for their crazy antics. But man, this movie really moved me, not in the emotional like crying and all that, just those moments that you experience a sudden epiphany coupled with some emotional but positive surge, you dig? It encompasses around one of the three, a bright student, and oh yea, its about the journey of three friends through their varsity years. This dude, is one of those exceptional people as often depicted in movies, the crazy nice guy who despite all the retarded things he does, is a genius. Typical, I know. However, the thing that made this movie such a moving one for me was the advise he gave to his friends, and how he managed to rub off an aspect of him on his two buddies to the point that it was a life-changing thing for them. The trials that his friends experience, not by him, that really formed the essence of the movie. Such a nice movie.

Somewhere, something isn't working as well, something is getting worse, and damn it brings a foreboding feeling. The fluctuating searing pain, its a sign, something isn't right. But oh well, we shall leave it be, it will settle on its own, hopefully. Maybe its nothing, mm...

I miss fasting, contrary to what people think, I don't find it as a form of entrapment, but rather of release. There is a vibe you get when all this while, you want this and want that, and slowly, it all disappears and you want nothing, like a warm feeling of contentment wraps itself around me when I fast. Its like achieving inner peace in a sense, yeah, that. Mm....

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2010-09-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

The Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence

"This song about the inability for people to communicate with each other, not particularly internationally, but especially emotionally, so that what you see around you are people that are unable to love each other"

-Art Garfunkel

2010-08-31T11:36:00.000-07:00

What we tell ourselves, our minds intoxicated with thought.
The pinprick of light, emerging as we escape into the darkness
of our body succumbing to its human ends, to fatigue and of rest.
The remaining thoughts that emerge, as vivid as they may be before,
strangely forgotten when we wake from our sleep, a distant memory.
Like words at the tip of our tongues, like a sneeze midway through passage,
an incessant, unrelenting tugging as we ponder and inevitably meet with a wall.

Such a subtle yet influential event.

Our minds wander about as it unravels the events and thoughts floating by,
Like an ocean subjected to a storm, in constant flux, and full of chaos.
Pieces of a puzzle that were kept away, suddenly appearing clearly.
Keep calm and let it settle for it is a natural process, like breathing.
Embrace the sensation as peace creeps slowly into us,
The pinprick of light, greeting us with warmth,
silence the mind and be tranquil at heart.

A good sleep heals the mind and mends the body.

2010-08-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

I have a strong affinity to animals, especially cats, and this really jerked some tears to my eyes.

... . .. .. .. . . .. . .. .. .. .. .. ... .. .. .. . . . ... . . ... . . .

Well people, we're really gonna be in one hell of a roller-coaster ride in the weeks to come, Guaranteed plus chop. Sure, it will be tough, that has already been assured. But what matters most is that we persevere and stand strong. The winds will batter us till we will want to drop to our knees, and many at times, we will feel like just giving up, but come on, thats not what we're here for are we? Hold tightly onto the reason why we've held on for so long and it will give us strength to trudge on. Look around and we'll see that everyones facing the same shit we are, and we gotta be there for each other, cause eventually, no matter what others say, only those experiencing the same things as we do will know how it truly feels. Indeed, the night is darkest just before dawn, and when day finally arrives, we will rejoice knowing that we have given our all for what is worth it.

Allez

2010-08-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

Bass, beats and rhythms provide me with some escape and release from the hectic lives we call lives, for now.
They speak my mind and generate momentum, energizing it while simultaneously hypnotizing me with its weaving.

You know, sometimes, at the end of the day when you're all tired and your minds feeling saturated, all you gotta do is just sit down somewhere comfortable, have a friend, and just take a moment to relax, talk and slow down a while. Yea, that works.

Who is my friend?

2010-08-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hello, I've been waiting for so long, for you, just waiting oh-so-patiently for your arrival. In the dark, and in the light, In the rain, and in the sun. From the day you were born, for every breathe you take, I stand so silently, watching you as you age. Every tear your cried, every laughter, I have been there for you, your faithful companion. Sometimes, you do remember me, through reminders all around. The fear in your eyes, why is it there? Are you so attached to this place that you fear my arrival? Be reminded my young friend, this is merely a temporary abode. I will come for you, swiftly, painfully or otherwise, you decide. For no matter what, it is the Inevitable. Till we meet my friend, farewell and may we meet embracing, peace be upon You.

2010-08-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess it is a common trait in people to believe that a person is merely what one sees them as seen through one's eyes. Sometimes, sometimes, thats not really the case. Sometimes, people show a different side of them in life so that others may pass through it with a smile etched on their faces and their days brighter. Sometimes, what they show isn't the only side they have, just one they feel is a nicer side that the world should see, often. But sometimes, people forget this. Its a form of ignorance I guess, to view another only through one vantage point. As unfair as it is, it is somewhat inevitable that this occurs and we must just accept it. However, when faced with such ignorance straight in the face, it does cause one to twinge a little inside. A tiny twinge that can and eventually will grow to become something... unpleasant? With such a stereotypical view that has been cemented in that person's head, it is undeniably hard to change it, hence to show one's other sides would be pointless. Ultimately, we all know ourselves best and the different facets that form our 'self'' albeit it does cause one to question the outcome should one do try to show one's other side, as failure is assured if no attempt is made, yes? It is as expected, sadly. Thankfully, as all things unpleasant within me, it can be extinguished easily or be buried further in the recesses of the seemingly endless glass bottle labelled emotions. Seemingly endless, if only. Sometimes, I wonder, when will it fill to the brim, and what happens then?

Lets not ponder.

2010-08-08T02:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, what we know as the truth isn't really it y'know?

I'm not speaking about the truth being the matter spoken by people

but rather of the truth of the matter that is.

2010-08-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been having very strange dreams, very strange.

Sometimes, things that have never crossed my mind, consciously that is, would be depicted clearly in my head,

leaving a whole trail of confusion and questioning in my mind. Other times, I am at very strange places, though with people I know, whose presence by itself holds a significant meaning, albeit a hidden one. The most strangest of dreams that I have however are of dreams within dreams. Of waking up to reality while dreaming, as the movie Inception had so cleverly executed.

These dreams, they're so vivid. Sprout from within me yet I do not understand.

They hold multiple meanings, so quizzical.

2010-07-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

I don't get angry very easily, but sometimes, somethings just really tick me off. I've taken years to control and purge anger out of my system, cause personally, I think its unhealthy. But man oh man, when I do get angry, even I wonder how I'm capable of being that angry. Maybe its gotta do with th fact that I'm the kind of person to bottle my emotions up and just keep it in there, ignoring all the pressure thats building up. But thats just me, can't help it eh? Theres a very huge difference between getting pissed/irritated/annoyed/flustered/frustrated and angry, really. Nonetheless, there are always ways to vent it out without actually expressing it in the form of anger and thats what I will do. Pent up anger is not good for me either way.

2010-07-26T09:35:00.001-07:00

I just find her really really, dayuum. Susan Coffey

2010-07-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

Every time I go there, I feel refreshed when I'm back. A rejuvenating process that never fails to open my eyes to things I've previously been blind to, to clarify and cement the matters floating around in my head and of course, to just leave me hanging in limbo, jaws hanging in astonishment or mind jumbled up with a major conundrum. The last one comes without saying. Nonetheless, its still a good feeling. Its like suddenly realizing (again) how we're so small as an individual in a really huge world, or worlds I might add. Admittedly, these trips have affected me in more ways than one, and I gladly embrace the changes that follow. Sometimes, we need moments to slow down a little, get blown away by something, in the positive sense, and collect our thoughts, like a child with puzzle pieces? Everyone has their own way of experiencing this, and mine are these trips. I really hope that when I grow up, I will not be swept away by the buzz of life here in Singapore and forget the places where I've been since I was little, and remember how to get there and visit. Mm, it would be a terrible terrible waste if I do, a terrible waste.

.... ... . . .. .. . .. . .. .. ... .. .. . ... . .. . .. . .. ... .. . . . ... . . . .. .. .. ..

I had written a huge chunk of words to explain how I'm feeling. And it just disappeared. Just not meant to be told I guess

Four values I aspire to attain

To be truthful in my words, actions and purpose.

To be completely sincere in everything, and not act in self-interest, no matter what.

To be one that opens the way for others.

To be one that is fair in judgement and to everyone.

Yeah, whenever I think about it, whoa, sure sounds difficult. But as I've been told, nothing is difficult, its just us making it seem difficult. So yeah, here goes~

2010-07-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

By the Time, verily, Man is in loss.
Except for those who believe, and do righteous good deeds,
and invites one another to the Truth, and invites one another to the patience.

Patience my friend, you are the key to victory.
Tolerance is our greatest strength,
and vengeance is the first sign of weakness.
Still our hearts and think with clarity,
but what the heart wishes, it cannot be denied.
Look beyond the clouds, with feet firmly on the ground.
Be thankful for what is provided and wish not for more.
Its a simple rule we live by, if we can have more,
if we deserve more, we will get more.
What it is, that is the question.
That which has been given, do not pass it on.
Speak not of it and be silent.

2010-07-17T06:25:00.000-07:00

Things to be happy about:

Delicious food
Warm blankets
Presences of loved ones
Good music
Drawing random stuff
Improvements in results
Waking up at 12
Work done

... And many more.

.... ... . ... ... . . .... .. ... . ... .. . .. .. . ... .. . .. .. .. . . ... .. .. .. .. . .

Every once in a while, I discover new places to sate my hunger for food and design, and yesterday, I found one! One Scoop of Art hiding within Marine Parade Library. Anwar brought me there with promises of delicious ice cream after Friday prayers, obviously I'd tag along, like c'mon, who would reject an offer of delicious ice cream, right? And damn was he right! The gelato flavours are what you'd expect, dark chocolate, oreo, butterscotch and brownies and such, but wow, they sure taste different! Maybe you can say that I possibly have limited taste, but I sure know my chocolate flavours man. And this ones goooood. However, the thing about this place that catches my eye the most is the design. The floors cemented but has gigantic swirls of ice cream from the entrance on. The contrast of colours with the dark grey of the cement is somehow visually appealing, you know? Apart from that, wherever you look, they're art pieces being hung or pasted around the shop, pieces of art made by patrons (including mine!) which ranges from canvas paintings, drawings, and paintings. Their cupboards are pure white with drawings of cute things done by marker that is so random its just eye-catching! Lastly, they have a good portion of the area thats like meant for people to enjoy their food while drawing/painting! Its like the perfect place to just whine down after a day for people like me man, can just enjoy some good food and draw some random stuff and go. Whoo!

Product of Good ice cream and weird person.

The cupboard.

2010-07-12T06:33:00.000-07:00

Well, obviously by now its all over the news, Spain's glorious victory over the Dutch early this morning, marking the end of the World Cup. A period of 6 weeks where all soccer fans compromised on sleep and much activities, to catch on THE biggest competition in the world. Despite the fact that I have only slept an hour or so this morning, its completely worth it. Just looking at the image above and recalling the adrenaline pumping through my veins when they won, it just gives me the shivers! The glory they achieved, together as a team, soldiering on through all the matches, never giving up and always giving their best, all because they know what they want, and the sacrifices necessary. In the end, its all smiles for the winners. All smiles and tears. Beautiful man... It's probably the few occasions where the sight of men kissing other men in celebration, is normal and adored! Obviously theres a link here, I guess watching Spain's victory inspires me, to keep on going. Cause in the end, we'll all be smiling when we do our best, and receive what we deserve, those dastardly evasive As in our report slip, YEAH! Till then ...

2010-07-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

Temasek Junior College Climbing Club 09/10

2010-06-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hello.

Its surprising that despite the fact that we're midway through JCTs, I'm here blogging, but thats exactly why I'm here, its halfway done! Wait, no, its more than halfway done! 2 H2s down, GPs down, leaving only Maths and 2/3 of Chem, mm, still, doesn't give a reason to slack, but oh well, I feel I've studied enough for the night anyway.

Change does not occur passively, indeed, for it to occur, we must put in effort. And thats exactly what I've done. I've possibly studied more during the past June holidays than I ever have, and all because I would like to see results. I've always been the kind to depend on my mere intellect and possibly fragments of studying here and there to cope with my studies, but this year, it must be different. Now, we must really start to excel, and that my friends, take lots of effort and much sacrifices. Looking at the far-reaching consequences of A's, I'm sure we're all ready to do just that. But at last, the greatest of fears arise when much has been invested. As Clement said, he's feeling extra scared this time round cause he knows, this time, he did put in more effort. And as much as we all want results, sometimes, shit happens. I concur it is a justified fear, but come to think of it, we will never know till we try, yes? As Einstein had said, 'The mind, once expanded, will never revert back to its original dimensions.' I read that in primary five and it has always been a strong motivation for me to always keep on pushing the limits of my mind. Whats there to lose anyway? This is, the last hurdle, one which is one the most importance, in my opinion. Why? Because from this point on, our lives will finally play out, when we finally become adults and take control of our lives, and as much as we hate to admit it, education is vital, so yea, here we are, toiling our guts out so that we may have better lives ahead, and even then, it is not assured. Comical, undeniable, reality. Thankfully, I have no problems with studying, man, sounds so retarded, but I actually like to study. Study, not mug at night with eyelids drooping and stomach rumbling, I prefer, and only do, study when I'm feeling good, fortunately thats almost every time, except for th stomach part, thats, a bit hard yea...

On another note, the day has finally arrived (and past without me being there, unfortunately) when my brother finally shaved his head bald and disappears for enlistment! The first of the family, how exciting! I sound like a child, but this is truly a riveting experience for me. MY brother, going for NATIONAL SERVICE. Doesn't get anymore personal than this! I really hope it'll be some sort of life-changing for him, cause well, he's truly a lazy person. So yea, I'm looking forward to when he comes back, all dark and bald, lol. Undeniably, I do miss his presence, always checking up on me when I'm not home, asking me where I am, his hogging of the computer and beside me in the bed, HAHA!

My sanctuary, a place where I learn that which cannot be taught anywhere else or by anyone else, where time stays still and life comes to a pause, filled with people whose names glow in the dark, yet remain in shadows, enlightening. All seem to fizzle out from insignificance. Peace and tranquility, and much learning, much of it...

2010-06-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

Eminem's Lose Yourself & Till I Collapse

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

Cause sometimes you just feel tired.
You feel weak and when you feel weak you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse

2010-06-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

After watching a few hindustani movies, which were th kind of movies that I grew up to, I realize that it has actually influenced me greatly in how I am as a person. In the traditional movies, th stories were usually about love, which is typical of a hindustani movie, but it also explores the traditions of family, morals and values, especially that of respect and honour.

Recently, to relieve myself of stress from studying so intensively, I managed to watch four hindustani movies and mind you they're all close to three hours long. (My Name Is Khan, Rab Ni Bana De Jodi, Munna Bhai and Munna Bhai 2) Makes me wonder how I even manage to watch them. But anyway, as I've said earlier, each of them explored similar branches of life. Surprisingly, I found myself able to associate closely with the characters in each movie, which enhanced the movie experience to the point that I teared in all of them. There were sad movies. Wait, no. Sad is a sweeping statement. Each movie had a general storyline where the main dude is basically a nice guy, but as always theres always a flaw in them, be it them suffering from autism, being a geek or even a don. So they're nice guys and yet shit gets thrown at them, y'know? But the beautiful thing about these movies are the little things that they do and portray, showing them overcome their struggles and win over someone's love or respect.

Life Lessons learnt from Hindustani movies:

1) Patience is a virtue. Life may seem unfair when you look at it closely, but take a step back and you will see, for everything, there is a reason. Just needs a little time and perseverance to understand.

2) Respect others and eventually they will respect you. Eventually. Tied to the first point, earning respect takes time, but it is a worthwhile effort, one that brings much ease in the future.

3) Love may not necessarily be clear. Love for one may not be explicitly displayed, but human beings have different ways of expressing their feelings. The sweet words whispered by a lover or the scoldings from a father, there are but one and the same.

4) Always keep to one's words and be honest. It is a easier to tell th truth and seek understanding than to lie and always keep lying. Holding back the truth may hurt in the long run.

5) Family ties and strong friendships are things that may get damaged, but it will never break, as long as it is sincere and based on truth.

6) Material wealth is not everything. Sometimes, the most valuable of life treasures are not bought with money nor are they pegged a monetary value.

7) Always do the right thing, even if everyone else isn't.

2010-06-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

Oh well, here it is again.
But wait, theres a twist.
Not a twist, but rather a slight addition of weight.
No longer just another exam, for now, it holds a measure.
To indicate,
To indicate whether we're ready to take this seriously,
whether we can prioritize and realize what is important,
and whether we are prepared, prepared to give it our all.
Albeit, not an accurate one, but it IS still a measure, yes.
Hmm, such dark times we live in, currently.
All the stress, it has been piling,
on all of us, thats for sure.

Step 1 : Take a deep breath.
Step 2 : Let that shiver run down your spine.
Step 3 : DON'T LOOK AT THE CALENDAR.
Step 4 : Clear your head, and let go off all the unnecessary distractions
Step 5 : Focus and do the shit that needs to be done.

Calvin describes this as a marathon,
and a marathon it is indeed.
We're all competing, but hey, who said we can't help each other out yea?

Allez guys,
The important thing to do right now is to keep on going, to keep on pushing,
no matter how slow.

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Every time it gets close to a major exam, I blog about it.

2010-06-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, or rather, two hours ago, was one of my bestfriend's birthday, Syed Fadhil Yunus Al-Sagoff.

Its a rare occasion that we, being my other bestfriend, Muhammad, and I to celebrate his birthday considering how he's always overseas when its his birthday, but finally, today, it isn't!

It was a simple surprise, we just got him a simple chocolate cake, surprise him at his house followed by dinner with his family and just time to chill together. Ahh, the beauty of the simple things and the joy it brings. Despite the fact that his brother accidentally blurt it out to him, he still played along, how typical. A simple celebration, just the three of us and his family. Six years man...

Its a joy to always know that there will always be these two guys with me, apart from you guys, who I can always turn to to find comfort, share my thoughts and problems, and just have fun with. We've been through shit and good times together, and all this time, despite the squabbles we had with each other, despite the girls that we had, despite the different schools we ended up in, we still stick with each other, knowing that the companionship we have is irreplaceable.

Irreplaceable.

2010-06-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

Matchbox Twenty - Disease

Feels like you've made a mistake,

you've made somebody's heart break.

Now I have to let you go,

I have to let you go.

You'd have to stay,

on every one of my good dates.

But I'm stronger than you know,

I have to let you go.

No ones ever turned you over,

no ones trying to ever let you down.

Beautiful girl, I can't breathe.

I got a disease,

deep inside of me,

makes me feel uneasy with it.

I can't live without you telling me,

what am I supposed to do about it?

Keep your distance from me,

don't pay no attention to me.

I got a diseasee.

2010-05-24T23:06:00.000-07:00

All that has a beginning, has an end.

Every chapter in Life will eventually come to a close,

Its the essence of it that will last forever in all of us.

A lasting imprint on our hearts and minds.

The laughters, the scowls, the vulgarities,

the jokes, the intimate conversations,

the merry and sometimes crazy outings,

the hours spent mugging together,

the intense discussions,

the climbs, the falls,

-you guys know what we've been through yea..-

I don't exactly know how to place these feelings in words,

As I reminiscence of all the moments, be it a bitter or sweet memory,

no words come to mind,

. . .

Just a strong feeling of attachment and belonging,

to the people whom I've grown to love and trust,

people, who despite their unique quirks, has bonded together so closely,

to say that we're a mere club would be an understatement, an insult even!

Temasek Junior College Climbing Club 09/10

For once, I have no words to speak.

Only to smile.

2010-05-16T09:48:00.000-07:00

Human beings are adaptive creatures, able to adapt to many environments, and all that it takes is their will to do so.

Adaptations occur due to a necessity to do so, a measure taken in order to survive or to thrive in an environment.

In life, with ever-changing circumstances, it is crucial to hone and master this advantage.

Choices, choices, choices. Decisions based on opportunity costs. What does it take to make one?

The weight, insurmountable.

But alas, when the moment comes to change, we must, or we risk losing control of the situation we have for so long grown comfortable to.

Change, and adapt.

Live and let die.

... . ... .. .. .. .. . . . ... . .. . .. ... .. . .. .. . .. . ..

You rest your head on empty pillows,

wake up and open your eyes.

2010-04-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

ISN'T IT JUST BEAUTIFUL?

I think, I think

Tiles are like people,

Many at times, we let all the

bitterness, cold, and bland

parts of life to veil our true colours

and our true nature too

and maybe, just maybe,

we just need to let someone spray us

with high-pressured water!

Rid of all them dirt and stains

So we that become all nice again,

yes?

Sometimes, sometimes.

2010-04-25T03:05:00.000-07:00

24-25 April 2010
Probably, THE weekend to remember
Full of awesome things happening, of astounding achievements and satisfaction
This is for the team. Temasek Junior College Climbing Club - TJCCC

Yishun SAFRA

For the past month, all the trainings were held here with consideration that it would benefit us.

The journey was troublesome and time-consuming, but alas, it has bear fruit

Top Three for Male and Female Difficulty for A Div.

Honestly, one of the most proudest achievement.

Overall A Division Champion - TJC

In the end, it all goes back to everyone who is TJCCC,

every individual who contributed, supported and trained

We win, as a team

as a family,

woots.

2010-04-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

Ohhh man this week has been one of THE most tiring weeks, EVER.
Though I'm unsure why, ever since Monday, the days seem to slog by so slowly and I would go home utterly tired, mind saturated and feeling grumpy, haha! I just need one whole weekend of rest and study, maybe.
BUT, thats not going to be anytime soon yea, NSSCC is happening, WHOOO!

Last weekend has proved worthy of mention with Chris getting CHAMPION for individual speed category!
Man, the atmosphere was pure electric! Especially so during the final round to determine the champion. It felt as if time stood still and everyones eyes were directed to the wall. Everyone holding their breath simultaneously, hearts racing, expecting their hopes to be turned into reality, oh such a great moment. Though, nothing beats the pure joy when Chris's hands were raised, indicating him as champion, HOLY SHITTTT.

When Chris got first, it was all smiles mann

The Speed Team of TJCCC

Check out Sherwin, Haha!

Anyway, now the focus is on whats happening for THIS weekend, the difficulty category being the main focus. Just gotta do our best, for it is a FACT that we have trained hard for this,

ALLEZ TJCCC!

2010-04-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

Dreams of beautiful buildings taking my breath away

Of hope in a situation of hopelessness and the rewards for a sincere heart

Of strength from within emerging to overcome trials met

Of dreams achieved and of lasting companionship

Of life with its ups and downs and how for every hardship there is a reward

Of the journey undertaken alone

.. . .. .. ... .. . . ... .. .. .. .. .. .. ... .. . . .. .. . .. . . .. .. . .. ..

A barrier of stone keeps the waters at bay

However water erodes even the strongest stone

From the soft lapping of water to monstrous surges

Bit by bit they eat away at the foundations

Till when will it last?

Till when will the stone hold the waters at bay?

2010-04-12T06:30:00.000-07:00

People always say that God works in mysterious ways.
Yet, why look so far when sometimes,
even people work in mysterious ways.

... . .. . . . .. .. .. .. . ... . .. . . . . .. .. ... . . . . .. . .. . .... . .

Far too often, we tend to judge others too soon before light of the circumstance can be revealed fully.
Years upon years of education has taught us to make intelligent deductions based on current conditions.
However, sometimes, we are wrong, and all we needed was to be a little bit more patient, just a little bit.
When faced with similar circumstances, we make our judgments based on previous outcomes.
When faced with new ones, we make them based on guesses and expectations.
What our heart whispers, it is inevitably reflected in our words or actions.
Hence it is without a doubt that to rid ourselves of this tendency to judge,
we must try our best to squelch them before it materializes fully within us.
Ah, such complexities within us, the eternal clash between the heart and the mind.

.. ... . .. . .. .. .. ... ... .. . . .. . . .. . . .. ... . .. . . . .. . ... . . ... .. .. .

Its been awhile since I've last sat down among elders and just silently listened to their tales.
To the point that I have semi-forgotten how much there is to learn from them.
I will try, to speak, only after I have listen, listen to others, listen to myself.

2010-03-31T09:33:00.000-07:00

Peel the layers and find something beautiful.
Looking across oceans and mountains to see,
you might just miss out what lies just ahead.
Even in calm waters, there may be danger lying in wait.
Extinguish the spark before it grows to be fire.
Words spoken can never be retrieved back, think before you speak.
Even if the truth hurts, it is better to tell it than to lie.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Love all, trust a few

2010-03-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

Lets.see.if.hardwork.pays.off.Lets.hope.
No.expectations.just.hope

2010-03-23T09:06:00.000-07:00

The.frustrations.that.exist.
simmer.out.of.sight.never.out.of.mind
unstable. reactive.and.powerful.
easily.warping.to.more.sinister.forms
quell.them. quickly.hurry.
seek.the. peace.and.see.the.calm.
speak.not.in.anger.
fury.in.words.their.sting. long-lasting.
still.your.mind.and.your.heart.
in.th.midst.of.the. hurricane.lies.the.inevitable.tranquil.

....

Sometimes.sometimes.things.may.get.overwhelming.

Through.the.sweat.and.tears.remember.the. faces.that.we.see.

Think.of.them.these.people.who.seem.to.always.be.there

and.maybe.it.will.be.easier.to.bear

2010-03-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

I want to learn how to cook.
To me, cooking is a lot like making art.
There is no proper definition of perfection, it is as how you imagine it to be, or in this case, how it tastes like.
Also, I find cooking strangely appealing cause its one of those things that has to satisfy an individual at the sensory level and also on a deeper level. Just as it is for art, in cooking, the dish has to be appealing to the eyes, the colour of the ingredients, the way they're arranged, the aroma, the texture of the food. Of course the deeper level would be the actual taste of the food. To add to that, no one dish can appeal to all, like how a piece of art cannot appeal to all. It makes people, especially Me, happy. I like to make people happy, and I want to learn how to cook.

AND TOMORROWS MARCH COMMON TESTS.

2010-03-18T10:07:00.000-07:00

I.dont.know.why.but.somehow.I.enjoy.th.exam.periods.

Its.like.theres.an.obvious.purpose.or.result.from.studying.

a.motivation.or.drive.to.do.so.one.that.i.enjoy.strangely.

I.admit.I.like.to.study.it.keeps.my.mind.sharp.when.usually.its.all.over.

However.this.only.happens.during.th.exam.period.

anytime.before.or.after.ohh.its.a.different.feeling.haha.

but.right.now.whats.important.is.to.have.a.gauge.of.how.I'm.doing.

lets.hope.all.this.studying.will.pay.off.for.it.is.my.greatest.fear.it.does.not

lets.hope

AND.WHOO.I.LOVE.HOLIDAYS!

it.feels.good.to.wake.up.with.th.sun.above.th.horizon.truly

I.gotta.feeling.that.all.th.hours.of.sleep.has.made.me.grown.hahaha

though.th. effects.of.oversleeping.are.showing.i've.turned.into.a. black.panda

how.awesome.

Th.fire.that.flows.in.th.veins.

Th.wind.that.fills.th.lungs.

Th.water.that.holds.th.bones.

Th.earth.that.forms.th.flesh

Th.ensuing. clash.of.the.heart.and.the.mind

2010-03-08T03:04:00.000-08:00

Th weather has really been punishing these past few days,
and its really affecting my thinking.

Once again, I have come to th realization that hardwork pays off and you can't just depend on your intelligence.
I seem to always forget it. Usually, I'm lazy, but that doesn't mean I don't do my work, I just don't do additional work that I'm supposed to, in order to get that evasive A. But, looking at how this years going to be probably one of th most important year of education, I've decided to start studying. Not bad not bad. Its also hugely because of the release of the results for A's last Friday. Looking at the faces I saw, some happy, some sad, some accepting, some stoic, it got me to realize,

"ah whathell, lets do this shit."

2010-03-02T06:28:00.000-08:00

Mercury Rising! The past few days has been HOTHOTHOT.
Though, it is not related to my prolonged disappearance.

Life, no, School, has been increasingly busy, filled with incomplete tutorials, confusing lectures, datelines and more tutorials. Apart from that, trainings getting more intensive in lieu with th upcoming competitions (THIS THURSDAY!) and hence, whenever I am not dead-tired from training, I would be busy with school, and the cycle repeats itself. So there you go, my reasoning for my absence.

Its already March, time is sure flying by. Before we know it, BOOM, its already the highlight of th year.
For that, I have diligently been consistently catching up and revising my stuff. Its good you know, that despite the time spent studying, when it comes to crunch time, you feel somewhat prepared and less stress. So heres to doing stuff beforehand and ignoring being called a Mugger! There is a debate that exists regarding this often misused term ; Mugger. You see, in my opinion, the term mugger arose from the situation where one studies into the wee hours of th night with a MUG of coffee or whatever beverage of preference to sustain you through the night, hence th term mugging. The act of studying till late with something keeping you awake. However, based on others, one is a mugger merely when one is studying, which to me is ridiculous? Oh damn, why am I wrapping my mind around such trivial and insignificant issues...

Anyway, on a more significant topic, GRAVICAL IS THIS THURSDAY! First Competition of the year for the National Bouldering League (NBL). The competition that begins all competitions. I can't deny that Ive been looking forward to this. Its like, running a race you know? A measure of how good you are, albeit sometimes inaccurately, but a measure nonetheless, in comparison to others. I am a man of competition, though not aggressively, but its just something that spurs me on. I'm sure TJCCC will do well man, WHOO!

Ahh, my energy has come to an all time low after today, 400m + 5000m = Damn.
So goodnight world.

2010-02-20T22:40:00.000-08:00

This is a drawing by one DDzim on DA.
awesome is it not?

To those who know me, know that I love to draw.

Its a natural thing to do for me, fingers wrapped around a pen/pencil and drawing, be it on paper, or not.

Thoughts flow through lead, materialize through surface.

Its a form of expression sometimes, a window into my head, the untangling of the swirl of thoughts in there.

The reason why I draw are not a lot, simple.

Its to please, to fulfill, to have something to do when I'm bored, however, the meanings, that, is a different thing.

2010-02-16T09:04:00.000-08:00

A haven in the storm of life.

A place where Life comes to a still.

The complications of life just dissipate into the air.

Its really a marvelous place, the Bamboo River.

Flower petals always up in smoke,

Its like a perpetual high, where time ticks by so slowly.

The rigidity that Time always has on our lives, seem to melt away.

A pocket in the Universe, detached from this world.

Magical places/things reside in the world,

you just have to open your eyes.

2010-02-06T07:21:00.000-08:00

Sprained my ankle in a strange manner, really sucks cos now I can only limp really slow, or hop with one leg.

AND, next weeks road run, awesome.

When I cannot study when I plan to, I draw. This has been something which has been in my head for sometime now, just didn't have th time to draw till just now. whee.

2010-02-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

Hi, its been awhile hasn't it?

Its February. Second month of THE year. Kinda fast if you ask me, but oh well, everybody has 24 hours each day. Slowly picking up the pace, I know myself, I take awhile to start, anything, and even then, it'd take me some time before I eventually pick up th pace. This encompasses academics, thought-process, GROWTH, and yea, many other things I guess. Strangely, I'm beginning to enjoy school, naturally, it has become part of my system, this routine, expectations and whatnot.

So, the J1s have arrived, settled and ended their orientation! Even though it wasn't mine, not anywhere close considering I'm not even an OGL, it was fun actually. A breathe of fresh air, to say the least. New faces, new potential and new personalities. This years going to be an interesting year and I REALLY hope that we get hyper/enthusiastic/imbalanced juniors for TJCCC, damnnn, its going to be AWESOME.

... . .. . .. . .. . .. . .. . ... .. . . . .. . .. . . . ...

Today, my Father turns 50.
Normally a stoic man, he doesn't show much affection.
Hard to crack, he has been through much difficulty.
Rarely do I ever hear or see him show his emotions apart from anger.
However, when he said thank you to my brother and I as he was about to enter his room,
It affected me quite deeply, in a positive way.
Beneath that thick hide, lies someone who's quite sensitive, though he may not show it.
Yea yea, I might sound slow for not realizing this as a normal human personality,
but he's my father and thats rare. So yea, Happy Birthday Aba, I hope you are happy.

... . .. .. . . ... . ... . . . . .. . .. .. . . ... .. . ..

A chip of the old block, I realized that I'm quite similar to my dad when it comes to this emotions thing. Haha

2010-01-27T07:24:00.000-08:00

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
you know the feeling?

January's coming to an end, one month down.
Its been the first week, probably the one with the least load, least stress and most time spent not studying.
And yet, it already seems so tiring, so draining. Everyday, at the end of th day, I seem to be crawling to bed, slowly, knowing that once I sleep, a new day begins. But somehow, I'm starting to adapt to this routine of waking up, going to school, study or climb till late, then going home, to repeat it, over again. However, what keeps me going is the random events that occur in school, the laughter of friends, the smiles, the shared burden and experiences that we all go through together. Truthfully, if it wasn't for the friends that I have in school, I doubt I would be, like this.

Well, anyway, its been a long and tiring day, sleep well people.
It is always darkest before the dawn

2010-01-24T04:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, we forget that death does not come when one is old, nor when one is sick.

Sometimes, we forget that people may just meet their fate at any time.

Sometimes, we forget to cherish this life we have, with distractions all around.

Sometimes, we only remember when it happens.

The gagging in your throat, the hot tears that form.
It is the human instinct to do so, a natural reaction.
However, we must look ahead and understand,
that everything that happens, happens for a reason.

Death, perceived as the end of life as we know it.
The shattering of the mortal bonds that bind, it is the inevitable end for all.
So that they may finally be free, free from this temporary abode we call home.
From Him we come from, to Him, we return.

2010-01-16T20:38:00.000-08:00

You see the world through your window
You don’t even go outside anymore
Only feel safe feeling hollow
You think your scars are way too deep to be cured

You hide your heart in the shadows
So afraid to open up to anyone
But I can see your faded halo
And I can make it burn again, like the sun

If you stay for a while
Let me hold you tonight
Just open your eyes you will see the light

But stay for a while
Let me hold you tonight
Just open your eyes you will see the light shine
You don’t have to be frozen
You don’t have to be broken tonight

I can see your faded halo
And I can make it burn again, like the sun

Just stay for a while
Let me hold you tonight
Just open your eyes you will see the light shine
You don’t have to be frozen
You don’t have to be broken

You don’t have to be broken tonight

Tell me those aren't nice lyrics.

Broken Tonight - Armin Van Buuren

.. . ... ... . ... . .. . .. .. . . .... . . ... . ... ... . .. . . ..

What we see, feel and experience, may vary in how it affects us. It may be bitter, sweet, foul or just pure awesome. More often than not, when we're feeling down and disappointed, we tend to look at the negative side of it all.

And sometimes, we completely miss the positive side. Surprisingly, what we need to do to see it is just have a change in perspective, to see things through different eyes. Only then can we peel past the superficial layers that hide the true lessons to be derived from such moments.

I am a stubborn boy, and unfortunately for me, I will not learn my lesson until I get knocked down, bashed and trampled upon, only to stand up again to realize what I need to do. For that, I thank God for all the unfortunate things that He has laid upon my path of life, cause, He knows best.

2010-01-10T08:05:00.000-08:00

Here we go, once again,
we trod this beaten path.
The path set before us,
will it lead to our destination?

.. .. .. ... ... .. . . . . .. .. . .. ... ... . .

okay, i lost it, thanks to retarded videos on youtube.

2010-01-06T09:14:00.000-08:00

Many at times, we are faced with consequences and results,
that we do not wish to be set upon us, leaving us in wonder, with the question of why.
Many at times, due to this, we become angry, sad or confused,
that we do not understand why and the question tugs at you, what-ifs bubbling in mind.
Many at times, we do not realize, that whatever happens, happens for a reason.
Reasons that for now, we do not comprehend, and are hidden from plain sight,
for whatever happens, happens so that it may benefit us, in ways we do not see.
So I say to You my old friend, you are merely mortal, and it is your nature to feel,
but do not let emotions have a hold of you, for you know, it is the best for you.

2010-01-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

Haha, I'm sure this should have been written two days back, but ohwell, the year is a long time and I need more than one night to contemplate on the implications of this span of time on my life

They say things always happen for a reason, yet some are ignorant of this and believe that Life is unfair. Sometimes, in the wave of emotion, we often overlook Reason, and for that, we are lost and don't do right things. Throughout the year, we may have faced daunting challenges, lost something close to heart, stood at the edge of sanity, patience and spirit, swore at the unfortunate things that happened to us and felt an array of negative emotions. Yet, we mustn't forget that in the same year, we may have been blessed with truly wonderful friends that bring light and laughter to our seemingly mundane lives, a purpose in which we strive to achieve, moments that just leave us at a loss for words in happiness and awe, been offered a helping hand and found peace with ourselves. Life is indeed fair, to those who open their eyes.

All that I wish for this year of 2010 is that I may see Reason, and do the Right things. Yeah.

2009-12-30T11:02:00.000-08:00

People are like bottles
You can see them, for what they are
sometimes their colours and even the texture of the liquid they hold within.

However, if you never open the bottle cap,
you'll never find out the taste of them, of how they truly are.
No matter how much you think you know how it is, its never truly assured, until you do so.

Only until the first drop,
only then can you understand and comprehend,
what they hold within themselves, only to those who are willing enough to open them up.

2009-12-24T11:39:00.000-08:00

Today had been a rather long day, and the end has yet to come.
Today was the end of the three day chalet at Sentosa that we, TJCCC had, which left me with funny moments, a very hungry stomach and unforgettable memories.
Today, my uncles and aunts came back from their pilgrimage to the holy land of Mekkah, which is extremely significant as it is their first time and I am truly joyful for them.
Today, my cousins, some friends and I caught Avatar, which was probably the highlight of the day.

Caught Avatar in 3D.

It is TRULY, a feast for the eyes. I may be exxagerating as it was my first time, but I have never been so excited to watch a movie, ever. Apart from that, the level of anticipation was quite high as the movie had had some good reviews regarding the stunning level of detail and realism in the movie world. True to every word, it was spectacular. Well, considering $700m was spent to make that movie, I'm not surprised. It raises the bar for the movie experience. It got me completely immersed into the fantasy world brought about by the director, whose name I do not remember. Apparently, the dude had done his research in order to make the world of Pandora ( the alien planet ) as realistic as possible with regards to the biological structure of the organisms depicted. That, coupled with stunning graphics, makes the movie captivating, leaving me in awe.

Despite the alieness of it all, the movie actually portrays more humanity than meets the eye.
It shows the unlimited and unsatisfiable human desire to have MORE, to drain every drop of resource and look for others elsewhere. The movie brings across the message of how far some people will go to get wealthier, and the adverse effects it causes, directly or indirectly. There are many branches of life that can be explored here. How one's actions can cause ripples and unforeseen consequences, or how without self-control, one will end up destroying one's self. Also, to how greed CAN be the cause of all evil. On the other hand, the movie also explores the more positive side of humanity, which is to defend what is yours and what your treasure, the power of unity and perseverance through tumultuous times and of course the choice over matters of the heart, and matters of the mind.

However, in my opinion, an angle which was explored rather explicitly is the discovery of one's identity. As we mingle around with different crowds, we sometimes find ourselves fitting different images to our character, and thus letting people have different expectation of us, different set of responsibilities and different choices to make. It is easy to get lost in the storm of society and forget who you are and what you believe in, especially in such a modern and metropolitan world such as Singapore. People show different sides at different times, and if you're a friend who has seen many or almost all the sides of a friend and still be able to accept them as who they are, give yourself a pat on the back. Sometimes, when friends think friends have changed, its just a matter of environment and adaptation, unless that friends really screwed up yea?

Oh yea, Merry X'Mas to the many who celebrate it, HOHOHO!

2009-12-19T20:36:00.000-08:00

Its been awhile since Ive felt detached from the world, and finally I did.
In an unfamiliar environment, no one I knew, no one who knew me. No one to talk to, just silence.
Its moments like these that bring about much contemplation, and often, escape from the bustle of Life.
Its just you, thoughts floating by, with the absence of interference, beautiful.

... ... .. .. . ... ... . . ... .. ... .. ... .. .... ... .. . .. . . ... . . . ...

Wow, yesterday, could be described as a feast, truly.
The amount of food I ate yesterday was astounding, by my standards.
In chronological order,

A bowl of cereal with milk and a cup of milo
2 soft boiled eggs and a cup of milo
A chocolate pancake
A plate of rice with curry chicken, fried eggs and potatoes
A plate of bryani rice with chicken, mutton and potatoes
A large double chocolate frappe
A chocolate cake
A bowl of Kway Teow

and the best part,
and the end of the day, as I was about to sleep, close to 1,
I was hungry.

2009-12-16T23:35:00.000-08:00

Some people at some point of time, have told me that I'm too nice, that sometimes, I let people get the better of me, and let them manipulate me, or just that I tolerate bullshit that I don't deserve. My response was a simple, "HUH, where got?!" or "When siaaa?". I've pondered on this notion for quite some time now, wondering. I guess, it is not within me to hurt people, emotionally that is, haha. I doubt I can muster the strength to break another's heart. However, this does not mean that I cannot tell them the painful truth if it need be. Despite the irritant that I may be, it would never be my intention to dampen their hearts or cause sorrow to seep into their hearts. I merely am like that, so that those who are blue, may forget their sadness and replace that with annoyance. I would rather be the one who gets broken-hearted than to break a heart, and I have. Sometimes I wonder why. It must be the fact that I know that I can and will heal from it, no matter how deep the pain is. And with this knowledge, I often take the blow, for I would never want to imagine another to endure such pain. Don't know why this came to me while I was showering though. Hahahaa

2009-12-15T06:46:00.000-08:00

Hi.
I like to make people Happy.
So I do.

And today, I made a friend of mine, very happy by doing something that will make HIS friend happy.

A Rose.

Chilled with him for close to four hours, just sitting there, talking, drawing.

I find it more enjoyable to just have a chat sometimes yknow, get to know people better.

Its a rewarding feel at th end of it all, something gained.

Enjoying Trance

2009-12-11T09:56:00.001-08:00

THE wall.

2009-12-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

Its funny how a simple image, sound or word can bring about memories that have long been buried.
Not out of fear do I cringe, or tense up, but only because of the memories which I have kept deep inside.
I am, a man of memories.

A dark phase in one's past, may be the spark required to enlighten one's future.
That I have learnt, and cruelly I may add.
It is simply a law of the universe that you cannot gain something, without losing something else in return.
A simple law that more often than not, is overlooked and misunderstood, always forgotten and ignored.

When overlooked, it breeds greed. To have more, without giving any away. Such is the nature of Man.
When misunderstood, it invites conflict. To not understand, and simply accept, brings much infuriation within.
When forgotten, it sparks anger. The obsession, to find a reason for loss, when you do not see the gain.
When ignored, it ends bluntly.

The Past holds sway the way I lead the Present that I may have a Pleasant Future.

I will you Open like a piece of FRUIITTT!

2009-12-04T06:08:00.000-08:00

By far, th highlight of th holidays, TJCCC's climbing trip to Batu Caves, KL.
Extraordinary experience, awesome people, eye-opening views.
It was really, like a dream, as if it was only us climbers, and th climbs.
As expected, such a trip provides a platform where th teachers, Mr Kao and Ms Lim, and of course our dearest coaches, Phillip and Kelly Lim, are on th same level as us, in terms of interaction and closeness.
Th stupid things that happened, it all made us closer and it really gives me a warm feeling, to see how we are like one huge family, whoosh.

And the climbs, OH THE CLIMBS.
Sure it looks scary at first, but damn, it is truly love at first climb. It was a totally different feeling, in terms of exhiliration, fear, composure and satisfaction. The freedom of exploring as we climb, its like we are a ship in th middle of th sea, where our direction is both determined by the external factors as well as our ability to direct our own movements. It was especially significant for th really high climbs, the really beautiful high climbs. It is like an assault on the senses, the sharp and rough rocks, sometimes cutting your fingers, and mind you they do, and sheer height and the fear that comes along with it, the composure that we must muster within us to conquer the climb, and of course the view. Spectacular. It was to the extent that every time I came down from one of the high climbs, I seem to be a semi-high state, where my minds in a daze and my breathing deep and slow. To conclude this unachieveable form of description that I had intended, I shall use a metaphor. Climbing beautiful ( which sometimes means truly hard but is just, beautiful, yknow? ) natural routes, is like having sex on ecstacy, you'll never reach that peak again unless you do that same thing again. Oh, in case you were wondering, a drunk guy from US East told me that, he advised not to commit th same mistake as he did, HAHA.

All in all, it was truly a wonderful experience, and I would love to thank my fellow climbers, TJCCC, our teachers in charge and our dear coaches. AWESOMMMEEEE.

Checking In

The Bustle of KL

Our form of transport, apart from the taxis. Inefficient, haha

Nyamuk! Our first Destination.

A short trek through th wilderness

One of the 30m routes there, Diper Jaya.

Second Destination! Nanyang. This is closer to civilization.

Nothing life freshly cooked fried rice

Old Shoes Beware. Its just a slab of smooth rock. End of Story

Last Destination : Damai! Its a tourist destination

Some of us in the cave, Really BIG cave.

Lonely Black Boy

The view

First Night There, couldn't wait to get into my room, HAHA

TJCCC is defined by its eccentricity and energy, as shown above.

Formal.

The Last Picture of the Trip. Was at Camp5.

Ze coaches!

Plastic but still as great, haha

Can't wait for the next!

2009-11-22T00:31:00.000-08:00

Naise

2009-11-17T04:31:00.001-08:00

It's such a pity that some people can see others beyond what they see in real life, such a shame.

2009-11-14T23:05:00.000-08:00

00:00
The clock struck twelve and a hand drew out.
A solemn congratulations followed by wishes for the other world.
Streams of texts came flowing in, all with a similar tag to them.
Moments later the door opened to a familiar face.
Family is first, they are my brother and sister.
Cooking together and eating from the same bowl,
sharing moments only we can experience and know.
Ahmed Haliim Khan and Nur Hadziqah.

Training took up the morning,
with them who serve as the greatest anchors to school.
with them who are the closest bunch in school.
with them who are kind of character and generous with it.
The hours left of th day invested in time outside.
Orchard with three, best place to get high, or seen as strange. Haha!
Plaza Singapura with many, a simple dinner with plenty of flashes and surprises. ( BKB! )
Just hung out, somewhere to chill and let time fly by.
TJCCC.

The Last Hour, with Geng APAM and known associates.
Chocolate makes anyone happy, any time any where.
Double Chocolate Frappucinno, naise.

Thank You ALL that have made the 14th of November 2009 a special day for me.
Mooo.

2009-11-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

It was 2am, just got home from watching a movie with a wonderful group of people.
This is it. Interesting show, gives me th shivers, he's such a genius, daamn.
PW is FINALLY over, for all eternity. Today was OP, considerably well, could've been better, but why ponder about that which has passed yes. Woke up late, what a start. Haha!

I am ze tired

2009-11-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

I don't know why, but these past few days I've been really tired.
No matter how much I sleep, I will still be sleepy and tired the next day.
Its not that I sleep too much, I sleep less than enough. But I try to sleep more than usual, but still I appear sleepy by midday.This is really not normal and annoys me. My eyelids are heavy and my head has a stronger gravitational pull than usual. Also, it is not that I'm stressed or anything, in fact, its the opposite! Life is slowing down a bit and theres more time for me to just chill. Such a conundrum, wonder why.

2009-11-05T04:32:00.000-08:00

Imagine a glass flask, with bubbling acid contents
at its mouth, an iron cap, secured by an iron lock
with a fragile and thin metal key locking it in place.
Seething, almost reaching th top, an acrid stench.

I can associate that to anger, my brother's and mine.
We keep it in check, we keep it in, but once it spills over,

nasty nasty.

The sun was still up when I got home, been a while since that happened.

The end is near my friends, the End.

Intepret as you wish.

Its always like this, I always have something in my mind, and I wish to blog about it.

But the moment I am here, it dissipates into thin air. I would have a draft ready in my head, every word and every line, prepared, but it just disappears. How unfortunate. These past few days, many things have occupied my mind, in fact over this long period that I was absent, my head was full of things. Then again, its not good to think so much, sometimes we must let our instincts guide us, let the feeling take control. Though, do not mistake this feeling I speak of as emotion, for emotion is an unstable concoction for the mind. Sometimes, we have to listen to our hearts, silent the mind, and do. A sage once advised, act with your heart, do not let your mind interfere. Our mind, brilliant but distracting. Limitless but restricted. We fear what we don't know. Thats why this all breaks down.

We humans, being of flaws,

Made in perfection, we are marred by our nature.

Such is the way we are.

Do forgive me

2009-10-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

The Journey to become a Titan.

In the beginning, we were like little children. Not knowing what to expect, not knowing what to do.

We entered, only knowing that what we have to achieve. Among us, we meet new friends, or forge stronger bonds with those we already know. Like infants discovering a new world, we learnt by observing. With guidance from those who are experienced, we slowly transformed into something formidable. Gruelling hours spent underneath the sun, sweat-drenched and muscles sore, we trained together, to function as one. Frustrations mounting, it was important that we constantly remind ourselves of what is required from every one of us. Sacrificing hours, foregoing things we wished to do, so that we may be together to work on our weaknesses and strengths. All these time, growing stronger together, as a team. Feeling ourselves get stronger, mentally and physically, it provided motivation to continue to trudge on this difficult path. The words of those who doubted us, fed the fire that pushes us onwards. We believed we can, and thus we will. Alas, the day came and we felt the tingle down our spines, a mixture of anxiety, fear, excitement and release. All that we have done, it amounted to that day. The day when everything mattered, every count, every heave and every strain. Pushing our limits. When it finally came to an end, though words were flying about of victory, we refuse to accept it until finally, one by one, the awards came pouring in. Unifying us ever more.

We entered as many, but we emerged as one.

Victorious

Honourable mention : The whole of Beta Titans Team, and the Beta HC.

AWESOMEE

2009-09-26T22:36:00.000-07:00

Yea ma niggas.

In the frenzy of Life,

I escaped to a haven, beyond waters

Among people whom I hold dear

Basking in the glow,

of the anchors of the world.

Momentarily forgetting,

the troubles and burdens.

To simply smile,

in remembrance of present and old.

2009-09-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

She was once a woman of strength, upright and able.
Now, she is old and frail, weak from disease and a decrepit shell.
Though at heart, she is still the woman she was, she can no longer be.
Her limbs, they fail her as they succumb to the many ailments that afflict her.
She is alone, with no succesor to carry forth the purpose of her existence.
She can no longer fulfill their demands but still remain, by the edge of a thread.
Her end is coming to an end, and she has awaited for it, for so long.
She has lived too long, but still too short a time for what she has to be.
Too much has changed in such a short time and she feels lost.
Lost as the world she once knew, has been distorted beyond recognition and repair.
She heaves a sigh, saddened over what has befallen the people.
Alas, her time time will come, and so will theirs.

The stars shall cease to shine.
The sun shall rise from the west.
and evil shall be rampant.

Th.e.n.d

2009-09-11T10:31:00.000-07:00

This is me. A Helper, you agree?

Helpers are warm, involved, providing and sensitive for the needs of other people; they offer help to their fellow man. The help has as intention to show their own superiorit...y (unaware). It's hard for them to get through their soul. RELATIONSHIPS: You need to get the acceptance of friends, lovers and family. You are often afraid that relationships will end bad. Because you don't know your own needs and desires, you are unaware looking for people who foresee in their needs, just because of who they are. FIXATION: flattery VICE: arrogance VIRTUE: humility PROFESSIONS: nurse, personal assistant, make-up artist, psychologist...

Hm.

2009-09-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

Hi people, meet Jack Sparrow

I did not realize that this was th last week of school till a friend of mine told me, amazing how time flies huh. One week, to term four, the last term for the year. My god, a YEAR has passed.

Have you realized? Have you really grasped the reality of this? Our 'honeymoon' year is coming to an end people, an END. Soon, we'll be J2s, with the A's ahead of us, so close, yet seemingly distant, or so we think it will be. Ahh but why am I thinking so far ahead when th challenges faced today have not even been overcome. Promos, thats th word for th moment. PROMOS, heh

Its begins on the 12th, and ends on the 16th. A single week, a mere four days, that will very much be our first hurdle to our A's. A week, thats all. Just 5 papers, Biology, Mathematics, Economics, Chemistry and General Paper. Truth be told, I am more fearful of the promos than I was for the O's itself. I daresay it is uncommon for me to say that something is difficult for me, but yes, these subjects are challenging. Mmm, but eventually, we will all see the light if we find it hard enough, yea? I think it is time, for me to pick up my books, and get a piece of paper and pen

2009-08-31T09:46:00.000-07:00

Whenever everytime things seem distant, when every sound seems to be just loud echoes,
it reminds me of my very warped nightmare, one that has haunted me over and over again, though less frequently now.

Theres a big mess of machinery, of gears and what not, integrated as one unstable mechanism. I am merely a small observer of this frighteningly massive object. Then, without any warning, it suddenly breaks apart, into huge pieces of metal that rain down on me. Helpless as I am, I am suddenly saturated with guilt, somehow responsible for the chaos that had occured. Within my mind itself, there is chaos. The world seems to be flashing black and white, confusing and glaring. There is no proper definition of anything that resembles the physical world as the lines that border these objects are constantly changing, like scratches or when the television receives no transmission. I am getting smaller, as the chunks of metal get larger, and all these while, I am frozen, rooted to the ground, unmoving. I am not running for shelter or shielding myself, merely standing there, open to the onslaught. The onslaught that never arrives, merely happening, never impacting. As though I am a spectre, I observe myself from afar, unbounded yet affected.

Then I wake up.

2009-08-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

It is a pressing time for us.

Datelines and expectations,

project work and promos.

Sleep, a luxury we oh so treasure.

Sapped of our energy,

we drag ourselves,

persevering this torment.

For in our minds,

it is not th surrounding darkness that fills.

But rather, the warm glowing light,

amidst soft fluffy pillows.

Think not of the panda lids,

weary eyes and dazed mind.

Lest we doom ourselves,

to reality and its crushing blow.

2009-08-19T07:35:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan, a.k.a the fasting month, is finally coming, in two days!
Though it is a significant event, I'm surprised that not many non-muslims truly understand the purpose, significance and it in general, haha. So I shall try to see what I can share yea?

See, Ramadhan is a month that spans from 28 days to 30 days, and USUALLY happens towards the second half of the year. See, the Muslim calendar is similar to the Gregorian calendar, with 12 months and all, however, there is one difference. Each month of the Muslim calendar begins when theres a new moon, and hence ends when a new one is seen. Due to this characteristic of the Muslim calendar, it is shorter than the Gregorian calendar by 11 days, and thus each month would happen 11 days ahead of the date it previously happened! Thats why Ramadhan keeps getting closer and closer. It could even happen on January eventually! Damn, lol.

The purpose of fasting is simple, it is to remind one of the hardships faced by people, such as those who go on living with little or no food at all. This reminder serves as something to humble one as well as make one grateful of the bounty one receives, and takes for granted. Simple? Haha

However, there is more to it than it seems! This is where the lack of understanding comes in. See, what we mean by fasting is NOT only to consume food, but rather involves many other matters. The basic rule that you have to abide by is not not to eat, but rather to not have anything to enter one's body through the holes in one's body such as mouth, nose etc. So this means that we can't like put in finger in our mouth or smoke! Theres more! Other than not eating, one has to restrain oneself from thinking of bad things or do for any for that matter, you know, haha. One also cannot swear, cannot think of food, cannot drink and stuff like that.

This is where the other purpose of fasting comes in. To look at it merely as not eating would be shallow, in my opinion. The other purpose is to resist the temptations that exist within us. This temptation, we call it nafsu, is something that exists within ALL of us, at any given time or given place. Its like the wanting of the heart, the body, you dig? This wanting is not necessarily good, and may even be detrimental to us. Hence, fasting hopes to strengthen one's inner self-control against these temptations. So please people, be considerate and not offer us food or tempt us!

Scientifically speaking, fasting in GENERAL, and not necessarily in the Muslim context, is actually beneficial to the body! It supposedly gives the stomach a period of resting, relaxing and recovering. The stomach, as any part of the human body, cannot be overworked. What is meant by overworked is how it is always in use, as we consume food daily, hourly. A period of time where we do not consume food as regularly would help the stomach and also detoxify the body from the harmful substances that come along with today's food.

... ... ... .. .. . . . ... .. . .. . .. . ... .. .. .. .. .. .. . .

As I typed all the above, my eyes were closed. Training is fun, and tiring, DOH. Till we met again, take care people!

and remember,

SEVEN MORE WEEKS TO PROMOTIONAL EXAMSSS

2009-08-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

if only i could blog through audio, itll be so fun!

says hello in a weird voice. HELLO. haha

I just had my quarter-yearly haircut just now, and now my hair is less curly! My sister says its like carpet grass, interestingg. My barber was an Indian man. Its not very common to see an Indian man able to speak Chinese working at a Malay barber. Racial integration, quite cool man.

I think it must have been difficult for him to cut my hair cause as he was cutting it, he tugged at it quite fiercely, pain man. There was one time where he raised my hair all th way to make it easier for him to cut and man, I look like super saiyan with curly hair! If youre wondering what that looks like, its something like this.

Then we shared a laugh, cause its really funny! Damn, my hair is long. Imagine, normally curly hair seems short cause th hair just curls and curls. Before this, mine was like BALL. A huge ball of hair, it was damn long. Pity the barber. It took him a while to cut my hair short, and now, it looks like this!

Im sorry to crush your enthusiasm, but its on the computer. Haha! I think my hair is an apt representation of myself, lol. Its curly and messy and all, which is like me, never staying still, always moving about, energetic. Its curliness hides its depth, just as how I'm so hyper and high that sometimes people think theres no deeper side of me, haha. Lastly how no matter what, it remains the same, neverchanging, like me and my beliefs. Never will I let them go. I can't even imagine myself with straight hair, its just too weird. Go ahead and try, lol.

The retarded things I did in front of the mirror while changing just now:

1) Try to belly dance, LOL. ALMOST THERE, but not quite. Don't ask me why, haha

2) Do the robot dance

3) Pretend I'm doing silat, a traditional form of fighting, where i laughed at myself after doing it.

4) Weird and funny facial expressions

5) Yoga, HAHA

2009-08-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

HELLO GAYS.

I have moulted from the downcast shell I resided in.

I am now of many colours, of flight and happiness!

I am Ahmed Khalil Khan. Wheee

..... ... ... ... ... ... ... . . . . ... .. ... ... ... .. . .. ... .. .. . ...

A friend of mine, Zafirah Zein, returned on short notice from Dubai a few weeks ago.

A rather close friend, all of us here in Singapore missed her greatly!

Our friend here is the life of a party, and so, we held a party by the beach yesterday!

It was rather mundane at the start, with people missing and what not.

But as the sun sank deeper into the sea, ahh the party emerged!

Though there were some who were not as close, the walls came crashing down

and all of us seemed like we were friends for ages, such a good feeling it was.
The food was delicious, the atmosphere seemed alive, the place free from authority,

and most importantly, the people,

were

absolutely

fantastic

and a note, before the party got going, me, fadhil, husrin and sean, went off to just chill, and got high on redbull, THIS, serves as an explanation for some pictures you will soon see, haha!

Here they are

Some of the people

The Guys, this was probably th most decent picture of us

Me Husrin Sean Fadhil.

Our Mess :D

The People that stayed till late

The following pictures are normal pictures.

ZAFIRAH!

That was it, lol.

Here are those of when we were high!

They are many more, but ah, it is late now, is it not? For that, I shall end here, goodnight people! Good are the days, we must treasure them for very soon, they will simmer and cease to exist :D

2009-07-30T09:26:00.000-07:00

It happened during the darkest time of night,
when everyone's asleep and the stars shine bright.
I was awake, with turmoil in my head,
as I writhe, twist and turn on my bed.
Nightmares or distortions of reality, it didn't matter.
It had a stranglehold on my fading sanity.
Wrapped in my blanket, I fought against the persuasions of the voice.
The voice that spoke of evil, disloyalty and cruelty.
When my will hung by a single thread,
I remembered once more the knowledge I have,
and fought it with a renewed spirit.
A renewed spirit in a broken shell.
Alas, peace came to me and I slumbered.
Travelling across lands till I met three.
Three who unveiled the trickery of it all,
and plucked out the trickster from beneath his disguise.

... . . .. . .. .. . .. ... . .. . . . .. . ... . . .. . ... .. . . . .

I have very many strange dreams.

There never seemed to be a single and one dream, but are usually many swirled together, like colours on a pallete. Disconnected from far, but are actually one integrated piece when closely observed. Most of the time, they don't even represent reality in any way, not a place I've been to before. Abstract places from God knows where. A projection of my inner psyche. They say our dreams are mediums for our brain to connect the missing dots, or our final lingering thoughts before we sleep. If thats true, I wonder whats going on in my head in the past few days, strange.

2009-07-29T06:06:00.000-07:00

Trance makes me a happy boy.

I don't know man, these past few days, people I know have been sad and they've come to me with their sad stories. I hear them, I feel their sadness, but somehow what I say doesn't work. Its like my outlook over life is just too positive and seems unreal, that people just shrug it aside thinking 'Ahmeds nuts'. Yeah I understand the workload and stress of JC has obviously dampened our spirits but come on, that doesn't mean you have to be all negative, right? Sometimes I wonder, how come I'm happy all the time, then I wonder, why the hell am I thinking this. People nowadays should really be more happy more often in general, its good for their health. Stay gay people

2009-07-28T22:52:00.001-07:00

Helloo
Previously I said that the full effects of me pushing my limits has not been felt, yes?
Well, it has come to pass, and damn, im thankful it has. I've been down with high fever from Sunday to Tuesday. I don't get sick often, but when I do, whoosh, its like I've been hit with a truck, haha! There was even a certain fear that I could have H1N1 as I exhibited the classic symptoms but nahhh, I don't think so. I say think cause I didn't go for the checkup, whoops.
But don't worry people, I am well now! Due to my inactivity over the pass three days ( I SLEPT CLOSE TO 24 HOURS ON MONDAY! ) my whole body feels weak, logical? What I actually dread most about being sick and absent from school is that I'll miss a lot of lessons, and that, I cannot afford. Especially when its already so rushed, blueargh. One sentence, Too bad ah, thats life.

.... ... .. .. . ... .. .. ... ... .. .. . .. . . . ... ... ... . ... .. .. . ... .. . . . ..

A friend of me spoke to me about how people have changed and that its scary.
I couldn't really say anything cause I didn't know what to say.
Actually, what CAN you say?

2009-07-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

Going past your body's physical limitations may be great,
but it sure kicks your ass after a while.

Yersterday:
2.4km run in the morning, then climbing from 4-8pm

Today:
Climbing from 9am - 1pm, full soccer match from 3-5pm

The effects are still not fully felt, but I'm sure tomorrow I will wake up aching everywhere, haha!
Goodnight world, oh my sleepy head.

2009-07-23T08:42:00.000-07:00

A breath of fresh air, FINALLY.

Hello denizens of the cyber world, I welcome you back to my dormant domain!
Its been a while since I've last been here, and I have my reasons!
The past two weeks had been very eventful, exciting and ever-changing.

Life is like an ocean, its waves, unpredictable and varied.
We are merely ships sailing on a humble boat, to stay afloat, and not drown.
As every vessel sailing in the ocean, we will someday or another, encounter a storm.
I have sailed past, intact and strong! I thank those who were there to see me through, deeply.

Ohh how quickly I digress!

National Schools just ended and I'm proud to say the team fared excellently despite being a team of new climbers, YEAH! To those who have no idea what I'm talking about, National Schools is a climbing competition held in the past two weeks, consisting of schools from all over the country.
Its the most recognized competition by MOE hence our focus to own it, and own it we did people.

All the medals we received from one day, theres two more!

ands thats less than half the team!

... ... ... . . .. .. . ... .. . .. .. .. .. .. ... . . .. . . . ... . . . ..

Reality has smacked me directly between my eyes.

I saw my results and said to myself " WHATHELL SIAA "

I knew this was coming, but damn, my results really sucks.

And for that matter, I have started studying.

Its like Os all over again, but who cares.

We're all in JC for a reason, to get to University, and nothing else.

And how do you get there? Through Hardwork and Discipline.

So yea, there you go, my reasoning :D

B C M E Gp = S U E S E
suese, seuse?

... .... .. . .. .. . .. .. . .. . ... .. .. ... .. ... ... .. ... ... ... .

"The world is too small"

- One who bends the Laws of the Universe.